I am in semi panic mode v.readifyoucare

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by eskarinna, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    So my mom is ariving tomorrow from europe and i am about to have a panic attack.
    Reason being that i haven't seen my mom since august 1998, we have talked on the phone regularly but haven't seen her in over 9 years.
    She is comming for my wedding and she will stay with me and my fiance untill the end of january.

    I am really worried how that will affect our relationship. She doesn't speak any english and he doesn't speak any bulgarian - i assume most guys would absolutely love to have that barrier with their mother in law. I can translate which will be good and i have done it well in the past when he met my auntie but there will be 1-2 hrs everyday when the 2 of them will be on their own wile i get back from work. (he gets home at 5 i get home at 7)

    He is nervous and scared and excited and i am afraid how all this will afect our relationship esp when its added to the stress of our wedding, work, hollidays and all this. We will also have to meet my mom with his family which i loose breathing cappabilities just thinking about it.

    I need some brainstorming what will be a good way to cope with this situation so he doesn't feel leftout, neglected, stressed or overwelmed as well as give the time and attention to my mom since we haven't been together in so long.

    I am not sure what exactly i am expecting but i have noone else to talk about it and i need venting and moral support. I have a history of fighting with my mom and i hope to god this doesn't resurfice. I try to belive that we have both changed since the time i was in puberty and she was in menopause but i am still very affraid, i want her to have a great vacation with us and not have any conflicts with neither of them.
     
  2. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Spend time together as a family. Just go out (on the weekends I suppose) and try to have some movie nights. I've never been through this type of situation, but I think you'll do fine. Just relax, both of your families are going to be one big family now. Just be happy, you're about to get married! :big grin: Manage your stress wisely and have some "me time". Do things as they come and one at a time. Relax and breathe!! Congrats on the wedding! :big grin:
     
  3. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    holy crap thats not going to be fun for your future husband.


    Its something that you will have to deal with. But January is a long time. Id just rent her out her own place (300-500 dollars for a furnished Apt)

    I would insist on it if i was the fiance if you guys live together. That is too much time for a guest to stay. WAY Too much time.
     
  4. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    are you serroius? We have a 4 bedroom house with 3 emtpy rooms and i will send my mom to an apartment? Even if it wasn't for me not seeing her in 9 years i would never do something like that. She was invited as a guest by both me and my fiance and we loved to have her around even if it was for longer than the 2 months.

    He actualy asked me if there is any way she can stand till march so he can plan a vacation to vegas and florida with her -.-
     
  5. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    that thing with the phrases is great idea. I already did that with phrases for her travel but didn't think of doing it for both of them for when they are together.

    I am sure she will have what to do while we are both gone but i will check if there is a way to get bg chanel or russian here. She will have my doggie too and knowing her she will be cooking and cleaning half of the day anyway -.-.

    I am sorry to say there is nothing around where we live to allow her to explore we don't even have public transportation yet newly developed city.
     
  6. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I did a homestay in Austria once, and the family spoke decent english, but the father really couldn't get past "hello, how are you," and I ended up spending a really good deal of my time (while not in school) at home with him. We couldn't communicate AT ALL, but he honestly spent most of his time puttering around making food, doing whatever it is he did all day, and trying too feed me, showing me how to get to German Simpsons on TV, and giving me English books and magazines. Whenever he did something, I would just smile and say thank you and make sure to act interested in whatever he was trying to do for me.
    Granted, I was his guest, but I've spent a lot of time with people I can't talk to while abroad, and in general it always goes better than I think it will, and we normally just do what we would be doing anyway, just with another person.
    She's your mom, she'll probably just take up with general mothering while your husband does his normal stuff. Just make sure he tries to include her. (If he goes to the store, lead mom to the car too,and take her along.) Learn a few phrases, and order some movies she can understand.
    She is probably dreading this worse than you are, she's in the strange environment, and shes stuck with nothing but English speakers (aside from you) and he only has to get used to one. Any effort will probably be appreciated by her.
     
  7. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    yeah she is in panic about the whole traveling thing she hasn't slept in 4 days -.-

    I am scared of the whole mothering part though i know there is no way around it but i haven't been parented in looong time. I can hear it now - stand straight, no elbows on the table, make your bad, stop bouncing your legs, don't touch your face -.-
    how do you people cope with all this ( the ones who live with their parents still or see them on regular basis) i mean it was ok when i was a kid but now i wouldn't know how i will even react when it comes out
     
  8. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    well im sure our lifestyles are different, but anything over a month, even for a parent is far too long and intrusive for me. However, I believe our cultures are different, I dont go that long w/o seeing my parents, so a week for me would be plenty.
     
  9. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    more than likely, she will realize youre an adult and wont try to go back to overparenting you like she did when you were a kid. I mean, she's coming to the states for your WEDDING. However, if you do notice she's being overly intrusive, just inform her politely that youre an adult now, you live on your own, and you can take care of yourself. If that doesnt work, you can always go the route of just quietly accepting her comments but overall doing as you please, so you're not offending her but not driving yourself crazy either.

    good luck with the whole situation! sounds like you have a great fiance to offer to put up with his future MIL for that long, not all men would be that willing to give up their "alone time" with their fiancees/new wives. I really think everyone will probably settle into their routine and it will be fine.
     
  10. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    yankeechick is right. When I grew up/moved out, my relationship with my mother totally changed. She still parents, and secretly loves it when I ask her for help, but she's stopped most of the "sit up straight" shit. When she does something like that, its always in a much more respectful manner.
    You'll feel each other out for a bit and readjust.
     
  11. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Is she making any effort to learn english? If not then maybe you can get her some program to help her. I can't imagine spending 2 months in a country where you don't know the language at all and only have 1 person you can speak to :eek4:

    Also look online to see if you can find any other bulgarians in your area for her to hang out with. A friend of mine's grandparents were hungarian and they've lived in this country for years without ever learning english because they found a whole group of hungarian people they could go do things with.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ouch. She's staying until te end of January? :eek3: That is a long time. But yeah, we have to focus on the positives...and that is that you have to help your fiance/husband out as much as possible. He's most likely going to feel annoyed that she is always there and for the amount of time she's staying. You guys are Newlyweds, you are supposed to have time to yourself and you will. That's what you'll most likely have to stress to him.
     
  13. Isamu

    Isamu New Member

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    i know about the language barrier issues.. i was in africa for 4 months.. it's not easy.. but anyway..

    get your fiance an english to bulgarian dictionary.. for like 5 bucks he can have access to all the words and some phrases he will need :)
     
  14. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    Its not in my culture i had no other chance to see her. Its 13 hr flight not including the stops and wait time. It cost more than 3k for round trip and someone has to pay the bills here so i could never actualy get the time to go visit. This is the first time she got visa to come and paying 3500 euro and traveling at the age of 64 for that long time has to be done in a big interval if not for any other reason at least for her health and well being.
     
  15. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    Thanks :)

    Well we have been living together on our own for well over a year and a half so is not like this is our first chance of lbeing together. We were actualy postponing the wedding untill we can both go there and get married so i can have my family included but when my mom got a tourist visa we planed the wedding so its in the window of her comming.

    Everyone thinks this is my last chance to see her and since i wont get vacation for another year best thing we could do was get her here wile her health allows it.
     
  16. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    She showed interest in roseta stone approach when i told her about it. I don't think there will be enough time and i have to first teach her how to use a computer. She knows few languages - russian french ittalian and some german I know she can get by if she tried really hard and if the person on the other end was good with accents but aside from that we will see.
     
  17. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    Heh don't forget he is older than me and much more settled than man my age or yours for that matter. We are oldies our weeknights are usualy spent in front of the tv behind our laptops and he has to go to bed 2 hrs earlier than me and go to work 2 hrs earlier =] If anything i will have someone to talk to when he is asleep :X
     
  18. Mulsanne

    Mulsanne The Man = Funk Fusion Chaos

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    particularly immediately after you get marriedc
     
  19. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    May I ak why? What would the marriege change?
     
  20. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    yea i mean i didnt think it was, well anyones culture to go that long. However yes I can understand why she is staying so long. But remember that is a long time. You fiance is a very patient man if he puts up with it.

    you better make that Blowjob MONTH!
     
  21. Mulsanne

    Mulsanne The Man = Funk Fusion Chaos

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    Well just because youve just cemented the fact that it is you and he for the rest of your lives. I always thought I would want to revel in being alone with my new spouse and just fuck like rabbits.

    If it doesnt bother you though it doesnt bother you :dunno:
     
  22. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    thast what i thought too.
     
  23. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I don't think it'll be that big of a deal...I've traveled abroad a lot and sometimes at first a barely knew the language and got along fine. I stayed with my aunt's for weeks at a time and I BARELY knew the language. If they love eachother and have the bond of blood they probably won't get annoyed with having to sign out things.

    And to people saying it's a drain on the marriage...she's lived with the guy for awhile and marriage really isn't going to change their lives that much, so I still think it should be fine.
     
  24. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    Still think it should be BJ month. Give him major points for even putting up for it. Remember he is not used to that and give him more breaks than usual if he is being a dick or something

    Edit: All along this was something he never had the option to say no to either. remember that.
     
  25. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    yes he did.... He had to invite he. He had a choice and he tought it will be good. Dont forget he has never seen any of my family he is actualy anxious to meet them since they will be his family very soon.
     

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