SRS I can't figure out if she likes me v. Irn00b

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by VladTemplar, Oct 24, 2007.

  1. VladTemplar

    VladTemplar New Member

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    Alright, so I'm not exactly the most...suave...of guys. I'm a pretty logic-oriented guy so I'm good at tackling just about any problem. You toss in variables that aren't consistent, aka emotions, and I'm pretty much lost. This is why I turn here for a bit of advice.

    So I'm in London studying abroad and an aspect of the program involves an internship. One other girl and myself work together, both from the same study abroad program (though not the same home university), and we basically do the same stuff at work. Today we were both pretty much left with nothing to do for a solid hour and had to sit at a table just well...staring at it with nothing to do.

    A note on the girl, she's pretty quiet. I'll try to engage her by telling some story of mine or something interesting and she'll only respond some of the time. She's opened up quite a bit, but not a lot by any means. I should also mention that she's pretty attractive, but not in the runway model type but in the more simple attractiveness type.

    Back to the story, we were just sitting there and I was fairly tired. I leaned back in my chair and started to nod off, but after I was starting to fall asleep I thought I felt something on my foot. Figuring that she might have just put her foot on top of mine I shifted it slightly, just a small friendly reminder that my foot was there, but the pressure kinda stayed there and finally it was pretty obvious that her foot was on mine. I glanced over at her and she just kinda looked at me out of the corner of her eyes and then looked away. A minute later she sat up because our boss showed up and we had work to do again.

    Now that alone made me wonder if she was kinda interested in me or something, but later when we caught the bus back to the train station (we work outside of London and live in Kensington in the same building, different flats though) we normally don't share a bench or anything. The buses are almost never crowded when we're on them so we'd just kinda relax on our own bench...but she sat next to me this time and was actually sort of chatty.

    Now at this point I'm thinking she's got to be at least opening up, I'm far too daft at this stuff to assume she's "in" to me so I won't assume that. However, this turned the other direction later on.

    As I mentioned above we live in the same building so we basically travel to and from work every day together, I mean why not? When we were in a particularly busy station transferring from the train to the tube we got separated, being my normal self I stood to the side till she caught up. It was then that she mentioned that it was kinda moot on whether or not we got separated at that point...:squint: I said that I was just being a nice guy and she simply said that it wasn't necessary. When I later broached it again asking if she'd just rather I not care she quickly said "No no no, I'm just saying it's not a big deal if we get separated!"

    I ended up having to stop at the store and waved her off and she looked like she was somewhat afraid I might have been offended. Her being sort of quiet I didn't know what to say or how to interpret any of it.

    So give me some advice guys / gals.

    Cliffs:
    1. I'm in London studying abroad and I have an internship
    2. Another girl from the same program is interning with me
    3. She's a pretty quiet / shy girl who's also attractive
    4. She was playing 'footsies' with me when we were both sitting around
    5. We never sit together on the bus, but today she sat next to me
    6. When we got separated in the tube she said I didn't need to wait for her
    7. I inquired what she meant a few times
    8. I think she believes she's offended me
    9. Is this girl perhaps interested in me

    This was incredibly long, I apologize.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I don't even have to read that whole post to answer it for you:

    Make a move.
     
  3. VladTemplar

    VladTemplar New Member

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    I'm not the most confident of guys and I don't even know what I should do in 'making a move'. I don't even really know what making a move is.

    I have no game really, I keep to myself and do my work. I've been on a handful of dates in my entire life and the last one was over 3.5 years ago.

    Also, I'm sort-of overweight and I don't really think I'm that attractive. I dress well (full suit at work) and I carry myself well because I'm confident in my work, but when it comes to relationship stuff I've got basically no confidence.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You have to remind yourself that if you don't do it you'll never get anywhere in life with women. Rejection really sucks, but you can't be afraid of it. I can appreciate that you are shy, but push that aside for a second and realize that you are stopping yourself from possible happiness. All you have to do is ask her out. Ask her out to lunch, dinner, anything. Just ask. If she says no then you move on. You stay calm and move on.
     
  5. VladTemplar

    VladTemplar New Member

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    But doesn't it have the potential for problems since we're basically working together? Also it seems like lunch, when we work together, would seem pretty platonic. While dinner, since I never see her outside of work, would seem to be pretty forward and obvious as to what my intentions were.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well yeah. Normally I don't condone dating anyone you work with, but you are the one that came in here asking what to do. In the simplest terms I'd say ask out a girl if you are interested in her and make it known that it's more than a friends thing (yes, dinner is a better idea). Now if you are asking would it be awkward if she turned down the date? Possibly. But you have to act like a grown up and pretend it meant nothing to you.
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Yes it does. I wouldn't ask her out because that's just awkward since you're already friends and you work together. You should start flirting with her though. Start being more touchy-feely with her and see how she responds. If she doesn't like it then you know she's not interested and you didn't have to make things weird by asking her out.
     
  8. VladTemplar

    VladTemplar New Member

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    Define touchy-feely and flirting for me?

    I've got virtually zero experience at this stuff.
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Sometimes girls get their pride hurt when you don't take their hints, so there is effectively a window of opportunity that you have take or else find yourself :wtcj:.
    Awkward... omg! Why is awkwardness the end of the world for everybody. I'm thinking you should definitely just go, and ask her out.

    Then you should:
    1. apologize
    2. somehow manage to misinterpret her excitement for disinterest
    3. stop talking to her

    Just kidding, DON'T do 1, 2, or 3. I put them there so you don't do them. Don't do any of those things. Do not.

    However ask her out on a date for sure. Like midgetized said, the worst that happens is awkwardness. Balance awkwardness on the one hand with a GIRL on the other.
     
  10. VladTemplar

    VladTemplar New Member

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    So basically tomorrow see if she wants to go grab lunch together and feel the situation out? If it's good try to see if she'd be interested for something on Friday night or something like that?

    Guidance guys, please, I suck at this stuff.
     
  11. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    Have you tried lunch with her? She might open up more outside of work and it'd be a more appropriate time to talk, flirt and get more comfortable around her before you jump to dinner arrangements.
     
  12. VladTemplar

    VladTemplar New Member

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    Today was actually our first day working together.
     
  13. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You know, I've noticed from a lot of conversations on relationship forums and the like, that a lot of girls like to do things like the "footsies" or a playful touch, and then they act like it was no big deal or nothing was meant by it when you KNOW there was intent.

    I think from the trends I see it always seems to be something that girls whom like to get you to chase after them tend to do. It's like a test, something to gain the upper hand over you on.

    Call me crazy but I've read so many accounts of this happening and then the girl backing off or suddenly becoming distant... to me that's what it seems like.

    On top of that, I've always played it differently in those situations and have never let the girl get the upper hand. When they touch me I would look at her and say, "Hey! Hands off the merchandise! This shit ain't for free!" and I would say that in a semi-serious/semi-joking manner, keeping it playful but saying it loudly. I never really thought of it in terms like this before, but now that I think about it by doing what I do I always come out ahead of her in the "game" she's playing by taking charge and setting the standards (Hey don't touch!). Plus, it's more of a flirty and fun response than sitting there like, "Uhhhhh".

    Just food for thought.
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Find reasons to touch her when you normally wouldn't. Not sexual touching but little things like putting your hand on her arm, touching her back if you walk up behind her, putting your arm around her, etc. Smile at her, tease her, joke around with her, act like a fun guy to be around.

    If there are guys at work that are good with women then watch how they act. Or spend some time just going out and watching people interact to see how it's done. It's important to be confident or at least fake being confident when you flirt with her though. If not then it will just come off as being weird when you touch her.
     
  15. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I know that for me awkwardness would equal me turning him down if he asked me for a date. I really don't understand why the guys on here say you should ask a friend out on a date. The purpose of a date is to get to know someone that you didn't know before. If you are friends then you already know each other and a date would just feel strange. I would feel uncomfortable the whole night and get nervous about how it would end and I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself. Inviting her to go hang out or grab some food would be fine but there's no need to use the word date, especially when they work together. Awkwardness at work is not fun.
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I see. I guess awkwardness affects some people more than others
     
  17. pretty_n_ink

    pretty_n_ink New Member

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    I say go for it. I know that you have self-esteem issues but you can overcome them. ACT confident even if you want to puke. Walk, talk, smile like you are the greatest thing since the invention of the wheel. Women like self-confidence. Once you've mastered faking it you'll realize that you've actually aquired the confidence you lacked in the beginning.
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    ok WTF is with all the OT girls all of a sudden saying "fake it till you make it."

    i mean it's great, but I'm confused by the turn around.
     
  19. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Yeah by awkward I didn't mean "it will be a little weird but everything will still turn out great". I meant awkward as in it is a turnoff and could ruin his chances.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    maybe you've just been approached by some really unappealing guys, and that was what was awkward; but if you had actually liked them in the first place it would have been a good thing? gotta think from the guy's perspective cuz OP is a guy. the answer is almost always "go"... and if she doesn't like him in the first place he has little to lose anyway.

    which is more realistic, he suddenly learns enough game to flirt with her until she goes from neutral to attraction?

    or he takes a window of opportunity with a girl who MAY already like him, and if she doesn't, loses nothing?
     
  21. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    You're both in a city you don't know, but are slowly getting to know each other. Ask her to go out after work and try some local food, and have a few drinks with you. Get her relaxed and just keep everything light hearted. Make jokes. Bring a camera and tuake pictures of you guys... that's a golden opportunity for her to open up. Take pictures of her in front of candy shops or butcher shops, or statues, or whatever. If you can't go out after work, then do it on a weekend and ask her specifically "Come exploring with me around the city this weekend". If you can't go out exploring after work, what about inviting her over for a drink and a movie, bored game, Mad Libs, whatever. That sort of stuff is always great. There is no way we can tell you how to be flirty. It's situational. If there are moments in your head where you think "should I be holding her hand" it's obvious what you should do. But you can't go from your current sitation which is Mr. Falling Asleep during lunch with her 12'' from your face to making out in a day. Baby steps bro.

    Tomorrow complement her on something. See how she reacts. Be it her glasses, shoes, pants, skirt, scarf, whatever. Tell her "[insert name here], you're skirt looks really flattering on you today." You have to start somewhere in order for you to go anywhere further then friendship... you have to build rapport that is based of of sexuality. Don't slam it down on her saying " I want to fuck you" but something small like saying her piece of clothing is nice on her is a start in the right direction.

    And it's obvious you don't want to mess this up via ruining it and having to work with her daily. That'll be horrible. But if you take "baby steps" it'll help you avoid that kind of thing by seeing how she reacts. But if you're not willing to make yourself vulnerable, then you're not going to have anything more then you have right now.


    That's what I would do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 25, 2007
  22. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Nope, luckily guys I've been with haven't thought it was a good idea to ask me on a date. All my relationships/casual dating started out as friends and then things just progressed naturally from there. We flirted with each other and then someone made a move. I know if they had asked me on a date I would have felt weird about it and said no just because it was awkward. My ex and I actually talked about this recently. We had been close friends for 2 months and he had just gotten a bunch of money for student loans so he said "hey I wanna go have a good meal, wanna come with me" and I was like sure. We had a great time and it was totally casual because he never used the word date so I was very relaxed and we ended up flirting a lot and getting together later. If he had said "I wanna take you out on a date" I would have said no. I was starting to like him but I was not looking for anything then and I would have felt very weird about going on a date with someone I was already good friends with. He told me later that he thought it was a date and I said it was a good thing you didn't tell me that or I wouldn't have wanted to go.

    What good does it do for him to go on a date with her if he's not going to flirt with her? A date without flirting is just hanging out with a friend. Flirting with her IS taking advantage of that "window of opportunity" and it's the easiest way to find out how she feels without making things weird at work.
     
  23. VladTemplar

    VladTemplar New Member

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    Jesus, I'd rather sit down and work on a thesis than this it seems.

    This whole subject is entirely foreign to me.
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Er... midg, don't u think that's a really specific to you kind of thing and not something generally applicable for a guy interested in women? What would make you think this girl shares your pet peeve about the word "date?"

    I don't ask girls out using the word "date," either, so maybe that's why I never ran into any problems with that.

    Regardless, OP, take her somewhere to dinner, go from there. It's ok to be nervous.
     
  25. pretty_n_ink

    pretty_n_ink New Member

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    I don't know what other girls you're talking about because I'm still a newbie here. My point was meant to say that if a person acts like they have confidence it will show, thus attracting more people and that will give said person the confidence they lacked in the beginning.
     

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