SRS I am shallow. How can I stop being such a shallow person?(anonymous post)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, May 31, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I don't know exactly what my problem is, but I am a very shallow person, and really wish I wasn't. I have met two really amazing girls in the past and I let certain details about them drive me away. I'm currently undergoing this with someone else I just met. She's very pretty, great personality, but due to my shallowness I am letting something about her bother me.

    How can I stop thinking like this?
     
  2. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Shallow regarding looks?

    How old are you? A lot of it is age. When I was younger, all I really cared about was fucking fucking the hot ones, nothing else mattered. As I've gotten older I realized there is more, much more, to people than just looks. You still have to be attracted to them, but it's not the only thing anymore. I've met plenty of women that were stunning, but I wouldn't be in a relationship with them under any circumstances.
     
  3. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    depends on what you are being shallow about.

    by shallow do you mean you let what others may percieve as been hot keep you from dating the girl?

    or by shallow do you mean there is something that you personally cannot get over?


    if it's the second im the same exact way. there are certain physical traits that i cannot move past no matter how cool, cute, ect the girl maybe and im 31. always been this way.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I'm 30 years old. I don't really care much for fucking random hot girls. Not saying that I wouldn't like that, and if the opportunity was available, I'd probably do it... But I'm not going to go out and seek it.

    I'm not sure what it is. It could be a blend of both. I had an ex that was, at least to me, attractive. Very pretty, good personality, etc... But she was overweight. And when the opportunity of a much better looking person came along, I went for it. I also had an ex that was also very pretty, good body, great personality, whatever... But she had a mild deformity, and for some reason, besides all the good stuff about this person, it really bothered me.

    I am letting things like weight, body parts, scars, even accents or intelligence, etc... little things about people that shouldn't' matter much, depict whether or not I want to be in a relationship with this person.

    I wish I wasn't like this. How can I stop being like this?
     
  5. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    stop comparing new girls to your ex.

    also don't confuse yourself with having standards and wants with being shallow...you never want to settle on what you don't like.
     
  6. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    you should not try to stop being like that. if it is that hard to stop, you are going to continue running into this same problem. Life works that way, it is like if you have a certain weakness, until you figure out how to manage it or confront it, you are going to continue facing it. Just be yourself, if a girl comes along and you think she is too fat, well that is up to you. Move on, don't try to tell yourself that her fat is no big deal when it really is.


    Lets see it this way. Somehow you convince yourself enough that this new girl is not that fat. So you live 5-6 years with her, and then all of a sudden it just becomes too much. Now either you are going to suffer from that point on, or she is going to be really hurt. Why is that beneficial for either of you?


    Now the way I see it, is don't try to suppress yourself. Never settle for something if it is not right in your mind. What you do need to learn to do is make up your mind, and once you can get to where you can make decisions, then you need to learn to act on them right away. Once you learn to do both of these things, it will be time to see if you can really walk the walk. You may have to turn down 25 fat girls before the right one comes along, but it takes a ton of patience, and stuff. Life is definitely not easy.
     
  7. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Personally, I don't see the problem. I don't fight my biology when first meeting an attractive girl, and once I am dating her -- if I really care deeply, I won't be inclined to leave just because I don't like some physical attributes (or other issues) -- because I'll find it tolerable. However, if I "did" find her physical attributes or something else annoying enough to consider ending the relationship, then I would end it and I wouldn't punish myself or feel guilty for it. I deserve to have what I want -- because I'm the one choosing! Whatever the consequences are for behaving that way are mine to have and hold.

    So, I'd ask myself that questions. Did I "really" want to stay with those women, or am I looking for something more, and if I am looking for something more, am I willing to accept the consequences of letting go of women that I've ended relatioships with.

    If you find that none of this applies and that you absolutely feel something is wrong with you, then I haven't a clue.
     
  8. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    to me there is nothing wrong w. being shallow as long as it is driven by your own preferences. why would you want to settle for someone if YOU do not find them compatible with what you want/need?
     

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