SRS I broke up with a girl and now I am sad. wtf?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PaddoK, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    A few weeks ago I broke up with this girl I had been dating for about 5 months. Things were going well, and she was for the most part very fun to be with. no i love yous, and I was actually still listed as single on facebook.

    But while in the relationship I kept wishing I was single so I could talk to other girls, not specifically just hot ones lol. So I think I found faults with her and convinced myself I didn't really care even though I did.

    I was a little embarrassed by her height because she is 5'0" and I am 6'5" even though at first it was a turn on. But other than that she was hot, smart, funny, and actually liked my sarcastic and sometimes rough sense of humor. Also she had a BMW 1 series which was awesome to drive :mamoru:

    Only problem was she was very high anxiety, and would stress out over internships and school work (phd. student) and have breakdowns and cry. Naturally she would come to me for support. Sometimes I could do it, but other times I couldn't be as supportive and I found myself getting annoyed with her insecurities.

    Eventually she became more and more needy, and wanted to spend time together every day. Even if it was just going to the gym together. And it got harder to tell her no i just need some time to myself every single day. Not that i treated her poorly, in fact i was very nice and I always planned something for us new to do, be it a new restaurant or adventure. And treated her good, we never really fought.

    Sometimes she would do needy things like call me while i was out with my friends and be crying, and then when I asked what was wrong not tell me. Which to me is a game and a sign of crazy.

    So I broke it off, not really for any particular reason, but after 5 months I didn't feel "in love" but I could tell she had fallen for me. In fact when I broke up with her she said she loved me for the first time (Which is weird) and I broke her heart. Just sort of decided that she wasnt the one. I want tall kids because I'm tall and being tall is awesome and if i had kids with her being so short my kids would be short.

    But now here I am a few weeks later and I'm feeling blue all day and I miss her and feel lonely and stupid. Like my brain makes decisions and my heart deals with the consequences. Now I miss her as part of my life.

    Is this normal? I dont have a problem meeting women, and have friends, and a good future. But deep on the inside i am sensitive. Am I experiencing normal post break up feelings? Last girl i broke up with I was relieved because even though I was "in love" with her the relationship had gotten so miserable i just felt unhappy. This girl is the first relationship i have been in where we didnt fight and almost everything was good.
     
  2. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    I am thinking of calling her and being like I was stupid lets talk? Dumb idea or dumbest idea?
     
  3. Shayes

    Shayes OT Supporter

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    sounds like you were mostly caught up in the superficials of the relationship, like you wanted a taller girl, or one who didnt come to you crying, bmw... etc.

    you need to decide if you want to be with her for those things, or for other reasons.
     
  4. Shayes

    Shayes OT Supporter

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    also, i think it is important is note that regardless of what your brain says, your heart still wants to be with her, and thats that.

    imo, heart trumps brain in most situations
     
  5. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    See I used to think that way. But brain does what is best for me overall. I know sadness will go away, brain can think long term, heart says now now now.
     
  6. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    Sit down and make a list of pros and cons. This will help you better realize what that relationship meant to you. By the way, my grandmother was about five feet tall, my grandfather was six-six, and all of their children were very tall, so don't think you're necessarily going to have short kids. My dad is 6'4". Oh and I'm 5'10" and I'm literally the shortest among the grandkids on that side, lol.
    She's working on her phd, so she's smart. Yes, she may have needed you emotionally, but that meant she trusted you. She wanted to spend time with you, is that such a bad thing? Couldn't you have found time to be with both your friends and her? Wasn't it wonderful to have someone who cared so deeply for you, and appreciated you for being you? When choosing a partner, are the things she did, the traits she exhibited important to you?

    These are all things you need to think about. Not the car she drives, or the size of her butt or breats. Cars are traded, bodies change with childbirth, what kind of a wife and mother would she be? Would she make a comfortable home for you and consider your needs? Was she controlling and bossy, or ws she amenable to your likes and dislikes and accepting of you and your wishes, and did she respect you and did you respect her? We all have insecure moments, and though hers did not bring out the best in you, how do you think she would react when you come home from a bad day at work and want to talk about a shitty boss, or an employee that is wracking your nerves...would she be supportive and understanding.

    Make that list and consider everything.

    Then look at it and see whether you should make that phone call.
     
  7. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You did the right thing. She would have worn you down eventually.
     
  8. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    this

    Needy women are always going to be needy she won't change and will just wear you down
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    And yes, it's normal to miss the "positive" parts of the relationships that we end. You're grieving that part, not the parts that caused you to make your final decision.
     
  10. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    How long ago was "a few weeks"?

    I have heard that the peak of loneliness occurs at around 3-4 weeks after a break up. That's where the person that initiated the break up will feel the most vulnerable and lonely. You could just be at this peak of loneliness.

    You need to decide for yourself if getting back together with this girl is best for you or not. Just be warned that women move on a lot faster than men do so she may already be in a rebound relationship and she may not want to get back together with you.

    If you do decide to get back together with her, you need to tell her up front why you broke up with her, and she needs to work on her insecurities so she doesn't push you away again.

    Your other option is to just ride out the storm of loneliness and hope that you eventually make it thru.
     
  11. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    Yeah about two weeks ago maybe? She said she would wait a little while in case i changed my mind when we broke up. She was pretty heart broken.

    I mean i miss her and I really did like her, but I def. didn't have that warm fuzzy in love kind of feeling like i've had in the past. I dont know if i just needed more time?
     
  12. PaddoK

    PaddoK Some dolphins get massacred, some dolphins get blo

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    I mean yeah that is how I felt. She said she was just going through a really stressful period of time. Which is fair, she is traveling non stop all this month flying around the country interviewing for internships.

    Which is another reason I nixed the relationship. She is going to be doing an internship for a year, and next year I start law school. I mean it sounds like she nailed the interview in LA close to where I will be, but nobody knows yet.

    So its like potential for a LDR + me being in first year of law school which will be shitty + her being in the internship.

    I swore never to do a LDR again because they BLOW. Plus i mean i can handle needy breakdowns now because all I've been doing is studying / applying to law school for the last few months. But I've worked a super stressful job for 1.5 years before that and i know it changes me and my capacity to be supportive when i am stressed out and tired.
     

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