SRS Huge changes in personality in the last year

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by driftwell, Jun 13, 2005.

  1. driftwell

    driftwell New Member

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    Its been a while since I've posted here, which i'm kinda mad at myself cuz i told myself that I wanted to help people... and this is one of the easiest ways to do so... but today I need other people's help.

    TO make this as short as possible... I'm basically trying to figure things out, get out of this "funk" that I'm in, and head towards my goals.

    I used to be a very social guy, healthy self-esteem (almost cocky even), I'd be described as "that funny guy", I would be the planner (some would say the pack leader)... and I don't mean that in a cocky way... its just that most would call me to find out what the group of friends was going to do for the night yenno...

    I would sing when i'm alone or around others, dance to a beat in my head, always be a comic relief around others, I was always the positive man when things looked down, looked for the "good" in every situation. Things just went really well for me. Life was good.

    And now... it's like I'm the complete opposite. I never have anything funny to say, things just don't seem to go well for me anymore, I'm depressed even when I'm with friends. Hell.. even my friends sometimes look at me and ask if there's anything wrong. I find it somewhat hard to "be happy"... as if it takes a lot of work to be content. I'm no where near as social, I don't go up to girls anymore, I don't talk to any girls... chasing my "goals" in life seem way out of reach that it doesn't feel like its worth it to me anymore...

    Life just feels boring and depressing now...

    THe only thing I can think of at the moment is the fact that my dad's been battling cancer for a year and a half... and recently beat cancer a few weeks ago. During this time (and to this day) I had to take on the "man of the house" role... helping pay for bills and running errands (at the age of 20). Thank God, he no longer has cancer... and I thought that things will change for the better.

    I know this is getting long already so i'll just stop right here... anyone have anything they can offer? I'll take anything
     
  2. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Seems like you had a lot to deal with and something changed inside. Maybe you're dealing with a loss of youth which happens to people when they have to grow up at a young age. Talking to a therapist might help. The other option is to maybe get away from everything you know for a while. Take a trip to somewhere you've always wanted to go for a couple weeks. When stress builds up it wears you down. You don't notice it because its a slow change but it adds up. Having to deal with a sick dad for over 1.5 years isn't easy to deal with and obviously it will change you. Don't think you have to live up to what people expect of you to be the "funny, loveable guy" but just be yourself and be ok with that. Don't try to be someone who you've grown out of, but just learn to accept the new you. The worst thing you can try to do is be a person you've mentally grown out of. The old you didn't have to face the reality of losing your dad to cancer. The new you lives with the fact that life is fragile and you almost lost your dad. See the difference?
     
  3. driftwell

    driftwell New Member

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    whoa... that makes a lot of sense to me...

    the only thing is... i kinda feel "not fun to be around" anymore... and i also feel that with the way i currently am... no one (at least nobody new) would want to be around me.
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Why not? Itemize. Make a list of what it is you don't like about yourself. Then, for every thing you have on that list, make a list of things you're going to do to change it.

    For example, here is a partial list of the things I don't like about myself:
    1. I have no patience for people who are slower than me.
    2. I am derisive to people who can't defend their opinions.
    3. I don't take as good care about my hair as I think I should.
    4. I think I'm not very approachable or friendly.

    Here's the list of what I'm doing to change them:
    1. Patience is a virtue. Just because people aren't as swift doesn't mean they're a detriment to society. I am working on hearing people out, completely, before making any sort of judgement. This is especially important in my line of work (tech support) and I consider this a high priority.
    2. Sometimes people can't verbally justify what they feel is right. I'm learning to ask probing questions to find the root of an opinion instead of immediately writing the person off as an unedjumacated idiot.
    3. Set my alarm earlier so that I have time to use a brush and a blowdryer. Hide my hair elastics so that I'm forced to do something with it instead of taking the easy way out (make a ponytail). Ask my boyfriend to kick me out of bed in the morning instead of cuddling me ;)
    4. I'm making an effort to be friendly with the small things first. Holding doors for people at work, perfecting the art of making small talk, learning how to joke (this took me a LONG time to learn; I'm pretty dry and closed by nature and my jokes aren't very intuitive), being available when people need help or have questions. Also, I'm having people over to my house more often.


    In the end, only you can improve you. It's important to note that you should also be doing it for you and not for your friends or anyone else. You're not the person you were, but you can become the person you want to be. Just don't sell yourself out in the process :) (you're not an entertainer for the sole amusement of your friends!). You may find that your group of friends shifts during this process and that is OK. Keep an open mind.
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    I forgot to add that it is vitally important that you make a list of steps leading up to your goals. This is what makes them attainable. I can set a goal to climb Everest and leave it at that, but my chances of success would be next to nil. However, it would look much easier if I separated that goal into bite-sized chunks:
    1. Hire personal trainer to get in shape
    2. Enroll in rock-climbing classes to learn basics
    3. Get support (monetary or otherwise) from friends, family, colleagues and community
    4. Buy mountaineering equipment
    5. Plan trip to smaller mountain for a "test run"
    6. Arrange for sherpa (or Everest equivalent)
    7. Book time off work.
    8. Book flight and accomodations

    Obviously for a goal that large, the subtasks would be further divided into still-smaller chunks. But you get the idea ;)
     
  6. seven

    seven New Member

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    i would tell you what i would do, but it seems there is a lot of great advice here already, consider it. But just my two cents...There is nothing wrong with what you have become, you a more serious person, and probably a lot more mature now. You’re getting to an age where you are going to have a lot more responsibility now, and thinking about that stuff is depressing. I am sure you will feel your way though this, to where you want yourself to be. :)
     
  7. driftwell

    driftwell New Member

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    teo... thats some good stuff right there where I KNOW if this was last year... i would have told the "friend in need" to do...

    but you know what they say... it's totally different when you're in the ring fighting life's battles... harder to see the angles and possible ways out.

    thanks guys... i think i will do that...
     
  8. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    take small steps. i went through the same thing you did. i was the same type of person as you were. goofy and pretty much the heart of a kid until i was 23 or so. then i had surgery and spent about 4 months in a hospital. during my recovery i had a hard time trying to get back to the "old me." i finally started feeling better when i realized that i didnt have to be the old me to be wanted by others. i hung on to old friends who knew me from before but their lives werent affected like mine since they didnt have to experience what i did. of course since then i've met new friends and they seem to really like the "new me. "

    plus the weird thing is, i started dating thsi girl recently who is pretty much the spirit of teenager living in the body of a 23 year old. super outgoing and giggly. the funny part is im the complete opposite. i'm more laid back and reserved than i used to be, but she finds everything i do these days hysterical and laughes constantly when she's around me. so i guess my point is that you don't need to live up to some image of how you want to present yourself to others to be liked. just focus on being happy with yourself and people will be automatically drawn to you.

    also, it might be a great idea to see a therapist. it doesnt mean you are psycho or have mental problems, but it's really nice to have someone to talk to that can help put things into perspective for you. i saw one for 4 months and it really helped get my life back on track after my surgery. hope this helps.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My advice, be happy because your dad doesn't have cancer, its something you can dance about , and rejoice. :wavey:

    Head back to the life-style you had before this, it clearly is superiour towards what you are doing now.
     

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