SRS I am good at shutting people out of life without feeling any regrets

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by LeaveMeAloneffs, Jan 29, 2008.

  1. LeaveMeAloneffs

    LeaveMeAloneffs New Member

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    Now i don't know if this is a good thing or not, for some reason i decided to dump my cellphone with all my contacts in it just because i think people around my circle just isn't the type i need to get to where i want to go. This just got me thinking, i don't feel any regrets in doing this whatsoever. I just also realized my re-curring tendecy of detachment from others

    I can easily make friends with people and completely shut them off as if they never existed the next day

    I'd date girls for a long period of time and just ignore them just because im tired of them

    I also get tired of my friends and just ignore their phone calls or invitations and i'll be totally fine with it

    i don't know whats wrong with me, but if one of my good friends died or decided to disappear from existence, i don't know what to feel. i wouldnt cry or miss them. it just feels like they're detached from me emotionally. My ex dumped me 8 months ago, i was more like happy that she decided to end the relationship cuz i feel like she sucks the life out of me. She tried to get ahold of me the past week and i just ignored her call. Im having a tough time forming emotional bonds with people other than my own family

    Does anybody else in here feel this way sometimes?
     
  2. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    all the time. I remember being a kid and my friendships were very special. As I grew up I just became all "ehh" about it. The reason I do it is because I just don't see anything special about most people anymore.
     
  3. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    yea ive done that. its called growing into yourself and realizing where you want to go.
     
  4. Yossarian

    Yossarian OT Supporter

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    I don't know anyone I knew six months ago. I grow tired of people real fast and just leave them behind. And I don't necessarily try to make new friends either.
     
  5. dura

    dura Guest

    Came into the Army and I only talk to the family, a few friends here, and a few from before.

    It's normal, I realized most of them are burdens to me.
     
  6. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    It's not bad or good... it's what it is. If it makes you depressed, something wrong. If you find joy in making/breaking friendships, somethings wrong. But if you're happy just doing your thing then live and let live. I'm the same way. I keep a close group of people around me, talk to them daily wether they are 3 feet or 3,000 miles away. I have a ton acquaintances, I have a solid group of friends and family. I prefer to keep it like that.

    However, just remember somewhere out there there is another person that has the same goals and desires as you do and would make a pretty kick ass partner in crime... don't shut people out for the sake of shutting them out. I'm sure when you run into that person or group you'll know.

    REMEMBER, DON'T BURN BRIDGES UNLESS IT'S NECESSARY!!!
     
  7. l S3RG10 l

    l S3RG10 l New Member

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    Checking in. I feelthe same way. I love making new friends and when uta run its course I move on. No biggie.
     
  8. TopDawg

    TopDawg New Member

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    Well, I personally don't have a lot of friends. But it is worth it to have "some" true friends. I guess what you mean as people on your phone list are more like acquaintances. Those I have a lot: people that you see walking on campus and saying hi to, maybe with a few lines of pleasantry, but nothing substantial that you feel really connected to. But no matter what, I always have a few good friends that i can kick it with. It's not about the quality of the conversations we have, but just being very familiar with each others' presence.

    I guess everyone will have that feeling of isolation sometimes. Shit, I feel like a loner sometimes. But kicking it with your best friends, over beer or just cuzzin' and bitchin' about life is good for you. Real good.
     
  9. doggystylin

    doggystylin New Member

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    Consider yourself lucky, I'd much rather be like that than get easily attached or emotional about someone have them be the one who doesn't care and dump you like nothing, now that hurts.
     
  10. childofbean

    childofbean Green Member

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    Same here. Only I get lonely sometimes. :hs:
    People just suddenly start to annoy me, so I ignore them until they stop contacting me. I feel bad about it, but I just can't make myself talk to them.
    I think it's partly an anxiety issue, though.
     
  11. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    The solution to these things is pretty simply, unless you have a history of abandonment and lack the ability to discriminate who is healthy and safe to let into your life, and who is a threat.

    People tend to go to extremes with this issue. Either everyone is allowed in, or everyone is kept out.

    It's important to accept that it's ok to be "balanced" in the middle. Let some in, but only after thorough investigation. Give it plenty of time, to see what the person has to offer, whether or not they show red flags. I've talked about red flags at length here.

    Sane people make you feel good, insane people make you feel "mixed feelings" or "bad" feelings. Basically, keep your guard up and don't get close to anyone until they've proven themselves, but keeping your guard up doesn't mean shutting them out of your life. Let them into "parts" - this allows you to strictly control the process.

    I tend to give to people to see how they respond to "taking". The things I give are superficial to me, but valuable to them. Sometimes a little advice, or some support when they are struggling with something -- even something minor.

    I extend my hand, and how the person responds tells me everything I need to know. Do they seem ungrateful, do they appreciate it and go out of their way to return the favor, do they act in a particular way?

    I also pay attention to how people talk. Do they talk about other people in negative ways? Gossip, yell, seem out of control? Do they whine, complain and disrespect people. Do they lack integrity, or do they do the opposite of these things?

    Filter people. Those who you know don't mean anything to you and who feel the same about you ought to be discarded from your inner circle. It's ok to leave people on the outside, but still be apart of their lives in someway. Co-workers for example, or people in your network, contacts that benefit you, or who you can benefit occasionally. You owe these people nothing, you don't even have to talk to them, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it (Unless you do, and if so then something else is going on).

    That's some "general" advice on this issue. If you want a more indepth explanation, I'll gladly give it.
     
  12. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    no easier way to shut people down than to just stop calling them.... eventually they stop calling you and if you run into them later its not awkward
     

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