So.. something is wrong with the way my mind works. I know that I have some sort of problem, I just don't know what it is. The problem is every time I hear a basic description of any disorder, I think to myself "that's the one!". For example: One of my friends is bipolar and was describing one of her manic episodes and I thought to myself "I bet that's what I have, I'm just better at controlling it!" Or today someone posted saying they think their roommate has Asperger's syndrome and I thought "maybe that's it! it's just not as noticeable". I've thought the same about schizophrenia and a slew of other mental disorders before. Here's what I do know about myself: 1. I'm depressed, this I'm certain of. I did go to a psychologist when I was a kid for depression and it helped, a lot. Still I'm pretty much in a constant state of depression. 2. Delusions of grandeur. I think that I am better than everyone else at almost everything. Not only that but I sometimes think I could be pre-ordained for greatness, when that happens I have to stop myself and remind myself that I'm not and try to deal with whatever situation I happen to be mulling over the way a "normal" person would. 3. Mood swings. I tend to go thru periods where EVERYTHING irritates me. It's uncontrollable, almost everything and everyone pisses me off when this happens. I also go thru periods of feeling depressed, or feeling manic like I'm on the top of the world. What is controllable is my reaction to these feelings. I am pretty adept at modifying my external mood/actions/words to make me not seem like a freak every day. 4. I'm obsessed with the end of the world/apocalypse/global cataclysm. Not only am I (in my own mind) certain that such an event WILL happen in my lifetime, I'm certain that I'll actually live thru it. My greatest fear is having to survive a post-apocalyptic hell in which little semblance of civilization exists. 5. I have constant regrets for past mistakes. everything reminds me of some boneheaded blunder I've made previously, which causes me to obsess over something that has already happened and has no bearing on anything that is currently happening. Regret in general just tears me up. It's one of the worst pains I am capable of experiencing. 6. I over rationalize/over technicalize/think too logically about EVERYTHING. Can't help it, it just seems natural. 7. I obsess over anything that I can't fully control. 8. I'm constantly paranoid 9. I manipulate people without trying. It's just so easy, it seems like it takes me 2-3 steps in thought less to figure anything out than it does others, because of this I always know the right things to say to get someone to do what I want. It's like some sort of sick superpower that I have.. So what's wrong w/ me OT? And before anyone says "just go see a doctor" remember I tend to think everything is wrong with me so when the doctor starts in with a certain line of questioning that will lead me to think I'm Bipolar or schizophrenic I'll run with it and manipulate him into thinking he's correct.