SRS I am kinda messed up - severely lacking discipline

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by sp0rk in the ear, Oct 25, 2006.

  1. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

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    I'm a senior living at college en route to graduating in May. I hate school and I do the least amount possible to slide by with a 2.7 GPA. I procrastinate what little work I do because a deadline is the only way I'll get off my ass to do an assignment. I don't have the motivation to care about it. Lately I've been realizing I don't have the motivation to do much of anything in my life and it's driving me crazy. For example, I am 21 and still a virgin. I've dated women but they never last long as I am skilled in making things awkward and boring. The only ones I've dated are the ones that fall into my lap showing obvious interest in me. I know I should make more of an effort but I find myself putting that off too. I've never really made a real decision about my life, or at least, my decisions have all been in procrastination. I decided to go to college only because I didn't know what I wanted to do. I want to get in better shape and start going to the gym, but once I start doing anything like that I always slide back into my routine of doing nothing. I could go on with more examples, I've been thinking about this a lot (perhaps way too much) lately and I'm just now realizing how bad this kind of attitude is. I care, but I don't care. I feel pretty worthless, but helpless to do anything about it.

    Last week, I let my homework pile up so much that I almost withdrew from the university because I'm tired of this. I wanted to hop a plane to Europe just to do something out of the ordinary shit I'm so sick of. Everyone says I should just finish school before I do anything drastic, but why am I here if I often choose sleeping over going to class? I want to improve myself. I want to feel good about accomplishing something that I did because I wanted to do it. I am not getting that here.

    I have plenty of friends here because I live near home. My parents always help me out of a jam and back me financially. I feel too propped up, too anchored to a past I no longer want to be associated with. My older brother who is 22 is in the Coast Guard. I'm real close with him as we grew up together and he is the closest thing I have to a best friend. But I feel so completely overshadowed by him. There are so many qualities he has that I wish I possessed. I'm constantly jealous of him and I'm a bastard for it. I feel like a lot of the decisions I've made are me trying to mimic him, or doing something different so people wouldn't think I was trying to be like him. Sometimes I wish I had joined the Coast Guard, and he had gone to college. I'm thinking now maybe I should enlist after college, or even now and finish up my last semester's worth on the GI bill. I feel like I should enlist and try to get stationed somewhere far away. I don't want to get a job right after college behind some desk or something, I want something interesting that doesn't put people to sleep when you talk about it. Maybe the Coast Guard can do both, along with help me gain some discipline?

    The main reason why I haven't already dropped college is because my parents are paying for all my insurance, and I will lose them all upon graduation/dropping out. Is this all as stupid and irrational as it sounds? Why am I always confused? How come I never know what I want, or when I do know what I want, I am unable to get it? Why do I put off everything? How come I'm tired all the time? I don't know who to turn to anymore. I'm losing runway fast and I'm not up to speed. What the fuck is wrong with me? =(
     
  2. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    It sounds like you need some motivation and that you're not being bad just for the sake of being bad, it sounds to me like you need some kind of direction. Perhaps you are a bit disorganized and need to start writing down things that need to be done today and set deadlines for them. You also need to set some personal goals to accomplish so that you have something to strive for. It can be as simple as getting a to do list for today done, or something as big as saving up severral thousand dollars to use on a special project.

    We can accomplish alot but not without some kind of plan. Some people can keep good mental notes, then there's those of us who need it on paper in front of us...I'm one of those. I even call my house and leave voicemail to remind me of something I need to do when I get home. I tried email for awhile but sometimes I don't get onto my computer after coming home from work until it's almost bedtime, by then too late to do it.

    So think of a goal you want to accomplish.

    The following info is taken from "The 5 Keys" by Michael Grace:

    1. Set your goal - make it clear and concise, and make it something achievable/attainable. In other words, don't make it a goal to have a BMW on your driveway in 5 months when all you make is $5.15/hour at a fast food restaurant.

    2. Set a deadline - use a deadline that is achievable, but not too long or you'll never get around to it.

    3. Create a plan - write down the steps you need to take to accomplish your goal. Break it down into sub-plans if needed.

    4. Measure your progress - check your plan daily/weekly, make a chart to mark how far along you are.

    5. Make a chart/checklist - kinda goes along with #4, check off each item as you accomplish it, you will see your progress and as the list of steps lessens, you will be closer to accomlpishing your goal :)

    Read here for the full details on the 5 keys, it's almost a 2 hour read, but definitely worth it:

    http://members.cox.net/monimaid/The_5_Keys.pdf


    It's admirable that you want to accomplish the things your brother has, but you have to remember he is who he is and you are who you are, and his path in life may not necessarily be the right one for you. Don't kick yourself for not accomplishing what he has...you have a lifetime to accomplish things, you don't have to have everything all done by age 23 :hs:
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2006
  3. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    hey, i'm exactly the same way. I'm just kinda driftin around in college half-assin everything until i graduate. I really, honestly, don't care about where i'm going in life because I know that i'll have the same attitude then, as I do now.

    I have no idea what is causing this, but I have some maybe's:
    trouble at home, i'm tired of arguing with my parents everyday over the same stupid shit.

    School. i've been going for sooo damn long that it just seems like a chore now. Same with work.

    Dating. I'm the same with dating. The only girls I have dated are the ones who took the initiative to ask ME out. Even then on the dates, i just didn't care what happened.

    Day in and day out, the same stupid shit over and over until I die. I just don't understand how some people have such a "passion" for living.
     
  4. REEPER

    REEPER New Member

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    I'm in the same boat, I attribute it to a lack of feeling/subjectivity. I possess no real interests, just go with the flow doing what society demands of me. Same goes for university, just looking for a diploma in order to earn money and pass my days in relative comfortability before eventually popping my clogs. As for relationships, never had any interest in people so I've never actively pursued a relationship with a girl nor have women ever shown any interest in me, this I attribute to my mundane personality and probably poor looks. Logically I have no reason to continue living yet I'm too much of a wussy to end my life, annoying self preservational instincts.
     
  5. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    On the flip side to what a lot of people have mentioned here, I was in the same position of a lot of the posters saying that they had little to no motivation -- and it showed in different aspects of their life.

    I'm not certain how to explain why I overcame my lack of motivation, but I felt that I had something better to offer for myself and my future. I had a 2.9 overall GPA in college. I did what I needed to do to get by, but in my earlier years, my teachers had said I'd excel. I felt as though I was letting those teachers down -- but more importantly, I was letting myself down. I knew I wasn't living up to my full potential.

    I set a goal for myself -- I wanted a 3.0 overall GPA by the time I graduated. It was late in my junior year when I made this decision, so I didn't have much time. With the hardest classes my senior year, I knew it was going to be difficult.

    Wanna know what? I did awesome. I made Dean's List both semesters in my senior year with the more difficult classes. Why? I set a goal and I knew what I needed to do. I didn't magically get smarter, but I set a goal. I was motivated, I suppose, but I wasn't getting around to what I wanted to do.

    Goal setting helps a lot, but knowing and realizing that you aren't as horrible as you make yourself seem. You aren't a lump of flesh, go out and make yourself better -- for your future.
     
  6. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

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    That was a hell of a response KatWoman, thank you. Organization is something I've always avoided because it goes against my procrastination. I have to start somewhere though, and I know you're right. I can just see it being one of those things that I start doing but eventually drop like working out or trying to eat healthier. I wish I didn't think like this but it's just my nature. I'm starting to feel like I need to go somewhere or do something that will make me appreciate these things more, or at least develop my motivation enough to deserve them.

    familyguy101, REEPER - Trust me I hear you. I've just sort of realized that if you don't know what you want that you end up with a lot of things you don't want. So one thing I know I want is to get the fuck out of here when I graduate. I don't want to settle down into some job I probably won't like. I want to do something out of character and unexpected. Take the reigns and see where it takes me, not caring what happens. I know my family is a safetynet that I can fall back on and I'm lucky to have that. If you guys are in the same boat, have you ever considered cutting your anchors and going somewhere/doing something just to see where it would take you? It could be the best/worse thing you ever did, but either way you're learning from it, ya know? I've pretty much gotten all I can out of this college thing and I want out.

    Out of present discontent and future curiosity this is why I want to enlist. I know I'll end up in different places, and I'm sure to make new friends. I know there's things I'll experience there that I wouldn't anywhere else. What do I really have to lose? besides 4 years of freedom and choice that I don't really want right now. The last thing I want is to end up behind some desk doing some shit job I hate.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I know it's not really that useul, but it offers something of an explanation. Habits are hard to break. This includes both good and bad habits. You have horrible habits when it comes to studying/schoolwork, and you're going to have to work doubly hard to break them and get into new ones.

    It's like what they always said in high school...how you study in high school will be how you study in college. Sure, everyone blows it off at the time, but it's true.
     
  8. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    you have roles, but no identity
     
  9. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

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    Organize=Go buy a giant "lay on your desk" calander. Tear off all the months. Go buy some colored sheets of posterboard. Glue all the months on the boards (rubber cement is best = no wrinkels), and post them up on a wall in your room. Pull out all your couse syllabuses, wirte down all projects test dates ect. on your new lifesize wall calender. Pull out your college calender thingy, and write down all your breaks and other important dates, like football games etc.

    I like this method, because it forces you to always know where you stand, computers are great at keeping you appointements and reminding you, but you rarley see the big picture. This will allow you to see the big picture.

    Motivate = You need motivation. For me I had to drop out of school and try to make it on my own for 3 years to find that motivation. You can actually make decent money if you are intelligent and hard working and have a multitude of white collar skills as I am/do. I was a maintence man for apartments for a year, I installed underground gas systems (conveinece stores) for a year, and I was a landscaper for a year. Why each for 1 year, cause I told myself Next year I'll go back. Took 3 years, and a female who said, I really love you, but I want you to be the person I always dreamed of marrying, i.e. successful etc. Since I didn't want to start my own business success=finish college get good job.

    How you can motivate your self? Hell I don't know. You could go volunteer at a homeless shelter to make you realize how good you have it. You could go work for a program like Meals on Wheels were you bascially help the poor. Hell, you could got to an AA meeting and listen to sad stories. I would imagine the the effects of the above wouldn't be long lasting.

    Maybe you DO need the military to whip your ass into shape.
     
  10. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    :wavey:

    Like someone mentioned already, old habits are hard to break. However, you can break the habit(s) if you REALLY WANT TO or you get a rude awakening. My husband tried to quit smoking on several occasions back in the day. He'd go a few weeks or months, then get in mood and light up again. It wasn't until he climbed a flight of stairs one day, to the 2nd floor, and was so out of breath he was feeling faint. He was only 22 years old at the time. Reality hit him that day...that if this was how it was at 22, he didn't wanna know what it was gonna be like at 32 or 42...if he lived to see that. He's now gone 6+ years without so much as a puff and now he can't stand it when he goes to bars with friends and smells all the smoke.

    Think of something you really want in life...let's use going into the Coast Guard as an example (dont forget to write out your plan).

    SET YOUR GOAL
    become member of the Coast Guard

    SET A DEADLINE
    June 2007

    CREATE A PLAN
    • research requirements
    • call recruiter
    • do what needs to be done or as instructed by recruiter
    • sign up!

    MEASURE YOUR PLAN
    Check your notes daily/weekly to see how far you've gotten, remind yourself of things you may still need to do along the way

    CHART/CHECK LIST
    write down items under "create a plan" and check them off as you accomplish them

    If you can accomplish 1 goal, then you can accomplish 2 and the more you accomplish the more you can do, the better you'll feel and the more reason you'll have to enjoy life.

    And if you choose to finish out school (which I hope you do), you can use that plan for even a simple assignment like a term paper.

    We are given only 1 life to live here on earth, and only a limited amount of time. What we do with our time is more important than how much we have. Whether your young or old, it's never too late to get out of the rut and get things done.

    :hug:
     
  11. aldrinefedorov

    aldrinefedorov New Member

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    heaven...soon
    how about motivation from our God Almighty?!:)that's the best driver
     
  12. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    I dont know what would motivate myself either.... It's a difficult thing to figure out.
     
  13. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    I feel for you. I have no motivation. I sleep all day dont care about life. I dont really know what to say but feel better.
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The problem is that you have been spoiled to much, it would have been better for you to have been born with parents who lived in a shed who had nothing.

    You see if you had nothing then you'd realise that you had to FIGHT for your FUTURE. Then you'd realise that you had to EARN what you RECEIVE in life. Then you'd realise that school was just another word for 'an investment in myself for my own future'

    You see no matter how much you get thrown into your lap, you have to 'stand on your own feet', a real adult takes responsibility for his own life, you are but a child and do not understand the concept of why everyone works so hard in school because you don't see the reasons behind it. And one could not blame you, heck if everything gets thrown into your lap, why would you make any effort of any kind to progress or stand on your own legs?

    The worst thing for a guy is being inactive, and wasting your life on things that lead to nothing. Your life so far has lead to nothing, you see your parents are here enhance your life, they guide and protect you. But they forgot to state , that winning this war called life is up to YOU!

    You are your worst enemy who you have to defeat.
     
  15. sp0rk in the ear

    sp0rk in the ear New Member

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    Yeah you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I know all this, that's why I want to totally alter my living environment. I am far too comfortable. I work in a low income housing establishment that houses lots of people who have little to nothing. Mental illnesses, no money, recovering addicts, and people who can't get jobs around here because they have criminal records. I only work security, but I still see what it's like, yet it is still so difficult for me to appreciate what I have. I take everything for granted and I only feel guilty about it because I know I should. I feel like I need to lose what is propping me up in order to become someone I can be proud of. Experience things firsthand. And I want to start from scratch.

    Thanks for your replies. Strangers give such better advice than friends and family. To those in the same boat as me, I hope you can break out of this. :hsd:
     
  16. Boomhauer

    Boomhauer New Member

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  17. Fluffhead

    Fluffhead New Member

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    wtf
     

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