SRS How to up and move to another state -or- we need to get the fuck out of here...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Alt+F4, Jul 19, 2005.

  1. Alt+F4

    Alt+F4 official OT hockey stud

    Dec 13, 2001
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    Manchester, NH
    (Preface: Runnels, as the only one here who knows who I am, you are one of, oh, two people who are going to know about this. I trust it will remain that way. Thanks man.)

    My wife and I are in a rut. We both have decent jobs, we make OK money, we own a townhouse-style condo, but neither of us are happy. Our marriage is just about the only thing that is great in either of our lives - we are the best of friends and we both know it. But everything else around us really sucks lately...and has sucked for the past six months.

    First, our friends. We have a bunch of couple friends and single friends, and with the exception of one other couple, we feel like we're growing apart from them. We just don't have the same goals or aspirations or whatever as they do, and hanging out the past six months has been awkward, almost forced. A few of our couple friends still like to party and drink and go to bars, and we're just not into that anymore. We'd much rather sit around and make some popcorn and watch a movie or go bowling or something "boring", as our other friends see it. I feel like we're all growing up and growing apart, which may well be normal. We find ourselves not answering the phone when they call and avoiding places where we all used to hang out. We're 25/6 and have been friends with all of these people since 15/6. Part of me wonders if our dismal work life is making us angry and bitter at their successes (all of our friends are financially successful and way ahead of the curve, as are we I think, but they are moreso) on to our next issue...

    Our jobs. There was a time when our jobs were promising. My wife was rifling up through the ranks at her insurance company, and management loved her. She interviewed for her fourth promotion in three years, but she did not get it - she was assured the next one that came available (two months, max) would be hers. Instead, she grew angry and took a lateral job move to another department. Since doing that, three of the previous promotional opportunities have come and gone, and her old coworkers, the ones she MANAGED only six months ago, have taken them. Her new job is not what she expected, as she went from handling claims and managing people to sorting mail and doing remedial tasks. While the money is better, she hates going to work and feels embarrassed that she left a good opportunity for the shit she does now. She's very proud and when it comes to respect, she doesn't get it at her current position. She looks at the people she used to manage, and now they're higher than she was in her old department. She hates it and wants out.

    My job is just as dismal. I've been here since I graduated college, which is three years next month. I currently make $1200 more per year than I did when I started, thanks to my raises of 3%. 3% of not much is not much. About a year ago I was interviewing around and got a decent job offer - same pay, but better work and 5 minutes from home (I currently commute 90 miles a day). I approached my boss here and told him of the news, when he told me their plan for me - to send me to MCSE courses so I can get my MCSE 2003 and get a $20k pay raise. I had two years to complete the MCSE, and that was one year ago. I was very excited, but that has faded. I have taken and failed the first MCSE course four times. Four. I've never failed at anything in my life like this, and it's killing me. Each time I've had to lie to the bosses here, but I'm running out of lies. The work is terrible too. There are no advancement opportunities besides the aforementioned raise, and I'm lucky to get 5 hours worth of real "work" out of a 40 hour week. My job should be part time, there's just not enough to do here. I'm miserable every day, and I'm losing anything I learned in school.

    I'm very lucky to have the marriage I do. My wife and I have recently begun talking about moving to North Carolina. She has a sister who lives there, and while we aren't real close to her emotionally, it will give us some "ins". We are hoping to go down and visit and scope out the area within the next month. The housing is incredibly cheap. We should be able to make a few grand on our condo, which we bought about a year ago. The thought of leaving all this negative shit and starting anew intrigues the shit out of me. New house (we could afford a 4br colonial with what we paid for our condo here), new jobs, and new friends excite me to no end. I at least want to look into it.

    Has anyone done this? How can it be done? I am applying for jobs down there as we speak, as is my wife. But how does that even work? How do you interview for a job 1000 miles away? I'm not worried about a home, we can either rent for a while or stay with her sister, but the job thing worries me.

    Thanks for listening...and I look forward to your thoughts.
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I encourage you to take the step towards a new life, hopefully you will find new friends, and an acceptance of your mature outlooks on life, and be able to raise a family in the beauty of North Carolina's mountainous area's ,or that of your likings (maby near the beaches). If you have the capacity to make the jump i would surely do it. A new enviroment is always fresh inspiration ,hopefully you will find forfilling jobs and maintain a great lifestyle in which you can love and help others.

    Welcome to the North Carolina Club

    Real Estate.

    Job Oppertunity
  3. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

    Mar 16, 2000
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    42.520686, -83.305014
    Joe. I haven't even been in the channel in forever. Josh posts here on OT, but he also hasn't been in the channel, likely doesn't know your s/n, and I've never seen him in the asylum. And yes, I won't go babbling about this anywhere. With one exception, I keep NOTHING from my wife. :)

    attitude is everything. I'm glad to hear that you and your wife are in this together, regardless of where you land.

    We too are looking to the carolina's - perhaps 5 years out. I need to wrap up some schooling, and get a couple more years worth of IT on my resume.

    My youngest brother is a telecommuter - I'm looking to get that same type of job, and elminate for the most part, the personality issues of working in a large office environment, where 10% of the people here are fucking each other, or the bosses, and fully another 50% are kissing their asses all of the time, too afraid to make a decision.

    Ultimately, it has to come down to how badly you want the move/change. One of my brothers (he's still single) got so fed up with engineering for the big 3, that he moved to thousand oaks california to try to make a go at it. He couldn't find work that would support his lifestyle, ended up declaring bankruptcy - moved back to, lived wit my parents for a year while building back up his savings, and paying down some of the remaining debt.

    Then moved to Denver 3 years ago. He's doing pretty well for the most part. Found work in the medical database field, bought a VFR last summer, and has put over 10k miles on it. He's looking to buy a house in the next couple of years.

    Something for Meg to consider re: the respect thing. Right now, she's in the same boat I'm in. The job is just that, a "job" - not really a career, not really a "profession" per se'. Simply a third of the day, 5 days a week - a means to an end.

    There are ways to change that, and even to change that outlook. For one, be thankful for what you do have. Put the smile on the face, even when you don't feel it.

    We've had to bury family members every weekend for the past couple of weeks. My father is still in rehab after nearly dying a few weeks ago from respitory arrest. My nephew is still in a drug induced coma in the PICU in Milaukee.

    All things considered, that which goes on at work is relatively unimportant. But, make the best of it that you can. And be nice to all those assholes at work - not cause they're nice, or that they deserve it, but because you are a nice person...

    Hit me up on AIM sometime fool! While I've been in and out of state for the past 9 weeks (this is my first full week back in the office in that time frame) I've usually got some time to chat - I can also pm/msg you phone numbers if you'd rather talk.

    And, I can honestly say, that you are welcome to come visit, my house already has more cars in the driveway than a dealership, and even with another tenant in the basement, we have room to put you up for a visit.


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