How'd you find out?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by spidey255, Jul 13, 2008.

  1. spidey255

    spidey255 New Member

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    This is a thread inspired by the "It sucks being cheated on" thread and the thread where the guy was snooping through his gf's cell phone. My question now is this: how did you find out?

    This is by far the sneakiest thing I've ever done, but I don't regret it one bit. My last girlfriend cheated on me, first with the guitarist of my band after about 11 months. I had a feeling something was going on between them. We both knew the passwords to our emails and other stuff. The one thing I didn't know was her private online journal. So one morning I waited till she got in the shower and I rushed to the computer. I logged into her email, and then went to the journal provider and sent a password request to it. I got the password, deleted the email, logged in to the journal, and read all about it. It was awful. I called her after she got out of the shower and asked her, "So, is there anything going on between you and Bob?"
    She says, "No, why?"
    I continue, "You sure?"
    She says, "Why? Did someone tell you something?"
    I say, "No, no one told me anything."
    She says, "Whoever told you is on my shit list."

    Eventually, of course, she found a way to turn it around to make me feel like it was my fault. But we dated for a few more months 'cause I was a puss. We broke up after 18 months because she was cheating on me with someone else. I learned later on from a friend that she also messed with this guy at a party she went to while we were dating.

    This girl was ridiculously fucked up. The first 9 months, she was on Paxil. She was one of the nicest, sweetest girls I've ever met. After she stopped taking it she became psychotic. No joke. I knew something was going on. I had to do it.
     
  2. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    I'm a firm believer in having a completely open relationship. However, it must be balanced with trust. Do not snoop unless you have a legitimate reason to do so.

    The temptation is ALWAYS there...everyone knows the other's password to one or two things, and it's very possible evidence is left there.
     
  3. spidey255

    spidey255 New Member

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    I had a legitimate reason.
     
  4. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    how did i find out?
    she told me the next day.
     
  5. chakup

    chakup Guest

    tell tell signs- weird texts, getting home late, etc. eventually you put 2 and 2 together and they mess up there stories
     
  6. spidey255

    spidey255 New Member

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    Then they get mad that you were able to add up the evidence and they tell you you're just being paranoid :squint:
     
  7. whamola

    whamola Tonight....you.

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    My friend told me she was fucking her ex, then another told me that on my Bday (when she "couldn't go out b/c her parents wouldn't let her) she was at the movies with her ex.

    Mind you, this was in high school...but it still sucked.
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I don't think what you did was necessarily wrong since it lead you to discover objective truth.

    It's funny, what you did was kind of morally wrong, but its results were beneficial to you.

    Finding out that you're being cheated on > checking your SO's email.
     
  9. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    First I look for signs or just "negative" changes. For example... When she got a text I would ask her "what was that about". In the beginning of the relationship she would tell me, when things got weird she would just say "No One" or just change the subject. Another thing was decrease in the number of times we had sex in a week and the fact they were followed by a very poor excuse why she did not want to have sex.

    In the end the way I found out was I just flat out asked her. I had a very strong feeling who the guy might be and when I did ask her she could not give me a straight answer right away (Long hesitation and then she tried to spin it so I was the bad guy). Within that moment I could tell so I dumped her ass.

    Getting over the pain just took time. After about 6 months I was able to date a girl for more then just sex. I find the BIG PROBLEM is being able to have trust in general with women. Most of the time I am fine, but there are just some days where I am so paranoid about it.
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    girls do that when they're guilty and don't want to admit it. my ex did that a lot.

    .

    my most recent ex is the only one who ever did anything shady and sometimes i do get paranoid w my current gf as a result :hs:
     
  11. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    ha, is her name niki? Same story, paxil and all haha. sucks though man.
     
  12. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    :werd:


    I also think its a matter of if my GF tells me what she is doing, I am okay with it. I just don't like the "Oh I am meeting someone for coffee". Then I start to question who is this person, etc...

    It throws red flags for me in the past when my GF at the time would say "Oh I am going to meet <person's name> for lunch" vs "Oh I am just meeting a friend".
     
  13. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    :dunno: :wtc:
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Now that's a healthy relationship....
     
  15. sapient

    sapient New Member

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    I had suspected my last girlfriend was up to something; she had stopped calling me as much and stopped coming over as much. Because it had been a few days since I had seen her, I thought it'd be sweet to surprise her at work and say hi. I texted her, she confirmed she was still there, so I drove over to her restaurant. The hostess said she left hours ago. Wtf? I decided not to bring it up, but of course I was pretty suspicious.

    Next day, exact same thing except she claimed to be at home. She wasn't.

    Two days later, my roommate comes home and tells me we need to talk, and it's going to suck. Evidently, he went to a party the night before, and was talking to someone that happened to work with my girlfriend. My roommate mentioned that he lived with her boyfriend, and the coworker of her asks him, "oh, you live with Mike? I didn't know he had a roommate." My name isn't Mike. My roommate corrected him, and the guy said oh no, she's definitely been dating Mike for at least two weeks, and they've been hanging out all the time and she's all over him at work.

    I threw all her stuff in the front lawn, in a garbage bag, in the rain, and told her to come get her garbage. Told her to delete my number, and if she ever entertained the thought of calling me, to forget about it.

    I heard that she cheated on Mike after a few months, dated the guy she cheated on him with, and then cheated on this guy as well. She's pretty strong evidence for once a cheater, always a cheater, lol. Oh well, she bought me a really nice hookah for my birthday a month before all this, so it wasn't all for nothing.
     
  16. spidey255

    spidey255 New Member

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    Her sister was Nikki. This was Monica. Before that I never had the desire to read her journal. Most girls have journals that they never let anyone read, and I could respect that. This was a situation that I was 99% sure of, and I just needed substantial evidence and I knew where to find it. She violated my trust, so I violated her privacy. It was obvious when I called her that she could've very easily lied to me about it.

    She's a cunt. She cheated on the next boyfriend (one of the three guys she cheated on me with) she had, too. Someone actually messaged him on myspace telling him about it. She thought it was me. We met up at a park once to talk and she was all like, "I understand if you did it. I won't be mad at you," but I honestly didn't do it. Then she asked me if I wanted to try again. I told her no. They broke up and she started dating the other guy she cheated on me with.
     
  17. spidey255

    spidey255 New Member

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    It takes a lot of time. My last two girlfriends cheated on me, plus my dad has been having an affair for almost 8 years. When your trust is constantly being violated like that it's really really hard to trust again. I was kind of dating this girl, and she would do all these shady things and when I'd confront her about it she'd say I'm just being paranoid. Well, things escalated and now we pretty much hate each other. I can't say for sure she was doing anything wrong, but it felt like it. When people fuck you over so much it screws with the way you think. And the whole time you're thinking that the way you're thinking is logical and things add up, but everyone, not just the girl, just tells you you're being paranoid. It's weird when all you're doing is adding up what seems to be clear cut evidence and people still tell you you're wrong. It's like if you write down on a piece of paper 2+2=4 and everyone tells you it's wrong. It's confusing as shit because you can't understand what's going on.
     
  18. sapient

    sapient New Member

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    I read this and the first thing that came to mind was the Mortal Kombat announcer's voice saying "Flawless Victory!"
     
  19. spidey255

    spidey255 New Member

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    lol. I had prepared myself for the question. She had asked me plenty of times before to meet up, to have lunch, and stuff like that. We did meet up one or two times before that, just to talk. I knew she was going to ask, just didn't know when. Before saying it, I paused for about a second and said no. It felt really really good. It's kind of like when you've been hooked on something for a long time, and finally you're off of it...but then it comes rolling around again for one last chance and you're so tempted to do it, but you deny it instead. It really is a great, victorious feeling.
     
  20. Martinj

    Martinj New Member

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    Moving on, dont care about it. And can I trust again? Yep, no problem. Worse things happen in life. I am lucky to have what I got. Now in HK enjoying life with my girl who I think is the one. A loving family in Sweden who I call and talk with and will see soon in couple weeks and see my best friend too soon.
     
  21. Vanilla Tarantino

    Vanilla Tarantino OT Supporter

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    My ex went out with a guy that I knew was trying to get her to cheat on me. I told her numerous times how much I hated him but that I wasn't going to say who she could or could not hang out with, but that she better be damn we certain that he wasn't going to try anything - based on how he had talked about me when she brought up that I didn't like him (nice of her to do...), I doubted he would. Plus, since she didn't bring me up when they first met (they talked for about 30 minutes after work around 4 months into our relationship) I didn't fully trust her with him.
    One night they went out to dinner, and he bought her dinner and wine (both of which I had told her were comletely off limits because it then constitues a date). They kissed when he dropped her off at her place (she always insisted that this didn't constitute cheating since she didn't sleep with him :rolleyes: ). She says she then got scared, got out of the car and said, "I have to go." I don't fully believe this since he called her the next day. But, as for how I found out - I just knew. I have no idea how to describe it, but I just knew. Something was different in how she was acting when I went over that night. I brought it up, and she said nothing happened. She then went out of town for the weekend, so we didn't talk much, but I still knew - she was acting differently, albeit ever so slightly. When she got back on Sunday night, I grilled her again and finally got out that she had kissed him. I then sent her trash can across the kitchen :o
     
  22. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    When I found out for certain? My Mom saw her Mom out somewhere and she was telling my Mom how she (my ex) was dating a girl (lols).

    I absolutely knew beforehand and even when we broke up I asked her to come clean but she never would so I eventually found out through the grapevine.

    As far as trusting someone again, Idk...that relationship was so dead for so long beforehand I almost was apathetic to it when I finally knew my suspicions were correct. I guess it makes me more wary but I try to not let it affect my actions/feelings with the new girl I'm seeing.
     
  23. less_than_adam

    less_than_adam New Member

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    haha sounds crazy but it is so true. I trusted my gf 100% and knew she wasn't the type to cheat. :rofl: (obviously wrong) Anywho, one day it was like a light bulb went off above my head. She was acting slightly differently but nothing really that pointed to cheating. I snooped in her phone account and found she was using 100's of minutes a day talking to someone. (we were on a family share plan so it wasn't really snooping). Too bad it took her a long time to finally admitt to cheating.
     
  24. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    My ex lived with me and anoher person. After he and I broke up, he moved out and one night we had a talk about the break up and the relationship. She asked if we broke up because he'd slept with someone else. I was heart broken.
     
  25. spidey255

    spidey255 New Member

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    Actually just found out she cheated on me with this girl we knew. That makes 4.
     

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