SRS I am afraid she is not making the best choice...why do I feel this way?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by McFly, Mar 24, 2006.

  1. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    A little background story... Met a girl a little over a year ago. She is 21, I am 29. We hung out and talked and chatted all the time but mainly only saw each other on weekends due to her travel schedule and just work in general. It turned into a friends with benefits type situation and we both knew it. We both had our separate lives with our other friends and everything was cool.

    She was a great companion, my hang out buddy if you will… Then her feelings got deeper for me and I wasn’t really into having a relationship at that time. I was kind of scared to go to that next level for some reason. We sort of had an argument and she saw a couple other guys but nothing progressed with them. I had this feeling like I was losing her and it scared me. Somehow we agreed to kind of continue things where they left off (this was about 6 months after we met) Towards the end of last year everything was cool again, we were back to how things were. We were actually doing more things together, I guess I was putting in more effort and trying harder this time.

    She always went to sing karaoke Thursday and Friday nights at a local dive bar with her best friend. I never went with her because it was about a 1.5 hour drive from my place, twice as far as her place. And the crowd there wasn’t my type. We always talked about the singing, the people there and her “fans” – a group of greasy weird guys.

    Enter the new Karaoke DJ… He was all she could talk about. His voice is the best she has ever heard, she was nervous to sing there now because she wasn’t as good as him.

    Now during this time I could sense things changing a little, but my feelings were growing for her now. I was falling for her a lot more now.

    Then during our normal good talks, she comes out and says “I don’t think we should talk anymore” My only feelings were total confusion, anger and wonder. I guess she had been hanging out with the karaoke DJ more than I knew. She stayed out all night with him a few times, red flag yes I know but she never did anything with him… But the whole time I still thought we were cool. Then he sang her a song in front of the whole place: Lonestar – Amazed and asked her to be his girlfriend.

    I talked to her on the phone for like 3 hours going thru every range of emotion during that time. I don’t know what kind of power this girl has but her way with words is incredible. I consider myself a world class debater, but all my material was shot down/questioned and bounced off her. I was pretty sad she wasn’t going to see me anymore. She determined that we shouldn’t talk to each other anymore to let things with her new guy progress.

    I haven’t talked to her in over a month and last night out of the blue she IMs me saying she is engaged!!!!!!! WTF I was in shock! :eek4: I just told her the usual stuff – wow that was fast, just be smart about everything yada yada.

    My main problem with all this is the intentions of the guy. He is 30, has a 10 year old kid and come on he is a Karaoke DJ! Seems like kind of a novelty job to have when you are 30! A DJ at a club yes is more respectable and they make WAY more money. But I am worried for her because she has an amazing job and is on track to be a specialist in her field and potential owner of a company.

    I fear he sees her as a supporter, because come on lets be honest, he is a loser… A “struggling artist” at best.

    I have lost my companion... She was a great friend. I am just so sad that a girl can't have guy friends after they get involved with another guy. Yes I know I didn't step up and I lost her. I tried twice to get her back after the DJ guy asked her. I am slowly getting over that fact but it's hard to just cut off and drop all communications with someone you connected with and talked to everyday. I told her stuff and she knows more about me than anyone else ever, even my best guy friends.

    So - I am afraid she is not making the best choice...why do I feel this way? Any other comments or similar expereinces people could share that would help me would be appreciated.

    Sorry if this was so long but I could write 10 pages easily..:hs:
     
  2. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    Its not your game anymore bro... move on
     
  3. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    It's not your job to be in her business. She has every right to marry this guy no matter what his financial situation. Your fears and problems with this guy stem more from your jealousy. Let it go and move on man. Let them be happy together and get started on your own happiness.
     
  4. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    if she doesn't want to be with you then she wasn't worth it from the beginning...if she wants to fuck up her life, let her. it's her choice, reguardless how stupid. you'll find someone better
     
  5. She's completely infatuated with him, probably due to his charm and trickery than actual true love. It's too common and it happened to a friend of mine as well. It's a tragic story but I won't tell it.

    I don't believe that there's anything you can do about it. But you should maybe realize that you're suffering from the same kind of overattachment. It's not love. It's the wrong choice that for some reason feels like the most right thing ever in your life.
     
  6. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Yup. It's none of your business anymore. Sorry.

    Why do you feel this way? Perhaps jealousy & regret come into play. Both of which you need to let go if you are to move on.
     
  7. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    QFT
    and most karoke DJ make anywhere from around 4-600(tax free) a night, and maintain a day job as well.
     
  8. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Yep.

    It's rough that you fell for each other at different times, but you need to forget it now. Pound it in to your head you can't make it you 2 weren't meant to be. Because I honestly agree with others that your fear stems from jealousy. SOrry for assuming if I'm wrong. This situation could be a lot worse so just move on quick. Kinda seems like she friend zoned you as soon as she started talking about that DJ to you. There's plent more stay strong.
     
  9. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Its like you said, you two were not really anything more than friends with benefits. She had her feelings for you and you werent ready to reciprocate so she didnt wait. Damn rough :( She's moved on and now its time for you to. Just keep your head up and someone else will come along who'll be just as good, if not better, than she.
     
  10. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    Thanks to all that responded. I know she is gone and probably out of my life forever. Timing wasn't right and probably a few other things too. I guess I just needed to hear it from others, and its funny you all had the same responses. Just another one of lifes crazy experiences and I will be fine. I keep a positive attitude and I know I will meet another, better girl some day :)
     
  11. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    you will. just when you think there cant be a better one, there is.
     

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