SRS I am a horrible monster.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by el_gato_negro, Feb 18, 2005.

  1. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    I almost had friends.

    I've been hanging out with a group of people lately. I thought everything was going fine.

    Then I get an email from one of them suggesting I find other people to hang with. Apparently I've been bumming them out.

    I was hurt...but instead of writing back a rational email asking why, I sent something completely hysterical (not funny, flipping out).

    After a terse apology from the original emailer, communication ceased. I emailed the person who had introduced me to the group, and she basically agreed that finding new people might be good for me. I replied with a disingenuous apology for being Captain Bringdown.

    I'm hurt, but I know I overreacted. I wanted to. I wanted them to crawl and beg forgiveness and plead that I stay with them. They didn't.

    Maybe I just gave them an excuse to stop talking to me. Maybe I just put them off. The worst part is that part of me enjoyed pushing them away.

    I guess vulnerability is a bitch, and always will be. I'm almost 30 and I still react like a child to perceived insults.

    I should apologize, but I don't want to. They wanted me gone. So I'm gone, and for once I didn't try to be the "bigger man". I'm not proud of it, but I did enjoy it on a certain level.

    I'm so afraid and tired of being hurt. I try to be a good guy; I try to be a friend. It feels like people still want nothing to do with me. So I lash out - if I can hurt so can they.

    This is not a good relationship model.
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well 30 or not, no one likes to be told to get lost. Give yourself a break.

    Think on why they wanted you gone. That might be important to future friendships.
     
  3. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Well, I dunno. Apparently I was too quiet.

    It's true; I don't talk constantly...never mind the fact that the conversation was usually dominated by two other people anyway. I was there, I was involved. I guess I just didn't fit.

    The part that's bad is that I burned the bridge with the person who introduced me to the group. I dunno if it was necessary...I was quite pissed.
     
  4. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    wow...those are like the worst people in the world. i mean those specific people. i've never heard of anyone ditching a friend just because they were quiet :ugh:
     
  5. GR3N4DE

    GR3N4DE OG noob.

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    fuck'em.

    who needs friends like that anyway?
     
  6. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Yes, this is all very true. I just got blindsided by it. I was enjoying our little get togethers, but apparently I was the only one. I'm still sorting it out, you know?
     
  7. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out.
     
  8. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    in my humble opinion, friendship is not a discrete continuum, but rather a moving target on a continuous spectrum.

    (sorry I'm taking statistics and probability theory, hence the big words :big grin: )

    at any rate, I too quite often have over emphasized the meaning of friendships, from family, to colleagues, to classmates, to neighbors. At one time or another I have had many of them reveal their true colors, and found myself hurt.

    after much reflection, I have figured out that a significant reason why I got hurt so badly was my own fault. I put too much energy, and effort into some friendships, that in fact weren't. They were friendly acquaintenances.

    That knowledge also hurt - to know that I had been used and then discarded like a spent cigarette.

    I learned a lot in my 35 years, unfortunately many of my life lessons have come in the past 4-5 of those years.

    I have learned for one, that I will continue to give, even after being snubbed, but that I need to be more alert with respect to whom I can count on.

    I have also learned, that if there are those that treat me in that fashion, that I really haven't lost as much as I thought I had - if they are able to act like that, then there wasn't ever really the level of friendship that I had presumed.

    Also not a pleasant thought, but helps bring around the healing process a LOT quicker than to constantly attempt to overanalyze the situation and wonder what I could have done to hold onto those friendships, when in the end, the conclusion is that it wasn't me, it was them.
     
  9. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Well, I know I didn't put too much in. Apparently I didn't put enough into it - or maybe it doesn't matter.

    The part that really stings is the person with whom I was first acquainted (she introduced me to the rest of the group). I thought she really was my friend. Even if it was just getting together occasionally, I enjoyed it.

    Who knows, maybe she just felt sorry for me.... :sad2:
     
  10. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Man this is the one piece of advice I cannot run out of.

    Do not I repeat Do not take life so seriously! Do not flip out ever! Just don't!

    Keep your cool. Stay calm in all situations. Be humble. Be smart. Always be thinking. Try to pick up on what others are thinking. Respond appropriately.

    Go back to the group of people in person. Say sorry I was drunk off my ass and went way too far. They will probally laugh it off or something. Stick with them.

    You aren't a horrible monster. The human brain does some fucked up things. Trust me I know.
     
  11. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Uh, I don't drink and they know that. One of them also said the fact that I didn't drink made her uncomfortable. :hs:

    Did you also notice that this occurred in email?
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Get a life, and get a grip on yourself. Start showing you can be independently living your life without the help of others. Act normal, then you are acting already crazy enough 'is a common saying where i come from'. Work out, and make yourself feel more sure of yourself. Stop forcing things, people have their own wishes, they come and go as they please. Continue investing into relationships, try to get to know by experience, what causes them to get chased away, and what causes them to get closer to you. It's all a matter of try and error.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Sounds to me like you mightve been pretty lonely and were glad for the company. You may not have noticed the basic differences between you and this group due to your situation.

    Whereas they have plenty of company and didn't find you all that compatible. You didn't find out about it immediately cause hey, even a stone cold killer might pause for a second before pulling the trigger.
     
  14. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Please define "normal".

    I can live by myself just fine. I like to get out once in a while if I can.

    I do not like it when people turn on me....should I? Is this part of "normal" human relations? :hsugh:
     
  15. dontheox

    dontheox New Member

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    Look I can't judge you or your former friends, if what I read is true they seemed to self absorbed to be good friends.
    I would not worry about it I have found out in my life that they are far more assholes out there than good people most people would sooner wipe their ass than help someone out.

    I would suggest to get back on the proverbal horse and find better people to hang out with.
    If you really feel sorry for lashing out then apologize and then go on with your life.

    What was making you think you were captain bringme down? Did you constantly tell stories about tragdey in your life? Because being quiet in my book dose not constitute a sad or depressed person.
    Or maybe they were jealous of you some people have to be the center of attention, and if you were confident in your self by being the listener and not then talker it could have been a major mind job for the rest of the group.

    Well I hope I helped out.
     
  16. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    No, I didn't. No one likes to be around a sad sack. :) It's funny you bring that up.

    The chick who sent me the original email got into a lengthy discussion with me the night before. We talked about relationships, our lives growing up etc. We seemed to find a bit of common ground. This made the kiss-off that much more painful.

    Apparently, the fact that I didn't drink bothered her. She felt like she couldn't cut loose around me. I've always said I don't care if other people drink - I'm not an asshat about my decision to not drink.

    We left it at "let's get together some time" and then she tells me I should find another group of friends. I guess she was trying to soften the blow (note: this doesn't work. In fact, it often has the opposite effect).
     
  17. dontheox

    dontheox New Member

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    The group of people you used to hang out with are they all big drinkers?

    Because if they are that could be the core of the problem.

    I had a good friend of my who was younger than me when he got to the age of being a drinker I was on the way out of not being a drinker at all. We grew apart rather quickly.

    People who drink do so to let loose or to have fun when they see other in there group not drink it makes them noticely uncomfortable.

    Its almost as, "He dose not drink can we trust him?"
    Or it could be the fact that since you don't need to drink to have fun and that bothers these people.
    I honestly do not think it had anything to do with you, from what I read so far.
     
  18. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Well, thanks. :)

    When I've gotten some distance from this I intend to email the original "friend". Now is not the time, since the email would most likely be,"WHAT THE FUCK".

    :big grin:
     
  19. dontheox

    dontheox New Member

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    Well if these people were good friends they would have came to you in person and not just emailed you. Or at least talked to you about what there problem was.
     
  20. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Yeah, that's very true. it's just really disappointing. :hs:
     
  21. Mel

    Mel RIP James :(

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    Real friends are few and far between. It's hard to find friends that will like you for who you are, but they are out there, and of course it doesn't make it any easier when the ones you considered friends let you down. I don't know that I have much to say about this... other than there are people out there that will like you for who you are.
     
  22. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    I know it hurts, but not everyone in life is going to like you. No matter what you do, you can't get everyone to like you. You'll meet other people.
     
  23. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Well, that's very true. What hurts is that they initiated this. They invited me...so it seems they liked me...at least at one time. It's having the rug pulled out from underneath you that really hurts.
     
  24. el_gato_negro

    el_gato_negro New Member

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    Yeah, I've been talking to a friend about it. She thinks they're just game players or whatever. I've decided to just let it go. If they want me around again they know where to find me. :)
     
  25. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    Care to post the emails? :hs:
     

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