I believe my gf is having a quarter life crisis

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Grimey, May 22, 2009.

  1. Grimey

    Grimey New Member

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    She just called me and said she broke down today crying to herself today over a slew of stuff.

    Her grandma died about 2 months ago, she hates her job, she doesn't know where she is going to be living in 2 months (her lease is up and roommates are moving away), she has been having some minor health issues (which will pass), she said she has been treating me bad, she wants to go back to school but isn't sure, etc.

    All of it is true, and I could tell she hasn't been herself lately and she was the first one to agree.

    My question to you guys is: how do I handle this? She said she wants to take a break of just spending some alone time... but didn't say anything about breaking up. I know I need to stand back and let the cards fall as they may, but I've heard this scenerio happen so many times and I just think to myself... well it's over.

    My only saving grace is that she really didn't talk too much about us... more so the other issues. I know it's sincere too, but I can't help to think about does this mean the end of us?

    How do I go about this and playing it right that I can give her space and eventually turn things around for her/us?

    :hsd:
     
  2. Savage5point0

    Savage5point0 Im an asshole.

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    Wait till she finishes her period, then try to talk to her.
     
  3. Grimey

    Grimey New Member

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    Guess I should have posted this in On-Topic :o
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ask her why she feels she would be best off alone now.

    Whatever bullshit she spouts you can reply that the relationships/couples that last are the ones that stick by one another during tough times.
     
  5. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Sounds like she doesn't really want a break, she just wants some support.
     
  6. Grimey

    Grimey New Member

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    Great answer.
     
  7. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    She just wants you to listen so she can figure stuff out on her own. When she says she needs some time alone, tell her you will give her time alone so she can get things straightened out and when she's got everything figured out she knows where to come find you. And then just support her emotionally when she needs it.
     
  8. Grimey

    Grimey New Member

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    Also a good reply... fuck I am just lost as to what I should do here.

    I want to give her space, but feel like I deserve to be in the know at the same time as well.

    iwishyouwerebeer makes an excellent point
     
  9. Dargone

    Dargone Noob

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    This.
     
  10. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    give her space, she will come back to you when she is ready... I have gone through same things, I am talking from experience. When every thing in your life is just not right, you feel like you need more alone time, to think about it, to resolve things out. you feel like you being with other people just distracts you from the problems and postpone the process of making peace with yourself. Tell her you will be there for her and she can count on you and that you understand she needs alone time...don't add stress of relationship to her current problems. However if she distanced herself for a long time, more than you can bear, then you have the right to talk about your concerns and possibly break up if she wanted to continue to neglect you. But now understand that she might really need space and it migh not be about you at all so be cool about it..
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    i wonder if this is one of those cases where "space" = fucking other guys and if she doesn't find someone she likes better then she'll come back to you.
     
  12. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I have personally never understood 'space'. You either want to be with that person or you don't. You don't have to see them all the time, but to say you need 'space' just means you are someone who can't let go until they have someone new to hold onto
     
  13. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    FALSE. don't be insecure , I had times when I needed space to sort my shit out...you guys apprently got cheated on alot:ugh:
     
  14. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    There is a big difference between making sure you still get 'me time' and telling the other ember of the relationship you need 'space' or 'a break'
     
  15. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    space to means that if I see you 3 times a week now, I wanna see 1 time a week for a while, or just don't hang out for 2 weeks or so.:dunno:
     
  16. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Isn't the whole point of of a relationship being one half of a couple? I get people needing to make time for them and getting away from the world to just zen out. I am not saying otherwise.

    But to say you need space from a person you have committed to defeats the whole purpose of being in a relationship. It isn't just about you any more. You need to think about the other person and if you can't permit yourself to be one half of a couple, then don't. But don't find a connection with someone and then only be part of that couple when it suits you.
     
  17. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Smoke a joint.
    Edit: with her.
     
  18. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Best advice so far.

    Oh and iwishyouwerebeer's too.
     
  19. copperkali

    copperkali Mrs. Nicklk

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    I agree.

    Also, I have had many melt downs. It'll pass, I promise.
     
  20. Grimey

    Grimey New Member

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    Well I basically am letting her go to do her thing and think shit through, we talked and I said I don't want this to weigh on her along with the rest of the shit she is going through.

    So, I saw her Friday night and left... it was kind of awkward, just a kiss on the cheek this time. Haven't spoke to her since and it's killing me :(

    I was in Atlantic City last night for a bachelor party and she texted me this morning saying "hope everything went well last night and today, talk to you soon". Dunno how to really take that... other than she is still thinking of me at least.
     
  21. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

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    don't write her off yet (i'm getting that impression from your post) take her minigolfing/fun random dates to help get her mind off everything and if you actually mean it, tell her if she needs anything you're there for her.
     
  22. Grimey

    Grimey New Member

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    Are you from.... Lebanon?:eek3:
     
  23. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

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    :eek3:















    :no :mamoru: i'm in York County

    you?
     
  24. Grimey

    Grimey New Member

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    Lebanon :wavey:

    But good advice/outlook... I hope you're right, though I am still planning for the worst. I'm just in that weird area right now where it's uncertain of how things are going to play out and where I can't smother her with contact... any at all IMO.
     
  25. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

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    :dunno:

    i'm new to the area (well 2 years but still i don't leave York much) so i have no clue where lebanon is in relation to me
     

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