I am sitting here shaking, breaking down...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by saxman, Jan 4, 2009.

  1. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    I can not get over my ex. This is killing me.

    Broke up about 6 months ago, which seems like it should have been plenty of time to at least get to the point where my every idle moment isn't spent thinking about her.

    Cut off all contact, got rid of everything I could that reminded me of her. Been going to the gym, hang out with friends every day. Started playing the guitar. Been staying busy. Just getting so tired of laying in bed every night, not being able to think about anything else.
     
  2. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    have you tried to get out and meet other women?
     
  3. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    yah... been on a couple dates, etc with a few different people

    hasn't worked out for one reason or another... really haven't found anyone all that interesting(be it that they're not interesting, or I'm just not in the place to find someone else interesting, I'm not too sure)
     
  4. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2000
    Messages:
    18,745
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto
    That only means one thing, your not keeping yourself busy enough. You need to be doing physical excercise and physical activity. Once you do enough of that, your brain lacks the energy to think nonsense. You also need to be breathing properly (getting lots of fresh air). Believe me.

    Most importantly, its your CHOICE to conitnually think about her. You need to catch yourself where you continue to think in the same pattern, and begin to manually force yourself to think otherwise.

    example:

    Oh man, I miss her, why do I miss her, what happened, I wish she was (NO I don't, this happened for a reason, I don't need her, I'm happy and will find someone better)
     
  5. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    Can only keep myself so busy :dunno:

    I know I don't need I her... honestly, wouldn't take her back if she came to me... a lot of what I think about isn't so much missing her, as being full of anger and resent. A lot of it's having the past many years of my life ripped away from me, having what I thought my future was ripped away from me, etc.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Have you tried writing a letter to her about how you feel about everything that happened?

    The trick is after you write your heart out you don't send it to her.
     
  7. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    thought about it... know better than to do it, because I'd probably do something stupid
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Even if you did send it it's not the end of the world.

    I actually sent an old ex boyfriend that letter and I still felt good afterwards :dunno: It didn't matter anyway what he thought.
     
  9. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    I really don't think it would achieve anything other than stirring up the emotions even more and open things up to her talking to me again, which would just kill me.

    I just have such a hard time with the concept that someone that was so much of my life has gone from being my whole life to having to worry about the pain that having a conversation would cause.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Understandable. My ex didn't contact me. According to friends he read the letter and felt horrible, but if you think she'd read it and want to make amends maybe that's the point. You seem to have no closure. As much as it might initially kill you to hear from her maybe what you need is closure to move on. Not everyone needs it, but you seem to.
     
  11. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    well, let me give some background on the whole situation that's lead me to where I'm at



    met the girl when we were both young... me 20, her just shy of 18. Hit it off amazingly well. She was having trouble with her family.. her dad pretty much kicked her out. After a few months of dating, she came to visit me(I lived about 2 hours away). Stayed for a week, things were amazing. Few weeks later, with about 2 bags full of stuff, she moved in with me. Was supposed to be just while she got on her feet, but that didn't last.

    After about 9 months or so, our sex life pretty much fell off. She went from insatiable, to hard to get anything from. We were together 4 years, because I was madly in love with her, and tried to make the sex issue work.

    About a year and a half into our relationship, we both started a new job, where she met some lesbian that was determined to have her. They may or may not have kissed one time, but certainly carried on an emotional relationship not ok for while in a relationship.

    Ex came clean about things, and we worked through it, or so I thought. Things seemed to get better. The lesbian spent the next 2.5 years trying as hard as she could to break us up.

    Time went on, gf said she just had no sex drive, but was trying to make things better, etc... we tried to make things work. Other than arguments about that, life was perfect.

    When we broke up, we were still stuck living together. She told me that she thought she was gay, needed to be alone and figure her shit out. That she had no desire what so ever to be in any sort of relationship, etc. While we were living together, she started seeing some guy at work, and just messing around with him. He was apparently quite a bit like me. Hurt like hell because all this time she had been telling me she didn't want sex because she thought she was gay, then went and hooked up with some guy while I was still living with her.

    I made the mistake of reading her diary she was writing about all this shit. Worst mistake of my life.

    Turns out she was carrying on with this guy, just having a meaningless physical relationship, AND carrying on a relationship with the lesbian. She'd also been spending the past 2 years trying to figure out how to break up with me and live without me, while lying to me about trying to fix things, and carrying on with our lives as if everything was perfect.

    Ultimately, I just moved out before the lease was up because I had to get out of there. She turned into this horrible person. Has been in a relationship with the chick ever since.
     
  12. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    jesus....
     
  13. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    yah... kinda fucked up... probably why I'm so fractured by this whole thing... isn't just dealing with a break up, but all the other shit at the same time
     
  14. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    Holy fuck man.

    What a cunt.
     
  15. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    that's the weird thing... she never showed any sign of it. I don't know if she was just amazing at hiding it, or if her self renaissance to find herself along with constant pushing from the lesbian changed her.


    Or maybe I was just blind.
     
  16. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    I'm sure a little of everything had to do with it.

    But look you should be simply ecstatic that you didn't end up with this girl.

    4yrs is a pretty long time but it's certainly better to lose someone at that point vs 10-15 or worse, get stuck with that person for a lifetime.

    From all that's happened to you I'm guessing that you're going to need more than 6 months to get over it.

    I took a very long time, longer than I should have, to get over the first time I really got fucked over.

    Just keep doing your thing, goin out doin different things and being active in the dating world.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    this is why it is so important for men to take things very slowly in the beginning and make sure we don't get involved with toxic people

    because that's exactly what she has been in your life - a toxic person
     
  18. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    I don't expect to get over it this quickly... I know I'll be haunted by some of this shit for some time... what I would like is to be able to think about something else from time to time...

    fuck, it's the 4th day of the year, and I've already spent 2 nights in a fit of anger and tears because of this shit... granted I think part of that is because new years made me be all retrospective on the last year, and that dredged everything up, but still... it's annoying
     
  19. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    ugg... now I'm angry and have britney spears stuck in my head...


    I constantly try to remind myself that she is/was very young, and while she may have acted older than her age, she wasn't. She was still in highschool when she met me, and never really had a chance to grow up.

    It really saddens me to see what was once a sweet, innocent girl turn into this slut and such a horrible person, all in the name of "finding herself" and learning to be independent.

    Then again, the whole "finding herself" and learning to be independent thing may have been a complete lie
     
  20. kit99bar

    kit99bar USPA Class 2, weak, old man!

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2001
    Messages:
    9,171
    Likes Received:
    12
    fuck finding excuses for her. You're too good to be with someone that horrible. You'll meet someone better.
     
  21. saxman

    saxman Burninating the peasants

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2001
    Messages:
    15,366
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Palmdale, Ca
    it's not that I'm trying to find excuses for her, it's that I'm trying to understand how it is that the way she is and the way I thought she was is so different.

    Gotta learn from my mistakes :dunno:
     
  22. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    That was a detail that I struggled with with my fuck up of an ex as well.

    You spend so much time with someone and you think you really know them and then they pull some shit and totally change out of nowhere.

    I struggled with it too asking myself how she could do what she did and how it just wasn't like her to do it.

    The truth is that people change and it's not always for the better, as you know all too much right now.

    The good part is that you're still young and you've already put the wheels in motion and have been doing your part in moving on.

    Trust me you'll get over this but the thing is the more you try to figure out the more you are going to rip yourself apart. I can't really blame you though because I would be asking myself all the questions and analyzing everything, that's just the type of person that I am.

    Keep your head up man you'll make it through.
     
  23. JamesL

    JamesL wat

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2003
    Messages:
    18,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    :ugh: :wtc:
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    She's 22. You have to remind yourself every time you think about her that she's 22 years old. She obviously has no idea what she really wants and I'm sure she still wont know for a few more years. Try to not let it get to you and make you think it's you because it's not. This would have happened with anyone she was with most likely.

    She has to find who she is. This is why dating seriously when young tends to not work.
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    one thing is certain: you can't believe a word that has come or does come out of her mouth

    a good start would be to automatically assume everything she has said to be a lie

    just look at the difference between the truth (that you read in her diary) and what she told you while all that was happening

    bottom line is that she is a bad person and you can't have bad people in your life and still respect yourself, and if you don't respect yourself no one else will either

    its okay to feel about the situation the way that you feel. realize that those feelings have no influence on the truth and the reality of the situation

    supposedly courage is feeling fear and doing it anyway. this is much like that. doing what is right and best for you in spite of your emotional attachment to this person

    excellent post and it ties in with what i posted above about "its okay to feel the way you feel"

    Its okay to feel down and depressed and miss her. what its not okay to do is beat yourself up over it

    you are the sole controller of the voice inside your head, and if it is saying negative and destructive things about yourself, i can assure you nothing positive will result
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2009

Share This Page