SRS I am more depressed now than I have ever been

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by grind83, Sep 20, 2006.

  1. grind83

    grind83 New Member

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    I have never really felt all that bad. Life was shitty during childhood but it has done nothing but get better since.

    Me and my girlfriend broke up last week, I just took an easy test and didnt finish because I couldnt focus due to lack of sleep and eating, and I have realized that maybe all the things I thought were so good - might not be as I saw them, along with others things.

    I feel physically ill. My heart wont stop racing, I feel intense pressure in my entire body, my eyesight is going blurry, my brain wont stop on one idea long enough to come to a conclusion - just races past everything, and I dont see anything in the near future to make this better.

    WTF do I do, I feel like I'm dying. I know people go through this shit and I should tough it out, but I think something is seriously wrong with me.

    Should I go see someone or go to the hospital or what?
     
  2. misha

    misha New Member

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    i know exactly how you feel. I just broke it off with the second girl I ever loved. While I had the same feelings as you with the first one they were long ago and i cant remember. But this saturday night I came home after a night out. Both my roomates were away with their girlfriends. I was home all alone and got extremely depresed. Called the girlfriend, she was on her way to a club. told me she'll call after. Shes on the west coast im on the East. I woke up at 5:30 am feeling the same exact thing you described. I couldnt move, breathe or blink. I had the most horrible feeling in my stomach. I felt like if she didnt call me I would die. I couldnt immagine not being with her. This is why it had to end. :hs: the only thing i can tell you, is spend ALOT of time with your friends. if they are good friends they will get you out of this rut. If it wasnt for friends i dont know what wouldve happened to me the first time. This time also for that matter.
     
  3. grind83

    grind83 New Member

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    My friends have been amazing. They have all spent time with me talking about (almost too much time) and have gone out of their way to make me feel better. Even the ex has gone out of her way to make me feel better.

    Thats the thing about it. Shes amazing, and she cares about me a great deal. She knows how much I love her and I know how much she used to love me. Now she wants to be my best friend - those are her words - and I dont know if Ill ever be able to heal if that happens. I want to spend time with her and be there for her, but its tearing apart any kind of healing I have made.

    She is in every class of mine and she always wants to study together, do projects together, homework together, etc., and I enjoy doing those things with her - but now its as friends. I dont get the affection I used to get when we did those things together. Its painful to walk away from her without a hug and a kiss. Now we just say bye, with nothing else.

    Nothing is getting better - time is not healing. If anything it gets worse everyday. I have never been this way in my life and I have always been positive. Now I am so negative that I am thinking crazy thoughts. I mean, I am posting this on OT. That alone is desperation - although I do appreciate very much any interaction with anyone here about this.

    I really hope this gets better soon. If it doesnt, Im afraid I may be running out of time. I dont see how this feeling can get that much worse. I did decide to go see a doctor though, maybe they can sedate me with some drug or something <- I have always been so against that, but fuck if I can think of anything else to do.

    Thanks again for anyone who thinks they can help.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    When I've gone through that the best thing was for me to get away for a while. Everyone always says "dont think about it" and all that bullshit but you have to actually take yourself out of the negative space to stop thinking about it, if not for a few hours.
     
  5. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    shit...Exact same scenario as me...Except my ex hooled up with some other guy 2 weeks after she left me...she said she wanted to be my best friend too, and would be there for me...except she abondoned me...She just got back from vacation with this guy...wtf...we in our 4 years of being together never really had a vacation...we wanted to go, but it never really happened....It'd been 3 months already since she left me...i wanted to kill myself too..sometimes I still wish to die, but I don't know why I don't go and do it...I guess thing could be worse for you as my situation.... Spend a little bit of time away from her...then gradually start seeing her again...I saw my ex for the first time in 2 months this past sunday...just talking to her made me feel a little better, but it is hard...I still don't know what I can do, but I just live one day at a time...Just go by each day and get your shit done for that day..seconds turn into minute into hours and into days...That's how I've gotten by so far...just talk to people and try to laugh and smile...don't be mad as that will just fuel your desire to hurt yourself or do something stupid..I really want to get over her, but it's hard after you give your heart away for 4 years. Really the most important thing to do is to keep busy...there will be times when you will be alone, and can't help but to think about the situation, but just get by...don't let it overwhelm you. This healing will take a long time, so please dont get your hopes down if things don't get better in months, but you will heal little by little..If it's affecting your health please seek medical attention...don't put yourself through that. Again right now the best thing to do is focus on a day, not the week or month, but just the day..Get by it and let time take it's course.
     
  6. vandirt

    vandirt New Member

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    I know that one of the core feelings of depression is loneliness. You feel really lonely within your own troubles and this feeling still persists- sometimes- even when you have support in your daily life from friends or family. It is the worst feeling ever. I know.

    It might help you (and it may help me also after I finish typing this) that at this exact moment my body feels the same way and I'm pretty fucking scared. My beathing is short, my chest is tight and I have been super-tense and anxious all day. Logical or not, I am afraid to go to sleep because I feel I might get sick or stop breathing or something. The worst part is that I don't know how sick my body really is right now or how much my depression is causing it.

    :sadwavey: You're not alone buddy. :sadwavey:
     
  7. vandirt

    vandirt New Member

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    I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I fucking need to relax or I think I'm just gonna explode/collopse from all this anxiety.
     
  8. illmaceyougood

    illmaceyougood New Member

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    It'll never work about even if you do get back together. Move on.
     
  9. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    People seperate for a reason, that is the truth.... I know its hard to see past your emotions, your ego, your pain and confusion, im going through the very same thing right now, I feel dead inside, but i'll find myself again, find faith and love for myself again....... It stings... but this too shall pass, hang in there friend, you're trully not alone in this, and never alone in anything.
     

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