SRS how to make the hurt go away?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by AshLee, Sep 18, 2005.

  1. AshLee

    AshLee New Member

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    so me and this guy i had been dating for a while and broke up about 3 months ago or so. during this seperation time we had been still be having sex (started as friends who would of known what it would turn into...? duh.) well, we finally actually stopped that and are just nothing. we have been nothing for about a month now. when him and i were together i was so head over heels for him and then he just broke my heart one day. and now even 3 months later i still feel just as hurt by him as i did the day we broke up. unfortunately, we wound up in the same comm class at school so I am forced to still see him every tues/thurs..and the first day of class i just ignored him and then i got this nasty phone call after school bitching at me for ignoring him.. you know this just sucks. cause i just want him out of my life. he has always had this whole "i wanna be friends" rant but you know what..i cant. i have told him that time and time again. and finally, this weekend i felt like i was finally doing well. i had been going out with my friends and having a ton of fun and not even thinking about him (huge step for me) and OF COURSE! when things start to get better..he calls, or instant messages me. it really makes me mad that i let him have this power over me even months later. i dont even think he knows he has it. Like, this week we had barely said 2 words to each other and now FRIDAY and SATURDAY night he has called me to see what im doing. im like WTF. just go away. You have done you're damage now just leave me alone. Im almost 15649879% positive he knows I have a dislike for him because the other day he sent me an im saying "why r u so mean to me" and then tried to play it off as a joke. I dont know if he is just stupid and doesnt get it when i tell him i want him to go away or part of me thinks he thinks im kidding. im not sure. also, everytime since we have broken up and he has either seen me with another guy or found out I was on a date or something he trips his ass on me and yells and screams. who does he think he is? and why does he think he has any right to do this to me? everytime he does this shit i say to him "YOU BROKE UP WITH ME, REMEMBER??" why wont he just go away? :o i feel like even though we are totally done he still tries to toy with me.
     
  2. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    cut off all ties with him now. dont answer his calls and block him from aim. he is doing no good to you at all.
     
  3. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I agree. You're not giving him a message that is strong enough...you need to cut off as much contact with him as possible. Send him a final note that say you need at least a few months to yourself & you won't respond to him at all for this period. If not because of hate or animosity, you still need this time for mind to go through the necessary separation process.

    You see him in class? That sucks. But if you make it clear in your last message, he should respect your wish. Sit across from him in the classroom, and if you must interact, keep the subject strictly to school activity.
     
  4. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    It seems like he realizes he made a big mistake and thinks that it can just be corrected easily. He must've really fucked up for you not to want to see him anymore. Whatever the case, he's obviously not mature enough to accept that it's over, so besides the class thing, disavow him completely. If it's not too late to change your class schedule, do it.
     
  5. AshLee

    AshLee New Member

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    see that is what i wonder if he thinks he made a mistake. part of me is not sure at all. not sure meaning i dont know what he thinks. and it is really annoying. and yes he did really fuck up..he has done just about everything wrong that a person can. but thanks for all the advice. anyone else have any opinions on the subject?
     
  6. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Make the hurt go away by separating yourself from its source for a good long while: HIM, and by filling the void in your life with new things. Spend more time with your good friends, contact people you've lost touch with. Take up a new creative outlet: paint, write, sculpt, play an instrument, weave, knit, render soap from the flesh of animals... whatever. Do something creative. Exercise more. Get out more. Enjoy nature. Go to the park. Meet new people.

    You cannot think your way out of this. You have to replace the old shit with new shit. You'll end up growing alot as a person. Think of this as an opportunity, because it is.
     
  7. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    I agree with most of what Peyomp has stated. however, I also would urge you to acknowledge that it hurts.

    Burying the feelings can in some cases just delay actually experiencing them. Especially if one is obsessive compulsive (like me) and/or a bit on the manic/depressive side (like me).

    Accept the feelings, experience them, ask yourself what hurts?

    The rejection? The thought that it's over? That you gave and didn't get enough in return? The not getting any sex?

    If one loves someone completely, then one gives without the expectation of getting anything in return. That being said, yes obviously true love is give and take between two or more people serving each other, so if you're in love with someone who only takes, well, it's probably more of an infatuation than love IMHO, but that's another debate.

    Tell him that you do want for him to be happy, but currently it can't be at the expense of your happiness, and that contact with him of any fashion hurts. As for the "ignoring him" in class... Ask him how many people in that class you also ignore? He wants to be "friends" - probably maintaining that "friends with benefits side" (wouldn't we all love to have many of those). However, that conflicts with your wants/needs so he has to learn to accept that side, just as much as you have to learn to accept that it's over.

    Time to move on.

    In time, if there are still qualities about each other, and mutual interests and with some aging/maturity then perhaps there will be friendship, but right now, probably not a good idea at all.
     
  8. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    It takes time. Best thing to do is to end all contacts. I hate to say it, but since you two do have a class together, you might not completely get over it until after the semester.
     
  9. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Don't bury them. I mean... its obvious she is aware that it hurts. Just replace em. Create. Its the only thing that actually works.
     
  10. AlexC927

    AlexC927 New Member

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    I know this is trite but ya gotta give it time and not to mention a lot of space from that fucking shit head.

    I was in almost the exacrt same position about 6 years ago with my last gf.

    Their just headfuckers.....no use for them in your life. took me two damn years to get over her because I didnt follow any of the advice my friends gave me and I troied to remain "friends" at her request of course.

    I finally cut her off and got over her. Don't be dumb and do what I did.

    Sever ties immediately...
     

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