SRS I am finally strong enough

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Sotangledup, Apr 5, 2005.

  1. Sotangledup

    Sotangledup Guest

    I'm taking my daughter leaving her father, tranferring colleges and moving across the country. I've been living in hell all my life and thought a man and a baby would make it better. It hasn't, now I live in more hell and this is insanity. My daughter doesn't deserve growing up this way with us always fighting. I'm so so scared but I don't know what else to do. It has come to the point we are physically abusing one another.

    I can't go to my parents because they are the reason I was unhappy to begin with. Years of inflicting me with fear, they fought infront of me all the time, it was hell in there too.

    I want to break the cycle already. All I want to do now is cry though, I just feel life owes me so much. A lot. I am so sick of always crying and imagining how much better my life could have been and it isn't. I tried so hard too. I tried pretending my parents didn't hurt me all of my life. I have deep social anxiety and I tried going out, working being social and I just feel like my head is going to blow up if I need to talk to one more person. Every single time I do I shake. It's a horrible thing. I tried working things out with her father, I tried doing well in my college, I'm trying to work but all this pressure is blowing up in my face. It was my dream to go to California and I've been denying it for years b/c my parents did not want me to move so far away and all this time I've felt so unhappy in this stupid college in VT but I can't. I'm so scared of my parent's reactions, I know you all think I'm grown up and such but they really know how to make me feel guilty. What other people see as normal things such as going to college in another state they see it as being a rebel. I'm so scared.

    I'm going to start taking drugs for my SA as well, anothe worry I have is how I'm going to live and support my daughter. With what money? I'm dirt poor, I'll work as much as I can but how will that be enough????
     
  2. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    First of all, congratulations, smart move.

    My parents stayed together for 20 years, despite that there was at least 4 fights a day. Life was hell growing up. The violence spilled over amongst us kids too, everyone would fight with everyone else.

    Follow your dream, but keep your eyes open and try to think rationally. Take chances only when the potential gain outweighs the risk.

    Take the drugs if need be, but don't become dependent on them. Learn to deal with it without any chemicals.

    Lastly, contact some social services, get their suggestions on how to maintain a standard of life until you get get on your own two feet.

    It'll be hard, but millions of other women are in your same shoes, and many of them are making it,so you know it can be done
     
  3. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    If you move to Southern California there are an abundance of jobs. Just start with something simple like being a waitress or an office clerk. There are plenty of people out here to be friends with too. Good luck. :wavey:
     
  4. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    mebbe you can get in touch with Bleed here and so have someone who knows the territory to help you figure out where you need to go.
     
  5. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    Sotangledup, Get involved in a 12 step program in your area that deals with your issues. You can work through this stuff.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Sotangledup a warning ,i do like to point out that i hope you have the custody over your child. The abusive battle with your daughters 'daddy' can turn into a legal battle , especially with no money in your pocket, i hope you are fully aware and prepared for this threat and risk that it involves.
     
  7. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I didn't think of that. But if there's a prior history of spousal abuse, it shouldn't be too hard, money or no
     

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