I really am such a shithead. My girlfriend has simply just become too much work for me. When I think about seeing her it just exhausts me. I feel so terrible. Shes so sweet and loving and generous and just in general a great girlfriend. Like she will want to cuddle on the train. Sounds like not a big deal right? Well having her head in my lap on leaning on my car-accident-jacked-up-shoulders is not comfortable. We spend *3.5* hours a day 5 days a week on the train. And its just sooo easy to hurt her. at this point I'd rather just stay away from her because im tired of the fighting and long talks and shitty nights. Even when shes in a good mood im just afraid of whats around the corner. Anything can start it, but a lot of times she will start asking questions that are like navigating a minefield to get through without causing a blow up. Obviously avoiding her makes her sad and angry and I end up causing the fight I was trying to avoid. last night I avoided her and hung out drinking with my friends all night. She finally came to see me at 1:00am on the train home. I basically begged her to go away. She spent her last cash on a hotdog for me, even though she knows id been ditching her all night. I put it on the floor because id just eaten and hate hot dogs and it smelled gross. So basically she argued with me for like half an hour to just sit next to me and I just made her go away. so i tried to sleep for an hour while she just bawled across the isle. Then I left her without any cash at the train station at 3 in the morning while I walked home. today she is burying someone she loves and trying to do something for her moms birthday. Her mom has always been incredible to me. There is definitely something wrong with me. I love her so much, but there just isnt any joy in this relationship for me. Its just more work and trouble then I can stand to the point where it doesn't even matter how good the good parts are. what in the world do I do I do now?