SRS I am in mental hell right now

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kimjongil, Sep 26, 2005.

  1. kimjongil

    kimjongil Guest

    First off, I'm clinically depressed and on meds.

    Last night I made the hugest fucking mistake of my life. i cheated on my loving, loyal, supportive girlfriend of 2 years. It was a drunken mistake, I still own up to the choice i made but it was a huge mistake. I still love her and want her.

    Anyways, I told her. I had to because I love and respect her so much that I could barely look her in the eye. Even still I have this burning pain in the pit of my stomach.

    She was obviously devastated, although she did take it a little better than I would expect. That's not saying too much though. The thing that makes this paticularly horrible is that she's been cheated on before, more than once. Anyways, has anyone ever been in a similar situation and managed to rebuild things? I don't expect it to happen overnight, and I know things will never be quite the same, but I can't imagine my life without her. The thought of it alone causes me to start shivering, tearing up and basically just fall apart.

    She said she needs to think about things which is understandable. Do you guys have any advice?
     
  2. toeshoes

    toeshoes Guest

    Never, ever, ever tell your SO if you cheat on them. Your relationship is doomed.
     
  3. kimjongil

    kimjongil Guest

    I'm afraid that you may be right. Thing is, it was ruined the moment I cheated anyways. When i woke up this morning I couldn't look her in the eye and I couldn't even put my arms around her with out feeling like a huge liar scumbag. And I know myself, that wouldn't have changed until i cleared the air.
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    so you made yourself feel better by ruining her view on your relationship.
    I would want to know if my husband cheats, but it would be a hell of a lot easier to work things out if I didn't know (hypotheticaly).
    Good luck with everything! And don't blame your depression for your cheating ;)
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The only thing you learn from mistakes is that you shouldn't make them. As you see booze destroys more then you love, and you will have to work like a dog to fix your relationship.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yeah, you got to see that actions have consequences.
    Even if you never tell anyone, YOU will still know.

    It's pretty much up to your girlfriend now. Say an act of contrition ten times.
     
  7. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    It's time to go into overtime on "show that you care for her" mode. Don't become pitiful, but do everything you can to let her know that she's the only one that means anything to you. As far as I'm concerned, cheating physically in a drunken mess is hurtful, but not irreversible. It's affairs (ie cheating in your heart) that does the serious damage. This is undoable.
     
  8. Rowdy

    Rowdy New Member

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    I dont have any advice but good luck, I hope she can come around to getting over it, she wont forget or forgive you more than likely.
     
  9. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Betrayal is nothing nothing but Soul Pain.
    There is no excuse for screwing around on one's SO....never, ever.
    Put yourself in her shoes...how would you feel?
     
  10. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    You can help the situation by putting blocks in place to ensure that this incident doesn't happen again. I'm sure your seared conscience will help keep that from happening, but she can't see that. You need to demonstrate through action that you are committed to changing yourself for the better.

    So,
    - Cut off all communication with the girl you cheated with. Take her off your instant messenger and IRC lists and remove her from the address books in your cellphone and email client.
    - Stop drinking and get yourself to an AA center, stat. You may not think have a drinking problem, but you surrendered your judgement to alcohol. Therefore, you have a problem. Make sure she knows that you went. In fact, get your GF to drive you there and pick you up.
    - Go to your doctor and get your situation reassessed. Do you need all the meds you're on right now? Consider seeing another doctor for a second opinion.
    - Start writing your thoughts into a journal. Anything and everything. This will help your healing process as well as give her insight as to what is going on in your head. Put the journal in a place she can see, and let her know that she is welcome to look at it. This may not change her mind but at least you are now completely and totally open to her.

    This is only a start. You'll still have to work on things with her if she chooses to take you back, and she would be completely within her rights to dump your sorry ass at the curb. The blunt truth is that there was an emotional deficit somewhere or you wouldn't have cheated in the first place. Find out what it is and deal with it.
     
  11. kimjongil

    kimjongil Guest

    Thank you Teo and others for your help. I'm going to take your advice.
     
  12. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    :werd: but undoing it is only a possibility, you will most likely not overcome it. she may end up getting into revenge mode or even defense mode and get rid of you before you hurt her again, please never drink again unless you're around her.
     
  13. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Any updates?
     
  14. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    honestly... if you could have kept this silent... forever.. and could feel safe that it would stay silent forever... than you should have said nothing as you have obviously learned from this... you're human and we all make mistakes..... learning is a part of life and you've now learned something...

    now, if this was your second time, then yes i'd recommend either seeing someon about it, or telling the SO and going from there...

    point is, we all make mistakes and we all learn from them. i always told my gf that she has a sensible head on her shoulders and will believe her, in the event that something like this happens, and that's she genuinly sorry over it..

    the key is to not be upset, because you WANT them to approach you if it happens again, so you can DUMP there asses the second time around... :)
     

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