SRS Husband could work overseas for a year or two without me (anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Feb 26, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My husband has the potential to get his dream job. The problem that we face is that if he does, it means moving overseas. I have told him I am not prepared to follow him overseas as we have young children and there is another issue that prevents one of the children moving. To fix that issue would cost tens of thousands of dollars that we don't have.

    I would appreciate some fresh eyes on this issue.

    I understand that this is a big thing for him and that if he gets the chance and doesn't take it he will resent the reasons why it didn't happen.
    I want to support my husband and I want him to be happy. Taking this job would make him happy.
    If he were to take the job this wouldn't be the end of our marriage.
    He is the breadwinner and I am a housewife.
    If he were to get the job I would bring the children to visit during vacations.

    I don't know if I can cope looking after our children by myself.
    I will miss him alot and that could transfer on to the children. I don't want them to have a depressed mom.
    This would be his fifth job in as many years and the last time he took a job he said he would stay there for at least a few years. It hasn't been a few years yet.
    I don't want to feel that I am being held ransom to what he wants simply because he earns the money.
    I don't want him to resent me and always look at me and see someone who got between him and his dream job.
    I feel that it is all about him and what he wants and not what is best for the family as a whole unit.


    How much should someone be expected to put themselves out to support their spouse? Knowing how hard it would be for me to cope and how much I will want to blame him for it being hard, should I still still support him?
    I want him to be happy and I want him to take this job, but the cons out weigh the pros in my view.

    He will not take the job unless the money will support us here and him there. But if they were to offer enough what questions do we need to ask ourselves and answer honestly?

    We spoke about it the other night but I got upset and I felt like he was being selfish so I wasn't able to talk about it with a clear head.
     
  2. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Why can't the family move with him? Surely he can work that in as part of the deal they pay for moving expenses or something, if this company wants him bad enough they'll do it. Plus it would be an amazing opportunity for your children to live in a foreign country for a few years. I'm assuming health issues are holding you back?
     
  3. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    How old are the children?
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    need more info on the issue that is keeping the kid from moving
     
  5. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    dream job? I'm sorry sometimes your life's responisbilities outweight your "dreams" and by him getting married and havign children he somewhat gave up on that dream. He has a new responsibility now.
     
  6. runawaycamel

    runawaycamel New Member

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    He should not just leave you even if it is a dream job.
    On the other hand, going overseas with him could be a great adventure and learning experience for you and especially your kids. What is this problem that costs so much money? Like someone else said...if that is the only thing holding you back...the company should try to help cover that if they want him bad enough.
     
  7. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    definitely need more info. What country is it? What are the health issues?

    Young kids get moved all the time, and do fine. If it'll allow him to work a job he loves, instead of one he hates, it's worth the sacrifice of moving.

    You said you don't want to be slave to his desires just because he earns the money, which is fair, but why should he be slave to your desire to not move?
     
  8. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    that's bullshit from him to up and leave you and the kids for a "dream job". life doesn't work that way.
     
  9. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I agree he shouldn't leave, but barring any major problems with her and the kids following, they should move with him
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Think about it. If they'd be paying enough to support him living there and her staying home, they'd be paying more than twice what he gets now
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i want more details on the kids issue and why you cant leave with them. i would follow my husband anywhere, even having a job of my own, if he found his dream job. it would be an adventure. do you truly not want to leave and are just placing the blame on the kids issues, or would you go if there were no issues with the kid?
     
  12. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    my job offered me the chance to live in sydney for 2 years. at the time our kids were 1 and 4. my wife started packing before I finished telling her the details.

    barring one of the kids needing a *SPECIFIC* doc or something like that, my wife would have gone in a second (and I would, too, if she got that kind of offer).
     
  13. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    I think everyone is failing to read this part of her post. This is the major issue standing IMO.
     
  14. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    And I think everyone is reading between the lines and guessing that there's more going on, and that she doesn't *want* to go. Read her post carefully and there's a lot of resentment that comes through.
     
  15. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    yes, it is a major issue, but everything can be worked around if its something they really want. i cant imagine a company would seriously move him away from his wife AND children without offering some sort of help or compensation. shit, he could even have help with those bills added into his contract.

    i think she has reservations about going, which is fine, but she is hiding behind medical reasons for the child instead
     
  16. PanasonicYouth

    PanasonicYouth New Member

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    On the one hand, he has responsibilities, and can't just leave you and your child.

    On the other, if he stays, there is bound to be some resentment that he was 'prevented from taking his dream job by his family'.

    A toughie.
     
  17. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    Whats tough about it? His new obligation isn't seeking his dream job when it comes with that big of a ramification. His new obligation is providing for his family and beign a father in which case if it takes him away from them for 2 years and puts that big of a strain on their family then i don't see what the tough decision is.
     
  18. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Well that's the problem Sgt Friday, we don't know what the big ramification is. Without details, we have to go entirely on her evaluation of its impact -- and ultimately it's her call anyway, but she asked for advice and we can't give it to her without knowing the facts.
     
  19. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    yes, your'e right. However, I'm trying to put myself into HIS position. If I had been offered my "dream job", and I had a family with major responsibilities (seemingly this "tens of thousands of dollars") I would fulfill my obligation to my family FIRST before accepting that position. however, I feel that as an NHL coach they'd be able to pay that sum :o
     
  20. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    What tough about it? He would have to stay here and work a job he was miserable at which he would end up bringing home with him everyday in his attitude. On one hand I agree with you family should come first but on the other hand he shouldn't have to work a job he hates just b/c his wife doesn't want to move. There has to be some kind of compromise.
     
  21. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    if he's unhappy with his current position, then he should seek something that makes him happy that wouldn't drag him away from his family for 2 years. Can't have your cake and eat it too. I honestly hope they work it out so he can take the job, transport the family and everyone is happy, but it doesn't seem like that is possible ATM
     
  22. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Depends on what is a priority for him, career or family. I'm single, but I can't see a circumstance where I would ever leave my wife and children behind for any job. Family comes first.
     
  23. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    I am up for hearing what this big issue with the kid is.

    BUT. Yes, he does have a family, but that doesn't mean you have to put yourself aside for other people. I am with Ameter. She should move with him. I don't understand what is so bad about moving, because you were so vague.

    And I would't think that draggin the kids around would be bad for them. I did it, my mother did it. I would have KILLED to grow up in a foreign country. Tha would have been an amazing experience few get to experience.

    Plus. With jobs and the economy as it is, if it is a good job, and has stability, I would take it in a heart beat.
     
  24. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    doubt it. If the other job is paying that much, they could get an advance for it or even get it included in the relocation package
     
  25. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    the family can move with him
     

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