How to make yourself attractive through maturity

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MattThom01, Apr 1, 2007.

  1. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    We all know that maturity is a desirable trait in a partner. The thing is, it can be hard to know if one is mature or not. So, I thought I'd make this thread so we can list signs/behaviors of a mature person. Little things that everyone can work on, and thus work on making himself or herself more attractive.

    Here's the first. I see this all the time in the main forum, and it confuses me to know end.

    It's the junior high attitude of thinking the only way to deal with criticism or negativity is to respond in kind.

    When someone criticizes/insults you, you respond in kind, get all defensive, and throw out the name calling.

    Haven't you seen how some of us just ignore it? When someone says something that hurts your feelings, or criticizes you, you DON'T have to respond by yelling back.

    That's seriously behavior you see in younger people (like on the playground). Think about this. What good does throwing out the insults do? It just starts a yelling match.

    Next time, when you feel the need to strike back at someone, just turn the other cheek. Let it go.


    I know that may sound unclear. But we have all seen people who just can't seem to take criticism. If anyone can word it better, please feel free to expand on my point.

    And yes, I was inspired to create this by recent threads here in the Vag.

    However, I think the idea has great potential.
     
  2. gabacho numero uno

    gabacho numero uno New Member

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    Interesting post.
     
  3. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    wow, i must be immature, cause I'm the opposite of all the bolded...:rofl:

    well sometimes anyways..depends on how I'm treated :o

    oh well
     
  4. gabacho numero uno

    gabacho numero uno New Member

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    :werd: Same here.
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Need to FWD that to my ex.
     
  6. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    ^^ turn the other cheek, let it go. let someone else put up with her immature shit :mamoru:
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Good job MattThom :) I definitely consider myself mature in a lot of aspects. It took a few years of hardships to get that way but I had seen the light.
     
  8. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    You can still be mature in replying to insults with better insults as long as you stay cool.

    This statement applies more in real life than the interweb though.
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I don't believe in turning the other cheek unless that's the best course of action for me.

    In general, I use my maturity to not escalate the situation. But if the other person takes it to that level, I'm willing to go there.

    I focus on remaining calm and not letting my emotions do the thinking for me. I've found that in a confrontation, if you are able to remain calm and speak your mind, it often helps defuse the situation.

    In the past, I used to get so angry that my vocabulary would be limited to about 4 different curse words. Now I'm able to use my brain to verbally spar with the best of them because I remain calm.

    I had this girl I work with last night say something really rude and hurtful to me. I didn't get mad or upset, but I went to her and dropped a hurtful insult on her that I've been saving for just this occasion (she had liposuction several months ago and she's actually bigger now than she was before).

    So I said "Boy, that's liposuction sure has worked out well hasn't it?" and I looked at her stomach while grinning.

    She came to me later and proceeded to tell me that its fine and I can't upset her, but of course her body language, voice tone, and eyes indicated that she was upset. She insulted me further and I remained calm with neutral body language and normal voice tone and she completely chilled out.

    She's used to people like her boyfriend, who get really upset and angry in these situations.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2007
  10. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Maturity only goes so far. If someone said something really bad to my wife/girlfriend, or laid a finger on her, I'd fuck their day up real good. I tend to be very protective though. :hs:
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    What about the fact that your girl may very well be in the wrong, and she's only going to tell you her side of the story?
     
  12. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    If it was verbal, and she started it, probably not. But the minute someone gets physical with her I'd be stepping in, no matter who started what.
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    :cool:

    I deleted that post because i didn't really like it, but now that you've quoted it, I'm stuck with it ;)

    Yeah, never let anyone get physical with your woman. I'm with you on that one.
     
  14. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    One thing I've learned over the years is when a girl goes apeshit trying to explain "stuff" or whatever or really anyone making a really long drawn out explaination(excuse) for something.

    Rather than nitpick at it and return a long drawn out reply. Find the core thing they need to do differently and say it as simple as possible.
     
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    That's a mature thing to say. Seriously.

    It's like when a guy says "man, if I caught my gf in bed with another guy, I'd kick his ass so fast..." That's fucking wrong. You should thank the guy for showing you that your gf is a whore. If you should kick anyone's ass, it should be your gf's (figuratively speaking, of course. I don't believe in domestic abuse).
     
  16. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    That sounds more immature to me and seems to run counter to other things you've stated in here about being an adult. An adult would either ignore the insult or state clearly that they expect others to respect them.


    I do like what you said about one's girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever) being in the wrong. At times I see women clinging to macho guys or well built guys as a way of having security or a license to say/do whatever they want. I don't condone people getting hurt, but if a person's mouth or actions get them in trouble, they should be the one to figure out a solution.
     
  17. glass

    glass New Member

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    i read somewhere that maturity is "the balance between 'courage' and 'consideration'". i think it was this book.

    as for "turning the other cheek", i don't think it's so much a problem as not being ruled by your ego and emotions. i may turn the other cheek if i'm insulted but i wouldn't let someone insult my family or wife. of course, my retaliation would be more motivated by appearances and politics than emotions - my goal would be to show that insults against my wife or family don't go unpunished, because otherwise can have very material consequences.

    i think other marks of maturity include being able to see past your own needs, and consider the needs of others. if someone is appearing selfish, you should ask yourself what this person might be going through, or if this could possibly be your fault.

    i've always found it difficult to articulate what constitutes maturity, but i can say that self-control and perceptiveness is a very big part.

    maybe you'd like to consider bringing the topic up in On Topic and post a link here (not that everyone there qualifies to discuss.. but it's worth a shot).
     
  18. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    Maturity in itself should be attractive.
     
  19. I don't believe in domestic abuse, it is the single dumbest thing to ever happen, someone who abuses women, is insecure about himself and his actions, though at times I'm sure your woman asks for it, and you want to hit her so hard, just take a deep breath and walk away. That's as mature as I can think of getting in a situation. When people start yelling or raising thier voice, I normally walk away and tell them to come find me when they are calm. There is no point to verbally spar with someone when they are yelling it's a lost cause at that point.

    I'm saying this all because I used to be the guy verbally yelling back, or getting into it with my ex (words) and I wish I had been smarter and just walked away. It would have diffused the situation so much more.
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    As far as I'm concerned, I am an adult by remaining calm in that situation. I didn't allow my emotions to make my decisions for me.

    She's gotten in my business more than once recently, and I have no problem fighting fire with fire.
     
  21. glass

    glass New Member

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    i dunno.. it just seems like you went from "crime of passion" to "premeditated". showing that you don't put up with shit can be a good thing but in my opinion that comment hurt more than it needed to.
     

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