How would your girl react to this?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by dukedevil0, Apr 9, 2008.

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How would your girlfriend react?

  1. She'd probably threaten to break up with me.

    9 vote(s)
    6.9%
  2. She'd be upset, but we'd get over it after a short time.

    49 vote(s)
    37.7%
  3. She'd say go and be supportive of your choice.

    72 vote(s)
    55.4%
  1. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    My girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months. I'm a pretty big soccer fan and she has taken up more of an interest in the sport since we've been together. We generally go to a local bar to eat breakfast and watch the English games in the morning on the weekends.

    A good friend of mine invited me to fly out to Philly and stay with him at his sister's place and drive up to NYC and watch the US-Argentina soccer match. I said that my girlfriend would very much like to go and he replied that he didn't want it to be a third wheel situation. I completely understood his perspective because I wouldn't want to be the third wheel either.

    I told my girlfriend the situation and that I really wanted to go, despite her not being invited. We argued all morning about it and she is convinced that by me going I am screwing her over. She's pretty much given me an ultimatum by saying that she can't imagine being with a boyfriend that would do this to her. "You're crushing my heart".

    How would your girlfriend react if you did something without her that she also really wanted to do?
     
  2. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    If she's not invited then she's not invited.... I know my girlfriend would likely be put off by not being invited, but by no means would she prohibit my going and by no means we should deliver an ultimatum of any sort or be on my case about it....... Sounds like your girlfriend is a bit selfish/immature, perhaps insecure.
     
  3. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    She is very insecure and hates being left out of anything. She feels that by me going, I would be standing by my friend's decision not to invite her.

    I just keep wondering if I'm also being selfish by still planning on going to this without her.
     
  4. teep

    teep New Member

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    my girlfriend and i used to have the same problems. At first I would take it personally and the wrong way when she would just want have "girls night" and vice versa. It took a lot of arguments and fights before we both learned how ridiculous we were being. She just has to learn to be ok with you having a social life that doesn't necessarily involve her. That kind of thing just takes time. If you do it enough it will become normal.

    Edit: You should explain to her that it's different when it's just guys. You talk about different things when your SO isn't around. It's the same with girls. I know that if I'm around during "girls nights", my SO's friends wouldn't be able to tell her everything they wanted to or confide in her because I was there. Let her know that it's not about you not wanting her there or rejecting her. It's you being a good friend, which any rational person should understand.
     
  5. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i would be sad i wasnt invited if it was something i would enjoy doing, but i would also understand that its more of a guys thing, and girls just are not invited. i would be supportive and would feel horirble if he stayed home with me instead of doing something he loves

    plus, you even attempted to include her on this, so its not like you said "im leaving, i dont want you there"

    she needs to get over this
     
  6. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    hell no! shes being selfish by trying to stop you from going
     
  7. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    Bitch slap that hoe and let her know whats up. Its a guys only deal... im sure she does girls night out BS... you dont get all asshurt when she does that... put it in her ass and tell her to get over herself
     
  8. rogueslg71

    rogueslg71 New Member

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    did you tell her about the third wheel situation? since it is your friend who invited you she should understand that he doesnt wanna feel awkward or left out of his own event.
     
  9. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    Have you cheated on her b4 or something to make her not trust?
     
  10. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    A healthy relationship is one in which lovers allow for and respect each others personal time and space; it is absolutely imperative to do things together and likewise to do things separately... if you can not go about enjoying certain aspects of your life (friends, hobbies) separately as well; then you are headed down a path of failure.

    This is required, to breath and gain perspective about yourself and your partner, it is very important. If you are around something or someone constantly then you will not only lose interest, but also begin to lose sight of it. We as human beings require to stand outside of something to see it and to behold it and enjoy it. Thus maintaining positive distance and key times in a relationship is important.

    You need to explain this to her, and hope she understands... Don't use the words I've used, just tell her you really wish to go and you're sorry she wasn't invited, but you feel it's not polite to see if you could come... Besides it is you're friend, inviting you to a personal meeting.

    Good luck.
     
  11. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    You're girlfriend is being a bitch. Sure it sucks for her that she wasn't invited, but just because you can't do it together is no reason YOU shouldn't be allowed to do it.

    Since she gave you the ultimatum I would just give her one right back. Tell her you are going, it doesn't mean you don't care about her but if this is how she is going to act then she either needs to suck it up and realize it has nothing to do with how much you care about her or leave.

    Ultimatums are retarded, but if she used one I would use one right back.
     
  12. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    To give a female perspective (don't take it as an 'all girls think' because this is just my personal take) if i were in her shoes, in all honesty i'd be hurt by it -I'd know it would be silly, I'd be totally aware of the logic there, I'd even appreciate that you need quality time with your friends. I'd never deny your going but i'd feel so neglected if it was something i really wanted to do.

    Over the years I've been one of those girlfriends left behind, a lot, but the want to share experiences with the man I love never goes away. The more you do individually from a partner the easier it becomes to be comfortable with, in the end she does need to accept you will do things without her.
     
  13. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    Ladybug that was well put... and in the end she does need to accept it. if she cant then you should get rid of her because she is too dependent.
     
  14. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Dude - if your girlfriend won't let you have a life of your own, it might be something to reconsider. I understand woman are needy (not all, but yours sounds like a grade A clinger), however, you need to have some of your own time as well.

    Your friend invited you to an event, not her. You shouldn't have to tell him you can't go because your girlfriend won't let you. Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?

    I'd sit down with your girlfriend and tell her this situation has brought up some red flags that need to be discussed immediately if you guys plan to have a future together. Have some backbone, man, do what you want to do.

    Your girlfriend might not always be happy or agree with your decisions, but it's her duty as a girlfriend to support them 100% (same goes for you). That's what being in a relationship is all about.. if you don't have eachothers support, aside from sex, what do you really have?



    Man up.
     
  15. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    nope. she's told me that her last serious boyfriend went home and never invited her along though and she didn't feel like a part of his life. i think that's where a lot of her issues in situations like this have come from.
     
  16. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    thats my first question. Second, just because she is your girlfriend doesnt give her the right to have to be by your side 100% of the time. Do your own thing, tell her to do her and when you can, do those things together. But going to stay with a friend for a soccer game as kind of a "guy" thing, is not something she should have a 2nd thought about. She should be happy you got the opportunity to go
     
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I completely understand about her being bummed about not getting to go to a cool thing that she would really enjoy....but "crushing my heart"?

    Bitch, please. You don't have to do EVERYTHING with her, you both need to still have your own lives.

    I would say go, and wait and see what she does/says when you get back. hopefully she'll realize what an idiot she sounds like, and apologize for her ultimatum.

    If she does keep this crap up....update us, and we'll give advice then.
     
  18. paralizer

    paralizer You got it dude! OT Supporter

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    This is not the main forum.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 9, 2008
  19. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    :werd:

    and for me, i would be upset at first, but only because i was being left out of something that i want to do, simply because i'm the girlfriend. i wouldn't think twice if my bf wanted to do something w/o me that i wasn't even interested in doing. but i would respect the friend's wishes, and i wouldn't want to hold my bf back from doing something fun. so, though i would be bummed, i would get over it.
     
  20. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Exactly.

    OP: Did you reiterate the fact that 1) you asked your friend if she could go 2) its a GUYS THING, doesnt she have a friend she can hang out with that weekend? and 3) its not really that she's "not invited" b/c I'm sure that if your friend had a gf or something and she were going, the 3rd wheel thing wouldnt be an issue, he'd be fine with her going. **Note: Dont bring up that last part unless you want her to start trying to find your friend a date just so she can go.
     
  21. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    SO is racing right now and watching him possibly kill himself/be killed by driver is not on my 'to do' list. He has my support and love, and if he asked me I'd be there too, but I'm not invited ...which is just as well as i can't hack the stress. Missing him like crazy though.

    Ex-fiance went to new zeland without me, i was bummed, really bummed. The only thing standing in the way of my going was that he didn't want me there and that really hurt.

    Maybe OP's gf isn't getting that he does want her to be there but doesn't want to make his friend uncomfortable? If they were arguing a lot about it maybe things started getting lost in translation.
     
  22. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    1) yes she knows, but she wants me to FIGHT for her to go. She doesn't think I tried hard enough, which I don't think more than asking would be necessary or respectful to my friend.

    2) She and her friends don't have a lot of the same interests now that they have grown older. She's upset because she won't have someone to do something like this with besides me. I know she needs to make some new friends.

    3) Right, it's not as if a group of people are going and she's being intentionally left out because they don't want her to come. It's a guys/two friends shindig, but she doesn't seem to grasp that.
     
  23. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    omg, i would end it :eek3: that would just be cruel of him, especially because he knows i REALLY want to go to new zealand.
     
  24. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i think you are in the right here :hs:
     
  25. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Thats what I'm thinking too. Sometimes its hard to separate "I cant go" from "He doesnt want me there" b/c in a girls mind (I know, I've done this) its like "If he really really wanted me there he'd find any way for me to be able to go, and if it wasnt possible he wouldnt go either b/c he loves me, wouldnt want to see me hurt/alone, and wouldnt have a good time w/o me anyway" - all of which, is complete horse shit. Its hard to see that its crap when you're the one thinking it, but she's got to recognize that. You've got to get accross is that while its ok that she feels this way she's got to understand somehow that this is not reality.
     

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