I broke up with my gf, she came to my house and slept outside in her car

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by doboi, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. doboi

    doboi New Member

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    Well I broke up with her two days ago. Last night she called me a ton of times (70+) but I had my phone on silent. I knew she was calling but I ignored her calls and texts because I thought it'd be best for her. She ended up getting worried and coming to my house and still tried to call and ended up sleeping in her car outside my house. I don't know whether to be :( or :ugh:. To be honest I knew she was calling and knew she came but I went to sleep anyway because we've tried like bi-weekly for nearly a year to break up and I don't see any other way but to ignore her. I woke up this morning and talked to her in her car though and sent her on her way :hs:

    She basically revolves her entire life around me but is so needy and i'm not sure if it's just me or all guys that have a problem with that. I currently live with my family and my gf wants me to sleep literally EVERY night at her apartment. I've lived away from home before but i consider my home here to be my headquarters and I hate sleeping anywhere else, especially at my gf's apartment where there isn't shit for me to do, even worse when i wake up a couple hours before her and just dick around on her laptop. What makes it sad is that I've told her things like her place is boring and i hate eating in her room on the floor. The next day she decorated her walls with cutout fishes and stuff and bought a table from Walmart :wtc:. She does everything she can to make me want to come but I don't think I'm ever going to come because I want to and not because she's forcing me to. She even offered to buy a computer for me at her place so that I wouldn't miss going on mine but even if i could accept that, I wouldn't want it because I don't want her slowly trying to make her home into my home. Am I commitment-phobic or is this normal?

    I know how childish it sounds and maybe I want my cake and to eat it too, but I just want to be in my room, surfing OT, playing video games at the end of the day sometimes and not have to worry about cuddling and giving a girl attention. I'm relaxed in my home and can't let that go. My girl does everything for me and asks nothing in return except for this but this is like the one thing I can't do. I've tried and I've tried for almost a year but I never stop feeling miserable every time I come over there. I drive slow all the way there because I'm dreading having to sit there, and when i get there I have this constipated face like I resent her for making me come. She expects me to come even after I've been out with friends (on the rare occasions that she doesn't actually cry enough to keep me home) and come home late. Wherever I am if i'm having fun i'll always get text messages like "I'm waiting" that totally kill it.

    I don't know what I expect from a relationship. Some people say relationships need work, and others say there should be no work. I can't be suffocated, even if the girl worships me. When I tell her I want to sleep at home she freaks out about how I don't care. I don't want sleeping over to be such a necessity. I'm not currently working, but when I was she still expected me to sleep there and it made me even more miserable because my work was 5 minutes from home and her house is 30 minutes from me. So I had to commute to my work which was only a few miles from my house just because she's so insecure.

    I know some couples are totally ball and chain and you never see one without the other and I'm not like that, but is this something that maybe I'm somehow taking for granted? She never asks for anything in return. She's thoughtful and takes note of anything I say so she can make me happy, but at the same time it's too much and I don't know how I can handle it :hs:

    Are couples expected to sleep with each other every night?
    Is asking to be alone at night too much to ask?
    Is this normal and will I be dealing with this with all relationships?


    Cliffs: needy GF. expects to sleep with me daily with very little exception. I can't handle that kind of commitment. I'm asking if that's normal in a relationship. I can't tell if I'm being childish. Personally I think that no matter how wrong I may be, if I'm not happy then it doesn't matter if I'm in the wrong

    edit: well since this is the Vag i realized I didn't mention anything about the sex. We both realize sex is basically the only time we're sure to be happy with each other. But i'm so frustrated with her that even though she's really cute and has a great body, she drives me up the wall and when she tries to rub up on me there have been times where i'm just like "i jacked off already. good night." And i used to be a total sex fanatic :hs:. I can't keep up with her. She often wants it twice a day and it used to be that I'd have no problem with that but now if I even have sex at all that day then for the rest of the day i really don't want to get into it
     
  2. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

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    You guys are at two different points in your life. It seems like you have a very mature relationship outlook and her...not so much. It sounds like she's younger than you or you're her first serious relationship. She's clingy and possesive and nothing will change that buy maturity, which requires time and experience.

    You two very well could be great for each other, it just sounds like now isn't the time. She needs some more experience under her belt, she needs to learn how to be her own person and respect when her s/o is being their own person. Until this realization is made she'll end up smothering all of her relationships.
     
  3. doboi

    doboi New Member

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    Right on all points I'm afraid. She's 4 years younger than I am. I always tell her that she needs to be able to be independent and be comfortable being alone. I have hobbies that she doesn't and she doesn't understand when I want some time to tend to those hobbies and thinks I'm placing them higher on my list of priorities than her. She just doesn't get it and I know it's not the right time right now, but it just kinda sucks because I know how hard she's trying but neither her nor I can overcome our personality. I've broken up with girls who are just worthless bitches before but seems a lot worse to break up because of the lack of compatibility. Kinda feels like I'm accepting defeat even though I know full well there's basically no other choice :o
     
  4. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

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    Haha damn I'm good. Seriously though, there's your decision For you right there, you already knew it. Sounds like you just needed some confirmation. Well here it is, you two need to split because at this point in your lives you two aren't on the same page. I understand that she's going to be hard to leave because she's obviously trying (and I give her credit for it). The problem is that instead of trying to accept the differences and let you have personal time she's trying do things that will bring you closer in a situation you're trying to get away from.

    Before you cut her off I'd have a sit down talk with her. Tell her EVERYTHING that's on your mind even if you know it will hurt her. And I mean even things like "you're too clingy and I think you need to gain some more life experience" (obviously put them nicer than that). The reason for this is so that there's no questions in her mind as to why you feel the way you do, and if the conversation just naturally takes the course of breaking up then
    let it, but I would go into it with the mindset of making her understand you, not necessarily to break up with her.
     
  5. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    Wow.. sounds a lot like my last relationship :eek3:

    You have to realise that with a relationship comes a different set of compromises. Previously you bludged, played video games, browsed OT jerked off. Girls need to be emotionally stimulated and the less of this you do, the more the relationship suffers. I was certainly guilty of this and when I put in extra effort things were great. But I guess the key point is that if you feel drained simply doing what it takes to make things "ok" then clearly the relationship is not a net benefit for you. That's how it was for me anyway.

    I believe that while it should require work some of the time, if it requires work all of the time then it's usually not worth it. I'm sure you could have a more pleasant time by putting in noticeably more effort. But you have to ask yourself if that's what you want.
     
  6. infamous8

    infamous8 Guest

    bitches be crazy.

    They lack common sense and logic. They do crazy shit man. Just move on
     
  7. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    no you're not weird. i went through this w. my current gf when we first started dating.
    im very comfortable with in my house. so much so that i almost never spend the night anywhere. id prefer to drive home for an hour at 3am then spend the night at a friends.

    when we started dating she would ask me to come over every other night that she didnt stay at my place.
    id go over but refused to spend the night. id wait for her to fall asleep and leave. she also has nothing there for me to do when i wake up. so i would get bored.
    she didnt like it at first but i told her EXACTLY how i felt and she shortly after got over it.
     
  8. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    You're perfectly fine. If you don't want that, that's all that should matter. I too am put off by needy women.

    Get a new gal.

    I'd be very careful with birth control, with this one.
     
  9. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    you clearly do not want a relationship. her revolving her life around you is a bit much. but being that you just wanna be home and chill, just gives the notion that you do not have time nor want someone in your life at this time.
    sucks it took a year for you to break up with her
     
  10. doboi

    doboi New Member

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    I'm willing to put forth effort, but just not in the direction that she wants. Just like how she does the same for me. I tell her I need time apart and she somehow thinks that enhancing and increasing time together is a valid alternate solution. I mean if it really came down to it I'd do all the small romantic things if it was something that she felt was lacking, but personal space and being forced to violate my own makes me miserable :hs:

    I can't say for sure if I'd be happier single, but I know that not a day went by in the relationship where I wasn't tearing my hair out. But sometimes the thought of being alone again is just kind of sad. It's cool that I can hang out with friends but when there's nothing to do and I'm at home or am just running errands, it sucks to not have my girl sitting next to me :o

    yeah for real, i would also make that trip to sleep in my own bed. my gf was talking about getting another computer for me to use at her place so that i can feel more at home, but i mean that's not the point at all. she could make it a palace and i'd still want to come to my house. word on the waking up early with nothing to do part too, i hated being confined to her room for like an hour waiting for her to wake up.

    i've told her exactly how i felt, and somehow she has it in her head (and i'm not making an assumption here, she actually expressed these feelings) that once a guy has a gf, he should have no need to be alone. she's from out of state and so has no family nor close friends so i'm like her crutch. but even when she's with friends, she'll ditch everything to come to me and although it's nice, i don't want the pressure of being someone's center of gravity. with nothing to do when she's alone, she's always clinging to me but i'm not capable of someone relying on me in that way :hs:
     
  11. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    have you talked about how she would feel if you went over, staid w. her until she fell asleep, and then left?
     
  12. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    it's her, not you.

    You were attracted to her in the beginning for whatever reason and slowly the attraction has gone away because she guilt trips you and forces you to hang out with her. Not all girls are like this, some do have their own lives and value time with their friends without their SO.

    Unfortunately, there are a lot of girls similar (but not quite that bad!) to your ex...so just make sure you get involved with someone more independent next time.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You weren't in love and yet you were monogamous.
     
  14. doboi

    doboi New Member

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    oh yeah update: last night she called me begging me to come over at 3:30AM. i refused and she was saying how she came to my house and slept in her car at 4AM and yet i couldn't do the same. she then wanted to come to my house regardless of what i wanted and said she would sleep outside again if she had to. i threatened to have my dad kick her out and she stopped :o. it's a little psychotic but it's become the norm for me. i know in her heart she means well and wants so bad to salvage the relationship but i don't see how i can jump back in to something like this if i have have a need for personal space and she's once again demanding i drive around in the middle of the night. i used to give in and do it but because she'd cry but i don't want to be at someone's beck and call like that. in the middle of the day is one thing but at 3AM? :ugh:

    well it's not like i want to be at home posting on OT all day or anything, but i do want to sleep at my own house and just do things at my own leisure every now and then. i don't mind coming to her house to cuddle and watch a movie then sleep or whatever every now and then but i can't take that everyday with no room to breathe :hs:

    it does indeed suck that i waited so long, but now my nights are satisfying and my days are kinda empty.

    yep. it's not that she doesn't want to fall asleep alone, she doesn't want to sleep alone

    yeah i mean when we're doing things that both of us want to do it's really fun and i'm happy to have her with me, but so many times she's gotten what she wants through guilt trips and me having to do anything out of obligation and not of my own volition really makes me miserable. not sleeping at home, driving to her house in the wee hours of the morning to solve her insecurity, sacrificing time with friends/family. all are things i can do in moderation but that's one word that's beyond her when it comes to our relationship.

    you have an excellent point there. even now i can't be sure if i truly ever loved her although i did greatly appreciate her. i tried, i really tried to be head over heels for her because she puts me ahead of everything, and if she knew how to back off i might have been able to but it was just so much of a rollercoaster i'm just not even sure :o
     
  15. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I don't think you have to be in love to be monogamous. :dunno: some people don't like to 'casually' date or just date one person at a time.
     
  16. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    sounds like you think she looks great on paper but in practice she isin't so great so you have conflicting feelings about her.
     
  17. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I would bet $100 that you will ultimately regret your decision to dump your gf.
     
  18. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Honestly, I hastily dumped my long term girlfriend a couple of years ago. I ended up going back and it made my life HELL for 9 months.. then she dumped me, i was devastated.

    Inevitably we ended up back together and we are both waaaaaaaaay happier than we've ever been. :)
     
  19. doboi

    doboi New Member

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    what changed?
     
  20. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    No, you definitely aren't taking it for granted. Actually what you have is a master manipulator on your hands and you haven't realized it yet.

    This girl doesn't love you and she isn't doing things for you because she "cares". If she truly cared about you and your happiness then she would let you have your alone time. She treats you so "nicely" as a way to manipulate you and it seems to have worked fairly well. She has you feeling guilty about ending things because "she treated you so well". When people are THAT nice they are just doing it to get what they want. You said you had given into her quite often in the past so what she is doing worked. It will be a lot easier to not go back to her if you look at her actions for what they really are...manipulation tactics.

    She really needs professional help. I'm guessing she was abandoned by one or both of her parents when she was young or she has some kinda daddy issues.
     
  21. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Does your gf manipulate you and try to stop you from having time alone or with friends? I don't see how you could possibly advise someone to stay in a relationship like that.
     
  22. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    Back away very slowly and carefully without making any sudden movements and then once you're at least 5 metres away, turn and run like hell. Don't stop until you're in an unfamiliar part of town and absolutely do not look back for any reason.

    You can thank me later :)
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    is this "run run and don't look back" v.2? :mamoru:
     
  24. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Stage 5 Clinger
     
  25. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Clinger?


    This bitch is surgically attached to his hip.
     

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