Hypothetical situation - objective truth

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, May 14, 2009.

?

Read question and explanation below

  1. A) don't tell

    18 vote(s)
    34.6%
  2. B) tell

    32 vote(s)
    61.5%
  3. other (add your opinion in a post)

    2 vote(s)
    3.8%
  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Say two people are in a relationship and it's super awesome and peachy keen and they are fundamentally compatible.

    Say one of the people has a secret about their past that, if they tell the other person, may cause them to get dumped or throw a significant rift into the relationship. But say it's an important thing that they feel their partner should know for the sake of being honest.

    Should they tell?

    Or to phrase the question another way: would you want your S.O. to tell you something that may cause you to dump them, if the other alternative was not knowing and therefore living happily with them happily ever after?

    Possible outcomes and reasons:

    A) they shouldn't tell, because why ruin a good thing? Everything is awesome; no need to ruin that

    B) they should tell, because full disclosure and objective truth are important foundations on which perception of personality and compatibility are built



    Obviously I choose Choice B, because currently the second person does not have complete information and their opinion of the first person is skewed.
     
  2. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Messages:
    124,890
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Kc
    is it something current or is it something that's completely in the past ?
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Completely in the past. Assume whatever it is is a red flag for you.
     
  4. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,333
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Awestralia
    I have on of those sitting on my chest at the moment. I'm trying to decide whether to say it or not so am interested to find out how this goes.

    However, it was also something which I had little control over. And that is the closest I have ever come to saying anything about it.
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    If you're considering not telling your SO, you should consider what the chances are that they will find out. No matter what it is, it's better if they hear it from you than from someone else and you get asked "why didn't you tell me?"

    And you should tell us cuz we're all curious :mamoru:
     
  6. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    :rofl: I love your polls

    I would tell. And I would want my SO to tell me.
     
  7. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2004
    Messages:
    21,360
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    On your jock
    Take that shit to the grave!
     
  8. Ferrari430

    Ferrari430 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2007
    Messages:
    666
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    I wouldn't tell, nor would I want to be told. What I don't know doesn't hurt me and same would go for the SO. Besides, it's in the past. Nothing can be done to change the circumstances that happened back then, so why bother bringing it up now?
     
  9. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,333
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Awestralia
    She might find out but it is unlikely from another person. If something does happen it will because I will suddenly shut down.

    I shouldn't have said anything but was back from a liquid lunch and yeah. Just mentioning it is a big fucking step for me.
     
  10. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2004
    Messages:
    21,360
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    On your jock
    If this ISN'T code, then yes, you should tell her. That's pretty damn important. But then again, only if you are in a long term or committed relationship. If its brand spanking new, its none of her business.
     
  11. Fiasco

    Fiasco New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Messages:
    2,772
    Likes Received:
    0
    Honesty is integral to my relationships. If you feel something is horrible enough that it would end the relationship, you should tell them.

    I do believe in second chances though... depending on the issue I would give them a fair chance to recover from or not repeat whatever the original offense was.
     
  12. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    I voted other.

    Only reason I voted that is cause it depends... It may CHANGE your OPINION on your SO, but reallistically, if its in the past what difference does it make?

    Unless it directly affects your situation with the SO, I would not.
     
  13. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2005
    Messages:
    25,967
    Likes Received:
    0
    i'd rather be honest and not lie
     
  14. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2009
    Messages:
    924
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is really one of those situations where it depends on the secret. If its you use to be a different gender, then yeah should probably tell. If its something like you were in a porn once then yeah probably shouldn't tell that.
     
  15. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2005
    Messages:
    25,967
    Likes Received:
    0
    but what if your SO watches porn more than you do?
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I could only have voted against speaking out, given your hypothetical, which includes information from the future. Namely that choice A leads to a potential break-up and choice B guarantees a life of teh happy. That bliss-unto-death clause is kind of cheating tho, don't u think?
     
  17. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    I dont believe that full disclosure about ones past is a requisite. the experiences and decisions of the past create the person of today, they do not define them.

    im pretty sure my answer would be the same eitherSame either way though. Now if this event is not firmly and entirely in the past from before the relationships started then i think disclosure is important
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2009
  18. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
  19. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    I had to go with tell. I would like to know if my gf has gone on any past "camping trips"
     
  20. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  21. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    6,484
    Likes Received:
    1
    That's the first thing that came to mind for me too! "Are we talking about camping trips here?" :rofl:
     
  22. teep

    teep New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2006
    Messages:
    4,660
    Likes Received:
    0
    this happened to me before. it wasn't a dealbreaker or anything, but something i would've really liked to know. she had an abortion when she was in high school and i think it really messed with her head and how she acted in college
     
  23. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    What is seriously that bad that would cause someone to dump you if they found out?
     
  24. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    I'd dump you if I found out you were a serial rapist at some point in your life :dunno:

    Heavy shit like that, but other than violent crimes, I can't think of anything.
     
  25. teep

    teep New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2006
    Messages:
    4,660
    Likes Received:
    0
    cheating, stds, actually a secret agent :dunno:

    the gagaortion thing threw me off when i first heard it. we were in the middle of dinner. i don't have anything against it, but there's just a stigma attached to it that even i couldn't shake.
     

Share This Page