SRS How to nicely break up with a girl? v. older guy not serious

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by TopDawg, Apr 6, 2010.

  1. TopDawg

    TopDawg New Member

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    Long story short, I am with an exchange student who is close to 5 years younger than me for about 5 months now. She's very nice, treats me like a king, but because of lack of connection with her (limited English and maturity gap), I am getting tired of the relationship...

    Last weekend, I tried breaking up with her in person. She ended up bawling her eyes out, trying to hold me and kiss me. I (stupidly and weakly) gave in. I ended up staying at her place for the weekend (sex).

    I know I sound like a dirty man using her for sex. But really, I am fond of her, to even some degree of liking her person. I am trying to think of a nice way to break up with her without destroying her "beautiful" dream. What are some good advices?
     
  2. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    There is no nice way to do it really, she sounds like she's a stage 5 clinger. The way you planned on doing it is the only way but you gave into the pussy :uh: :rofl:
     
  3. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Yeah as much as your using her for sex she's using sex to keep you with her. She is a stage 5 clinger. You just sound like your into her but not THAT into her. Its and shit happens. Just need to tell her straight up your done.
     
  4. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    She is an exchange student? When does she go back?
    I mean... I am tempted to give the lecture about how breaking up is painful but the best for both parties blah, blah, blah... but I am curious as to how long you would have to stick it out before it ended naturally.
     
  5. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    I feel like if you go to brake up with a girl and she moans and cries and uses sex to entice you to stay with her she ought to be expecting to get used at least until she can convince you otherwise. :rofl:

    Best just tell her it's over in person in a neutral place, dont go home with her or let her follow you, then put her number as do not answer in your phonebook and forward all e-mails and whatnot to the trash.

    :dunno:

    Of course I dont know the full story but if she's a student dating someone 5 years older than her she thinks she's too big for her britches and needs some grounding anyway IMO. Of course I dont know her, just speaking from generalizations of girls I see doing this sort of crap.
     
  6. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    Over the phone? That way she can't try to hold and kiss you and all that crap.
     
  7. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Break ups should always be done face to face if possible if you actually give a shit about the person at all, which I hope you would if like them enough to date them.
     
  8. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    She knows what you want and she's willing to give it to you if you'll agree to keep giving her what she wants. But the problem is, you don't think what she has is worth what she wants from you, for the reasons you listed in the first post. Basically, when you break up, you're telling the other person they're not valuable enough to keep around anymore -- even if you genuinely believe "it's not you, it's me", the reason it's you not them is because your needs have changed. There is no easy way to tell someone that if they're desperate to feel valuable.

    You're don't have a choice; you're gonna have to do it the hard way and put up with the crying and the begging and the cursing and (maybe) stuff getting thrown at you, because the only way IS the hard way. However, you do have a choice about whether you take it like a man and tell her in person, or pussy out and fire off a text message. The key factor in that decision is whether you'll be able to respect yourself tomorrow if you pussy out.

    If she were the sort who'd try to stab you if you told her in person, then I'd say hell yes, tuck tail and run, but from the sound of it the only assault you'll have to endure is against your sex drive. Take it like a man.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2010
  9. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    Well he tried that and it didn't work. So I figured he could give it a shot. :mamoru:
     
  10. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    "I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work out. I don't think we should see each other any more."

    ..........then delete her number, email, IM, etc. and don't return any of her attempts to contact you.
     
  11. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Do what you did the first time but run out the door after you say it and don't look back.

    The crying and sex worked once, she'll try it again. Of course you could just keep doing that whenever you want sex but that's messed up and I couldn't imagine anyone doing that. :hsugh:
     
  12. TopDawg

    TopDawg New Member

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    Thank you all for the replies. That helps to know OT's really caring :hug:

    Right now I just don't think I can try breaking up with her in person again. I am cooling it off by not calling her or texting her for a while. When she pushes me, I will just try to end it either through text or email. I know it's pussy way to do it, but I just knowing how she will use sex to get me to give in again, I have to.
     
  13. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    exchange student from where? are you sure she's not trying to get her visa?
     
  14. TopDawg

    TopDawg New Member

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    Korea. Well, even if she's here to stay, our age gap is just too big for me to be deeply into her...
     
  15. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I know, but what I'm getting at is are you sure that she's just not putting on theatrics and doing whatever she can to keep you so you can sponsor her?
     
  16. TopDawg

    TopDawg New Member

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    Not really. I don't think she's really that fond of America, actually. She's just too hung up over me.
     
  17. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    5 years is too big a gap? unless were talking her being 18 and you 23. 5 yrs is nothing.

    your title says "older guy" so im guessing youre late 20s to early 30s?


    any way... thats just me being curious.

    as far as your question.... do what you did the first time. only this time, LEAVE!
     
  18. chickenfeather

    chickenfeather New Member

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    5 years isnt' THAT big of a gap, but dem korean girls be crazy... really crazy. Should have thought this out before stickin it in :hsd: Be more firm about it instead of being spineless. Also, it might be a good idea to carry a taser or other form of protection just in case.
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Everyone I have talked to, white and Korean, agrees with this.

    My "psycho ex" was Korean. I had more drama in a one week period with her than I did TOTAL in all my other relationships COMBINED.
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    do exactly what you did before but this time don't give in

    its really that simple

    girls cry thousands of times in their lives so one more time won't hurt her
     
  21. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    Yeah and unfortunately sometimes they do it just to manipulate the situation and get sympathy from their boyfriends, in order to get their way. :rolleyes:


    I once was dating a guy for like 2 weeks and his ex did this to him while we were trying to date. He ended up ending things with me and went back to her. Then I found out through the grapevine that they only lasted a couple days. Go figure.

    And my bf's ex used to do it with him. He told me that whenever she couldn't get her way that she'd start crying. At first he fell for it and would give in, but he said after he saw her doing the same thing to her parents and dating her for so long, he realized that she was only crying to get control over the situations.
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :werd: my psycho ex did this all the time.

    don't over calibrate, tho. it doesn't mean every time any girls cries that she's trying to manipulate. just something to keep in mind.
     
  23. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    There usually is no nice way to break up. The best you can do is be honest.

    That's really the best way.
     
  24. Battle Angel

    Battle Angel New Member

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    the only 'nice way' to break up with someone is to end it and never contact them again. dont try to stay friends, dont be facebook buddies. NOTHING.
    girls read into that shit wayyy too much and it will just be harder. shell break out over your facebook updates etc
     

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