SRS How to stop loving someone?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Killuminati, Apr 24, 2007.

  1. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    How do I go about doing this? It's been 3 months I am finally "over" her. But I still really love her very much. How can I stop thinking about her in that way? She is married.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Perhaps you never will stop loving her but it will prolly be a different kind of love. She was a part of your life and you shared something special with her.

    IMO it's not reasonable to just "not feel" anything in regards to her....even if she broke your heart like my ex did. I still love her in a certain way and wish her the best but I have no desire to get back into a relationship with her. Sex tho?? Hmmmm....I could be tempted. :rofl:
     
  3. Lindsay Loo

    Lindsay Loo ミ★ Mikel's POZ Partner ミ★

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    i think it takes time. i loved my ex and it took a good year and a half for us to stop being sick together and "loving" eachother, but now I dont really feel anything for him. :dunno: we spent 3 years together and all I can really chalk it up to was a lot of learning about myself as well as life.
     
  4. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Please don't flame me but this chick is married. She broke it off to work things out with her husband. I know it was stupid but that doesn't mean I don't love her. I kinda developed a bond with her children also. :( We work together and everytime I see her it makes me think of how close we used to be... We were best friends first then involved now it feels as if she is pushing me away. Is it wrong for me to still want to be her friend? (I'm trying to think of her as just that a friend but it is hard)
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Well IMO you just need to break all ties with her. She's married and no you should never have allowed it to progress. But I completly understand how difficult it can be....been there.

    No good can come from trying to be her friend. She is married and you are not her husband. Go find someone else to play with and mend your heart.

    As Dr. Phill says, "Anything they do with you, they'll do TO you." So if she does end up getting a divorce, you can't ever trust her.

    As difficult as it may be, you really should just move on. At least I would...if I were in your shoes.
     
  6. -argonaut-

    -argonaut- New Member

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    Well, given that you were involved with a married woman....

    Anyway, the best way to stop loving someone is to love another.

    The love that you had/have for the previous will likely never go away, instead it will evolve and contribute to the love that you'll develop for another, though you'll still have some feeling for the previous because they were the one that helped reveal your potential for the capacity of love that you felt for them.

    Luckily, the good things that happen to us in life never really go away, instead, they help to make the next similar experience that much more enjoyable.
     
  7. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    Maybe you should realize how much she hurt you and understand that if someone loved you then they would have never put you in that position in the first place.
     
  8. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I have tried thinking that way... I have pretended to hate her. But I just can't do that. :hs: She felt that this was the best thing to do for her children (also I admit her husband has CHANGED a lot, he is now treating her much better) and she also broke it off because she knew I wanted more but she was unable to give that to me. How can I hate her for that? And I was not going to break up a marriage. Something happened between us which I believe scared her because she realized how close we were. Does that make sense? or do I sound really naive?

    Anyway, she is my best friend I don't know if I can just stop talking to her.
     
  9. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    She might be doing this because he(husband) changed. Probably wont last to long. He is probably going to do the temp. fix. I could be wrong. They could work out and be married for the rest of their lives with no complaints.

    She is going to have to push you away some otherwise with her trying to get back with her husband it wouldn't work for them. She wouldn't be putting in 100% to try to work things out with you there.

    Again Happened to me as well. It sucks big time. The girl I know has a big part of my heart but I can't don anything to get her to talk to me or anything. If she needs that space the best thing you can do is give it to her!
     
  10. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    I don't know if we ever truly stop loving someone we once loved, truly loved. Sometimes when we thonk love dies, it goes and lives in the Land of Indifference, but if have truly loved someone, they live within our hearts for eons. Just there, in that little place inside of us. I daresay it can be comforting to know that we have truly loved another individual and, as such, understand what the poets have written about since time began. Many of us never experience love in a true form...we have puppy love, crushes, lust after, but some have experienced love that makes us soar beyond the stars.
    When we have loved someone and would have followed them beyond the stars, love becomes timeless and never ends.

    Sounds like a death sentence and it could very well be.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007
  11. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    It just really sucks loving someone and not being able to tell her anymore... But I guess I can do nothing but respect her right? and her husband..
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I agree. Cut ties. No contact. Find someone else. No going back.

    The best way to move on...is to MOVE ON!

    good luck
     
  13. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    You have no reason to be mad at her or her husband. I mean come on it's her husband.

    Like I said I have been there in the same boat for about 3 months with someone and just found out the other day. Same situation! It sucks but it's life.

    To be honest read this carefully from here til the end....

    If you and her were meant to be together when he (husband) fails again or his temporary fix that he thought would work doesn't she will come back to you knowing that she can rely on you or trust you.

    You might I mean might not get past friendzone ever again but I think you from the looks of it would just love to have her as a friend.
    (Again I'm in the same boat. I rather have the friendship over the relationship if anything).

    Once things get worse or better at home with her husband she might come back to be the friend that you might need and nothing more.

    She has to seperate herself from you so she can put that 100% back to try to fix things for not only her but her family. It sucks and I know you know but that is how the world works.

    Just my 0.02 cents. I put a lot into this cuz I know how it feels and it hurts but thats the way I look at it and it makes it easier for me and I hope it does for you too...

    Good luck and I hope my opinion helps you out some.
     
  14. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Wow, this sounds exactly like me.
     
  15. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I tried to put myslef in your shoes.

    The easiest way for me to be able to let you know how it is.

    Anytime I can help I'm down for it.

    Well, try to at least.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007
  16. Liquid_Vitamins

    Liquid_Vitamins New Member

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    If you work together and you think about how close you used to be everytime you see her, maybe you ought to think about whether you need to get a different job to keep yourself sane.
     
  17. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Yeah... I was kinda depressed for a little while there (because of that and other reasons) but I'm ok now. We used to work side by side 8 hours a day.. But now she moved to another department so I don't see her as much. So, I guess it would be stupid of me to tell her how I feel. Since 3 months has passed its like she has put a wall up and its very frustrating! A big fucking wall. But I guess she had to, to work it out with her husband. But I don't think that is necessary anymore because I'm not gonna try anything with her now. (if the oppurtunity came up I don't know...) I talked to her the other day and now we are working on repairing our friendship back. Do you think this is a good idea? I really really miss our friendship but if I'm closer to her again I'm afraid I would still want more.

    One thing I don't understand is why she doesn't want to talk about why she has pushed me away and put a wall up between us or whatever. I'm trying to make sense of it and it's like it hurts her to talk about it. I don't understand she used to be crazy about me. Why is it so hard to talk about it?
     
  18. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Can you tell me the story of what happened with you and your chick? I would like to hear it. Was her husband in the picture?
     
  19. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    This will be long but yes I will be glad to give some cliffs to makes this not at long and easy to understand.

    Her and I use to date before all of this happened.

    Their Marriage: A lot of ups and downs. More downs then anything. They have a baby. Almost 2 now. Well here it goes. While they were dating(before marriage) he cheated on her several time (10-15) Maybe more. Well, then she got knocked up right before she was going to leave him. He ask her to marry him.

    When he asked her to marry him she stopped talking to me for the simple fact that she wanted to be with me and not him but she wanted to give him a chance as a husband.

    Marriage Time:
    He wouldn't let her invite any of her friends nor he didn't want any of her family there. During the wedding she was pregenant and he didnt want anyone to see her like that cuz she was "FAT". So no friends were invited to that. Well, she had her cell phone out getting ready to call me to have me come get her cuz she didn't want to go through with it. But she did.

    After Wedding: Groom and Groomsman left church with everyone. Well dinner was 6 blocks away. They finished a 1.75 liter of something before they arrived at the dinner. 20 minutes later during salad Groom throws up on table. Groom and groomsman outside crying. Enough said about that!

    During Marriage: He drinks all the time and she works full time, school full time and takes care of baby.*super mom maybe* He works, showers, changes, and out for the night he went. Cheated at least one during marriage. Hold her against her will and so on.

    I was always there to help her out as a friend cuz I know here BETTER THEN ANYONE!

    Divorce Time: Her and I still talk. husband wont talk to me. The reason why they get a divorce is for the problems during the marriage. Well come to find out I was one reason. She wanted to be with me. Well, we tried our thing and it didn't work. She needed her space to find herself again and I need to get my shit in gear.

    2 Weeks Ago: I get a text message saying I fucking hate you, your a piece of shit, I hope you die, and I don't fucking care about you and I want you to fall off the face of the earth. I was like hold on what did I do.

    Well, come to find out one night we were out with some people and she slipped and said we had sex. SHE SLIPPED I HAD NO IDEA OTHERWISE I WOULD OF TRIED TO COVER IT UP!

    Come to find out who she told told someone and that got back to the Ex-husband. Well, of course it's my fault.

    Now she wont talk to me, look at me at school, nothing.

    Talk about a hard hit to the heart.

    I told her if I couldn't have a relationship I wanted my best friend back well that's not happening.

    To be honest my "opinion" it wouldn't suprise me if she went back to him. She is the nicest person in the world and lets people walk all over her. She thinks he will change but he has not since she left so what makes her think he will change now who knows. He said that he doesn't drink anymore but when he doesnt have his kid he is out drinking!

    I just lost a big part of my life and I think it's bull that I never got a chane to defend myself but thats fine because maybe that is something I dont need in my life.

    If she wants a friendship down the road I will think about it. When that time comes.

    So thats that pretty much.

    *******************************************************************************
    edit
    *******************************************************************************

    He was always in the picture texting her and calling her constantly. It sucked. It was like we never got any alone time!
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2007
  20. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Ouch man... that has to hurt. Thanks for sharing.

    Man, I really want to be friends with her again. We have been fighting A LOT recently and I think it's because she has closed up so much with me, she has put a huge wall up and it's very fucking frustrating knowing someone so well for so long then suddenly they do this. It makes me so mad. Her husband used to go offshore for like a month at a time. So we spent A LOT of time together because of that and working together. I just wish she wasn't acting liek this.
     
  21. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Like I said before she has to put that wall up and give 100% effort to try to make things work again. The only way for her to do that is to tune you out for the time being if not forever. It sucks but thats how things are going to go.

    Mine did the same thing. For her to find herself she slapped up a wall and cut all contact with me off. SUCKS. Nothing anyone can do about it.
     
  22. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I know I can't force her to be my friend.. I asked her if she cared enough about me and our friendship to try and repair it. She said it really hurt her feelings... If things don't change in a couple of weeks i'm gonna give her an ultimatum. Either she wants me in her life as her friend or not. This inbetween shit is driving me insane.
     
  23. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    To be honest doing that might push her completely away and she will cut you off forever. Get your butt out and do somethng with some friends and such. Sitting here on OT isn't going to help the situation. Let life take its course. She should come back to be your friend. Give it sometime!
     
  24. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I'm waiting to pick up someone after work in a few minutes. Yeah, I guess it would be wrong to push her but how much time should I give. :hs:
     
  25. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    No time limit. just let things flow and if she was close like you say she is she will come back to be your friend. It is going to take sometime and her telling her husband that your just a good friend.
     

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