SRS how you look is the most important thing in the universe and its fucking with me

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Rellik, Feb 15, 2010.

  1. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    its randomly assigned, like your nationality. you really have little control over it, even if you live in the gym and have a body like a Greek god, you'll never get as much credit as a guy with noodle arms but a handsome face.

    and then, as you grow up, you realize that appearance completely dominates every single interaction, doesn't matter what gender you are. Good looking people are considered to be funnier, more confident, more trustworthy, and so on - just because they're good looking. Its hard wired into us.

    and the worst punishment of all - whether you're ugly or beautiful, you still want the same things. Nobody wants to be stuck with an ugly SO, be seen with bad-looking people, or sit through a movie with ugly actors.

    in the end, no matter how people pretend, its always the elephant in the living room. You can be having a conversation with a good looking person, and if theres a big discrepancy in appearance between you two, they are going to feel superior. Sure, they can be perfectly pleasant, but in the back of their mind they're thinking "Listen buddy, I'm hot and you're not, and that means I'm always going to be a better person than you." And likewise, the ugly one will be the same way to someone that got fucked over even more than they did. We're all the same way, and it's all fucked...
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I look at it this way..........you can either celebrate or despise the accident of your birth, but there's nothing you can do to change it. all you can change is what you do from then on. and IMO, too many people dwell on the shitty hand they were dealt rather than on what they could be doing to change their situation.

    cliffs: you seem surprised that it's easier to bitch about a crappy life than work to change it



    The fact that you believe that says a lot about you, and what it says is not flattering.
     
  3. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    So how exactly do you know what is in the back of someone's mind?
     
  4. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    I had a nice reply written up about how your views on everything is looks is completely wrong and you should really change it then I hit backspace and....

    So essentially, on average, if you were to do a standard distribution of looks, it would be a bell curve just like everything else.

    For instance, IQ:
    [​IMG]

    And for the most part, people dont notice huge IQ differences and one can do a little work to make them seem smarter than they actually are.

    You need to get yourself out of this rut because you're being superficial.
     
  5. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    yeah of course, this is a vent, there aren't any solutions

    and what i believe doesn't matter, its the truth. People can act nice or say its the inside that counts - well, actually no one even says that anymore - but we're all the same.
    The other day I ran into a beautiful colleague of mine. I try to chat, say how have you been and so forth, but her body language and tone of voice make it clear that she'd rather continue with her shopping. Basically she's communicating to me that I'm overstepping my social role, that in class or work someone like her can be tolerant of me but she is most definitely not compelled to waste any of her private time on me.
    If I was a good looking guy, I would just flash a smile, and the interaction would look like day vs night.

    Likewise with friends, listen to what they say or how they behave after a conversation with an ugly vs pretty person. I can only assume people say the same things behind my back

    Likewise with me - no matter how visceral my understanding of these dynamics is, I know that I don't like being around ugly people, and that I can't help but give good looking people more credit than they probably deserve.

    Go to a clothing store in a mall or something, and watch for a good looking guy to walk in, for example. If there's both ugly and pretty girls working there, unless they are really scrapping for commissions the chances are that the ugly girl is going to sit back while the pretty one goes up and asks 'how can i help you'. It's because the good looking guy is going to perceive himself to be of higher value, and if an uggo starts trying to sell him something, he might perceive it as a violation of those social rules, get offended, and make the situation awkward for everyone involved.
     
  6. TopDawg

    TopDawg New Member

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    I am not saying that people can completely overlook our appearance, but if you act like a ugly duckling it makes you even harder to be with. You can complain about how unfair our social propensities are, but that's not going to help one bit how you can have a better life.

    Sure, the looks of a person is the first thing that catch my attention, but when keeps me around is their personality. Sounds cliche, but it is very true. A beautiful person feels beautiful, and act beautiful, and becomesbeautiful. If you feel ugly and act ugly, you are going to stay ugly to people.
     
  7. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    good news is most people can bump up a few points on the look scale by being in shape and dressing smartly

    top that off with a friendly outgoing personality and you probably get bumped up another point or 2 on the looks scale
     
  8. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :rofl: so you're ugly and got ignored by a babe and you come to the conclusion that everyone is superficial and the world revolves around looks?

    maybe she was communicating that she wasn't at work and didn't want to waste her time talking to someone who's not a friend.


    or, OR, OR!!!
    since YOU'RE superficial, everyone else must be?
     
  9. Maximillion

    Maximillion New Member

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    I think you can't really dispute the importance of physical appearance especially as far as romantic relationships are concerned but it's certainly not "the most important thing in the universe"....
     
  10. Sooka

    Sooka New Member

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    If you're socially skilled then looks are absolutely nothing.

    I know some extremely ugly and obese guys who've had plenty of hot girlfriends and usually it's because they know how to dress, they're good at talking to women, and they're socially skilled in general.

    I've also known girls so fat I didn't think it was even technically possible to have intercourse wit them. Most of them had big black macho man boyfriends who were built and better looking than the average guy. I knew this girl whose face looked like someone took the kid from the movie Mask and took a blowtorch to his face, it was that bad. Yet her boyfriend was a black belt martial arts teacher who had his own dojo, he was also built and black.

    When it comes down to it looks don't mean anything. I've even known a few "pretty boys" who were still virgins in their mid-20's and just couldn't understand it but I think they might have just been gay.
     
  11. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Women and men think completely differently, obviously. Just because good looks top the priority list for us men, women are not the same.

    Every once in a while I'll doubt myself and say "She is way too good looking for me," but then I remind myself of the 1,000 different instances where I have seen extremely hot women with average looking boyfriends. Or I think of my good friend Chris who is 5'7", 140lbs with red hair, but is extremely confident and has an attitude all the time and can pull some of the hottest girls I've ever seen.
     
  12. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    You really need a shrink.
    What is it called... cognitive therapy?

    Where the shrink works on you changing your bad references to yourself.
     
  13. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    bullshit
    about the gender differences too
    i think, especially nowadays, its even better to be a good looking guy than to be a beautiful girl, because as a guy you get to take your pick and girls tend to love competing over someone of quality while dudes often settle - all BS exceptions aside. The way girls make their intentions so obvious, how they go absolutely brain-dead, when talking to a hunky guy is infuriating to me.

    [​IMG]
     
  14. The Great Deceiver

    The Great Deceiver 21st Century Schizoid Man

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    There comes a point in life where you must start becoming a bodybuilder. Lift big, eat big, sleep big. Supplements: Creatine, Whey, Casein at night

    Also see: Haircuts, grooming, dressing nicely, and become successful at what you do\hobby, good personality


    I'm 100% serious. These are all factors that will increase your perceived social value, and will make genetic effect take a smaller piece of the pie chart
     
  15. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :rofl:

    "what's wrong with women" summed up in 8 neat little boxes.
     
  16. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    believe me, im trying with the bodybuilding thing, minus the creatine.. . really slow gainer though, if i have a bad day i lift less than i could 1 year ago... sigh, anyway, this isn't a fitness and nutrition thread but..

    i guarantee you, that a tall guy with a good looking face dressed like horse shit - sweat pants and hoody, is going to win more attraction from people than a totally jacked ugly guy. In fact, because of how we skew things, a good looking guy will get points for being "casual", while the uglier guy trying to show off his muscles will be looked at as being "try-hard". true story.
     
  17. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I'm trying to figure out the reason for this thread, because it's really coming off like "I got diss'ed by a hot chick from work, so I'm pissed she's not interested in me and it has to be because of my looks!"

    Have you considered, maybe it's the attitude that led you to that conclusion that's the reason she might not be interested in you?
     
  18. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    its not because of the hot chick, this has been on my mind for a very long time

    besides, it would be like saying that after I lost a boxing fight to an opponent 50 pounds heavier than me, I should consider that maybe it's the attitude that led me to that conclusion

    i wrote so much in this thread, just to show why i think there is no winning attitude that will change the fact that we all generally love good looking people more regardless of their personality, and we generally think that ugly people are lower than dog shit.
     
  19. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    You could have the body of Vin Diesel and still not get much ass because of your shitty ass attitude.

    And it won't ever get better for you because you are dead-set in your beliefs and obviously aren't open to the idea that maybe you're just completely wrong. You just seem like some guy who is angry at all women in general. It's so hard to believe that you're having trouble with women now.
     
  20. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    Why do all guys think that women want bodybuilder types? That is so not true!!! I've dated guys of all shapes and sizes, and honestly, the guys who were all bulked up and in the gym constantly really did less for me chemistry-wise than the average built guys who were just healthy looking and had great personalities. I love a man who can carry on a witty conversation, has self-confidence, knows how to laugh, isn't afraid to try new things, and has a nice sense of adventure.

    You don't have to have a 'Brad Pitt' face or a cut body to get a woman. What you do have to have is a good sense of 'self' and a nice comfort level when talking to me. If you don't like yourself then it comes through in the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, your whole being! And being a cocky asshole is not attractive either, at least not to anyone other than immature women who think that your being cocky must mean that you are more than what you really are. Once the sheen fades, then those little girls go on to the next rooster crowing the loudest.

    Basically, attitude and personality are everything. And if you don't have that, then that's what you need to concentrate on improving.
     
  21. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    :hsugh:
     
  22. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    What someone considers ugly or attractive is not based on what you think.
    Some people think I am ugly, some people think I am attractive, some people think I am meh.

    You see a couple, one hot one not. Who is to say they don't consider each other hot?

    I am not stuck with an ugly SO at all, but I know no one is knocking down his door to take him away from him.
     
  23. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    how you look is a constantly changing, and very "social" thing

    how can you doubt your ability to work on yourself when you see transvestites who put so much effort (some of which get results) and body builders who create extreme changes in themselves just because "they want to"?

    stop bitchin' and start itchin' my friend.
     
  24. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Some people are superficial. That's just the way it is. Deal with it, and be glad you're not like them.
     
  25. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    how can i be completely wrong if my beliefs are constantly reinforced by what I see when i go out?

    good looking guy + less good looking guy go up to ugly girl and pretty girl, the expectation is that the beautiful people talk while the less good looking guy keeps the ugly girl busy.
    if it was reversed and the handsome guy is interacting with the ugly girl instead, this is what happens
    1. the ugly girl would feel embarrassed speaking to the good looking guy because he is her social superior, and because he would probably be communicating his disinterest in her
    2. the ugly girl would feel uncomfortable because of her friends discomfort with the situation
    3. the ugly girl, who u would expect to be thrilled with her fortune, would be the one to address whats on everyones mind and either end the interaction or do a switcheroo because the needs of the attractive people of the group take precedence over everyone elses.

    this is regardless of personality, regardless of attitude

    another example

    I'm at a bar/club. I see a group of 3 girls at a table. I go up to them and start a conversation. Guess what they do within a few moments? They motion to where my good looking friend is sitting by himself and say "Why don't you bring your friend over here"

    This is a guy who doesn't talk much. When he does speak, he never says anything interesting or engaging, always boring shit, and actually spends most of the time looking around, and acting disinterested in the whole situation or staring blankly into space.

    You think that matters? No! These 3 girls would rather politely blow me off and ask my friend stupid questions (despite a huge language barrier). What a fucking joke :rofl:

    But no, I'm hallucinating the whole thing, and it's actually a deep-seated problem with my "attitude".
     

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