Hurtful, yes, but cruel?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ForgottenSpiral, Oct 8, 2008.

  1. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    So I think most of here have been both the dumpee and the dumper at some point. Personally I have experienced the whole range of abrupt endings to drawn out ones, from staying best friends to cutting off contact completely, from being in love and knowing it just won't work to passionately hating the person and never wanting to see them again.

    In my experience the best way to get over a relationship is to make the cut clean and fast followed by a halt of all communication between parties. It has been said, however, that if the person on the other end is caught off guard by this decision, this approach can be "cruel". So I figured I would pose the question to you all and get your opinions.

    Is ending it quickly and cutting off contact an unnecessarily harsh way to treat someone?
     
  2. amourdoux

    amourdoux New Member

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    yeah, it is. I think the best way is to hint towards a break up and then do it. That way the other person can see it coming and won't think you're that much of a horrible person. I don't think you have to abruptly cut off communication unless the person is threatening. Just gradual. And naturally you'll drift apart and stop talking.
     
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i think its only cruel if if on Monday you talk about getting married and Tuesday you break up and walk away. and even then, i dont think the breaking up and walking away part is cruel, i think the discussions about the future are.

    if you are not happy, you shouldnt "hint" at it, you should state it. being miserable and not stating it is pretty stupid.

    as for cutting off all contact, i dont think its cruel, i think its necessary. it does both parties a favor.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Like vodka just said, it's only "cruel" IMO if you (the dumper) has been building up what the two of you would be, where you would go toegther, etc. etc......only to dump them completely out of the blue. There really are times that one person thinks everything is perfect and that is when the sudden breakup hurts the worst, but I feel as long as there is reasonable conversation and explanation during that actual breakup it's not as bad. What is wrong is to literally say "we are over" and never explain why.
     
  5. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    Both of my relationships have been cut off like that. Building up for the future, then all of a sudden nothing.

    I've only been the dumpee so I don't know both sides.
     
  6. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    Oh. And cruel, I do see it as. With this past relationship I was nervous that one day she would just dump me out of the blue. Then she did. Well not totally out of the blue, I knew she was having problems a few months earlier but never heard about it again until she dumped me.
    I'm going to be a mess next time. :(
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    What if the dumpee thought everything was going well, but the dumper thought it was clear things weren't going well?
     
  8. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    You should have added a poll.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It happens :dunno: Sure it sucks but it's still not "cruel." It's not your fault if the dumpee is oblivious to obvious problems in the relationship. When you breakup you have to explain to them the problems that caused the breakup so they don't continue to be dumbofunded.
     
  10. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i agree, unless the dumper was faking the relationship instead of being honest with their partner.

    I know a few girls who pretend like everything is perfectly fine in their crappy relationships and then are shocked when the guy dumps them cause things were so "perfect" complete denial on their part, and it obviously doesnt help anything

    i actually think its cruel to stay with someone you are not happy with just to avoid hurting them. a fake relationship doesnt do anyone any good
     

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