SRS How to prevent SUDDEN irrational negative thinking

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by FurryFriend, May 15, 2007.

  1. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    Have any of you been in a happy mental state and then, all of a sudden, you start getting negative obsessive thoughts? How the fuck do I prevent this from happening?

    For the last two months, I've been chasing this cute coworker. Finally, she's been displaying signs of interest. Of course, I'm happy about it. But then suddenly, I would start thinking negatively and obsessively. I would think she's too good for me, that I'll eventually get dumped or used or whatever. These thoughts come out-of-the-blue and I'm afraid it will sabatoge my chances with this chick by causing me to do something really stupid.

    My brain does this whenever I enjoy some initial success with a girl. I bet it's a defense mechanism. Because of my past shitty experience with women, my brain is trying to sabatoge things so that I wouldn't get hurt down the line if I ever get hot and heavy with this chick.

    Are there drugs for this sort of thing?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I have this problem...a lot too. It's very hard to deal with since it is completely mental, but you have to use some willpower in the sense that once you have these thoughts you need to immediately push them away and make yourself realize that you are good enough for this girl. No one should ever feel they aren't good enough for someone because then you are just placing them up on a pedastal (and this never ends up well).

    I wouldn't resort to meds for this, just sheer confidence and a sense of self worth. What are you doing about this girl anyway? I'm a girl, and as most of us will tell you if she is being flirty and letting it be obvious that she likes you you need to make your move ASAP. Girls hate and lose interest if a guy doesn't pursue them. We are based a lot on timing.
     
  3. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    You should just make the effort if it's what you want to do. What's the worst that can happen? And you don't want to go around thinking about this in secrety for 2 years and finally ending up with her marrying some other bloke :)

    I wouldn't recommend any drug use either, it's a natural human feeling. Just think positive
     
  4. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    This is pretty much what I would of said.

    You just need to take things one step at a time and it is a natural human feeling and I get like this too sometimes but that's life and you just have to work around it!
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    root cause: low self-esteem.
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Here's something my shrink taught me. He called it "first thought/second thought". He said we can't control the thoughts that enter our heads...they seem to come out of nowhere and they can blindside us when we least expect it. There's no reason for me to beat myself up over something I simply can't control. He also explained that in his experience (he's been around a long time) noone was ever able to control their minds enough to prevent stray thoughts from entering their mind....it was simply unreasonable to expect someone to be able to controll this first thought.

    So even though we can't control those first thoughts, we CAN control the second thought. Or to put it a different way, we can control what we do with that first thought. We do have control over how we react to the first thought. We can choose to focus on that first thought and begin our obsession (which IMO is simply based in fear) or we can dismiss that thought with a chuckle and refocus our minds on more positive thoughts.

    When I first heard this I thought it sounded rediculous and that I was simply avoiding important issues in my life (something I work hard not to do). I didn't think it was as easy as it sounds and at first it wasn't...but it gets so much easier with practice.

    This idea has helped me tremondously when I was first getting sober because there were many times when I'd have really fun thoughts about drinking. Even months after my last drink. I'd then begin to worry that maybe I was going to go back to drinking because of these thought. I was actually kind of scared because I didn't know why I would think these things unless I was about to relapse.

    This first thought/second thought deal freed me from worry and gave me a tool to use whenever those thoughts come into my head. I've used this many, many times over the years and applied it to many different situations. Hopefully it'll help you also.
     
  7. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i find myself to be guilty of this a lot too. I took a break from my gf earlier this year and the negative thoughts always cross my mind during the silences. We usually talk once every 2 weeks, but during those times we dont talk, i usually get hammered with thinking the worst possible shit could be happening. She met someone else, shes moved on, she slept with someone and so on.
     
  8. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    The exercise is called "Thought Stop."

    When you start to have irrational thoughts you say 'Stop.' And then think of something else. Some people also use visual cues to help remind themselves to stop these thoughts many people actually say 'Stop' out loud. You do this as many times as you need to until you can focus on something else.

    Now, initially, these thoughts will occur more often but that's totally normal and is to be expected. They'll taper off after a bit and you'll find you have full control over your thoughts.

    It takes a bit of practice and repetition, but it does work. Good luck to you :bigthumb:
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2007
  9. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i better start practicing :wtc:
     
  10. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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  11. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i have this problem being a hypochondriac about my health. i'll have a stomach ache, the shits, whatever, and my rational mind will be thinking "whatever, just something you ate, nerves, etc." but then, out of nowhere i'm freaking out thinking "nope, you have stomach cancer, your about to die, etc etc." its easy to believe those thoughts, but its hard for me to convince myself of anything else. i wish i could stop this junk.
     
  12. TheManLouisianaFace

    TheManLouisianaFace and decide!

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    story of my life


    I'm a destroyer :(
     
  13. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    To expand on the first thought/second thought concept, remember: You cannot control an action, only your reaction. You can't control the thought, only the way you react to it.

    I'd suggest checking out the book, "Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life." It's a workbook that focuses directly on the way our minds work, and it's extremely helpful. It focuses on how our thoughts are just thoughts, and our negative evaluations are just that and nothing more, not fact. It focuses on how everyone has this, the only thing that makes someone like you different from someone else is how you suffer from it whereas others can live with it. Check it out.
     
  14. Jackie Treehorn

    Jackie Treehorn Active Member

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    I can relate highly to this problem. Some good advice in this thread. It's really about will power and making a conscious continuous effort to change your frame. It takes time, and a lot of patience, just like anything else. :bigthumb:
     

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