How would you define Masculinity?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by SolidRanger, Feb 6, 2010.

  1. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey guys. I'm working on stopping being a pussy and stop acting like a victim with things. I've been reading the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, and one of the things it suggests is to embrace your masculinity, but it's a little unclear to me what it means.

    What is masculinity? One of things I tried in an attempt of embracing my masculinity I stopped shaving and started growing a beard. I actually really like having a beard, but I always keep it shaved because I don't think women like it. It seems to me like doing what I want is better, even if it turns women off.

    Any other suggestions on how to embrace masculinity?
     
  2. idesofmarch

    idesofmarch New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2005
    Messages:
    8,929
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    1.stand up and grab your dick
    2.walk around
    3.???
    4. profit
     
  3. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Messages:
    27,527
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lexington, KY
    Pics of you with and without a beard? 99.9% of the time beards are really nasty.
     
  4. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
  5. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2006
    Messages:
    7,414
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jacksonville, FL
    True masculinity comes out when you are confident and embrace who you are. Yes, that includes doing things without giving a shit what other people think (to a limit, of course). But you can't grow a beard and magically be masculine
     
  6. Lock Jaw

    Lock Jaw Custom Title OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2005
    Messages:
    4,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London Ontario
    it's true...

    real men grow mustaches.
     
  7. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    But that's a matter of opinion. I'm starting to feel that I'm cheating myself if I do things only to try and please other people. It's a no win scenario. Besides, I know several guys with beards and they seem to have no problem with the ladies, so they apparently don't think it's gross.
     
  8. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    I never meant to imply that it did. I just see this as sort of a small first step to learning to please myself and not give a shit what other people think and was looking for other areas I should take a look at.
     
  9. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Messages:
    27,527
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lexington, KY
    It's because they can prob pull off a beard and look good. There are some people that can. Thehandofchaos has a beard I believe and he looks really good with it. Some people can, majority can't.

    You could end up looking like this
    [​IMG]
     
  10. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2006
    Messages:
    7,414
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jacksonville, FL
    You are very right there.
     
  11. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thankfully I can actually grow a full thick beard, not a nasty one like that. If my beard looked like that I wouldn't grow one.
     
  12. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Watch Jersey Shore reruns.

    Be like those dudes.

    RAWR!












    Oh wait, I thought you said machismo :mamoru:

    I think a lot of guys going for masculinity end up in the realm of machismo.
     
  14. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Go build something with power tools. That's masculinity. :noes:
     
  15. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2008
    Messages:
    872
    Likes Received:
    0
    25 Skills Every Man Should Know
    http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/upgrade/4223337.html

    Did you grow up without a dad or had a shitty dad or something? What's wrong with emulating your father? That's how most normal guys learn about becoming a man.

    Actually...screw that. The greatest generation were our grandparent's generation. They were the guys that survived two world wars, the Great Depression, and raised six kids on like 50 bucks a year. Let's be like them.

    Gran Torino is a great movie about learning how to be man.
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I dunno exactly... but I do know it's not the key to success with women.

    Masculinity to me is something descriptive, not prescriptive. That means it's the set of traits that are particular to actual, real-life males; it's not an ideal or goal, but rather, a reference to What Is.

    "What is masculinity?" = "What traits are particular to males?"
    - being goal-oriented in a tunnel-visioned way
    - being aggressive
    - being loud
    - being large
    - being hairy
    - being tall
    - being strong
    - being direct
    - being confrontational

    I think the above list describes traits that are vastly more common in men, or are vastly greater in men, than in women.

    I don't think these traits are necessarily good or bad, but they are linked to gender - whether because of biology or upbringing.
     
  17. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    My father was a drunk, self-centered, chronically-late, almost hoarder who, while leaving under the same roof as me, was never really around in any significant capacity. He would pressure me to play sports, and get straight A's yet never went to a single game I played in, never looked at my report cards, never did anything with me really.

    I was pretty much raised by my mother.
     
  18. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2008
    Messages:
    872
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, it's never too late to learn. Have you ever had any male role models in your life? Like a grizzled old grandpa or a cool uncle? If not, you could always pick a few people from history whom you admire, do some research, and try to model your life after theirs. Part of becoming a man is finding solutions to problems and learning how to make do with limited resources. There's nothing manlier than pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps.

    Also, I don't want to insult you or your mother, but if I were you I would put some thought into your relationship with her. Primary caregivers can also be the primary source of abuse. Was she ever emotionally abusive? Manipulative? Did she ever put you down? If no, then congrats on having a great mom. If yes, maybe this is why you have low self-esteem.

    I only brought up that last point because you described yourself as a "pussy" and mentioned being raised mainly by your mom. Guys with bad relationships with their mothers can turn out having some serious self-esteem and misogynistic issues.
     
  19. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't really have much of any male role models. I sort of look up to my older brother who's 10 years older than me, but he's alot like me really, just not quite as bad. As far as people from history that I admire, a few come to mind: Teddy Roosevelt, Steve McQueen, Henry Rollins, Sean Connery, etc

    Part of me trying to improve myself has been examing my relationship with my mother. She isn't outright abusive or anything and she's pretty cool most of the time. But she has done alot of stuff like bashing my gender. If I was ever bullheaded or did something she didn't like she always joked that I suffered from "Y-chromosome disease" and would tell me I'm just like my father (not a compliment).

    Overall I think my relationship with my mother is good, but that she wasn't a good teacher or anything. She basically taught me that if I wanted a girlfriend I basically had the worship the ground she walked on, and that's what I did with girls I liked up until I was about 18 or so. I do have self-esteem issues, and I have developed some misogynistic attitudes that I think are the result of resentment from my lack of success with women and as a sort of rebelling against my mother's constant man-bashing.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
  21. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    john wayne
     
  22. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    :bowdown: LOL I've actually been meaning to read that one
     
  23. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2008
    Messages:
    872
    Likes Received:
    0
    Teddy Roosevelt is a great choice.

    http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_the-5-most-badass-presidents-all-time.html

    I think it's awesome that you're taking control of your life and I hope you stick with it and find success. Unfortunately, there's no denying that years and years of your mother's passive aggressive potshots and misguided views on maleness and femaleness have caused a crippling effect on you. An entire generation of men is fucked up and misogynistic and broken and angry because of crazy Boomer moms. You're not alone.

    The good news is, you're still young and have plenty of potential. Don't be afraid to talk to a therapist or a school counselor. If you don't start fixing yourself now and fixing your attitude towards women, your life will only spiral down the crapper from here.

    Don't listen to the people who tell you that being a "man" is all about shooting animals, drinking, chopping down trees with your dick, eating jerky, banging a lot of chicks, etc. That's superficial shit. Being a man is deciding what's right for YOU and not backing down in the face of adversity, whether it be memories of childhood trauma or screeching, harpy women.
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2010
  24. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks alot man, you're one of the few people who have had something constructive to add to my threads here. I'm feeling really good right now. I feel more in control than I have in a long time. After basically years of half-assed attempts to lose weight, I have been sticking to my diet and hitting the gym consistently for about 3 weeks now. I've lost 11lbs. I feel I'm much more aware of myself, with my moods. When I feel bad about myself or have negative thoughts about other people I can sort of just think about it and sort through it, instead of reacting badly. I am going to counseling, just had my first session the other day, it was alright. I'm gonna keep going but I'm also seriously working on myself just day to day. Especially when it comes to stopping approval-seeking behavior.
     
  25. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2003
    Messages:
    20,543
    Likes Received:
    0
    "thanks alot man"... :mamoru:
     

Share This Page