How to lose this guy?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by yankeeschick14, Mar 24, 2008.

  1. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    I met this guy last weekend at a St. Patrick's Day party, and we got to talking for a bit. I found out he wanted to go to a dance on campus that I was going to with my friends, so I offered him a ride. We danced maybe a song or two together with my friends there (not grinding, just fun friendly dancing if you know what I mean), and then parted ways for a bit. When it was over he asked if my friends and I would like to go back to his brother's house, who he was staying with, to watch a movie for a bit. I drove him back over there, and we hung out for a bit before saying goodbye. He didnt make any advances or anything, and I repeatedly talked about my boyfriend and that didnt make him turn around and walk away like it usually does for guys that are only interested in getting with me.

    The next day, I had a friend request from him on facebook, and he IMed me as soon as I signed online. I ignored him when he IMed me and I havent been on since. He sent me a message a couple of days ago on facebook saying "hey I'm going to be on campus on thursday, and I'd really like to see you. Message me back!" I havent responded yet, and I dont really know what to do. I feel like I couldnt have been more clear that I'm in a very serious relationship, so maybe he just wants to be friends and I'm blowing this whole thing out of proportion? Or do you think he really is interested and just doesnt care? Should I just continue to ignore him, or should I say something like "i have two exams on friday so i cant hang out," which is the truth anyway. Or should I just outright say "I dont want to see you, I'm in a serious relationship and I dont think this is appropriate"? I dont want to hurt his feelings, but he gives me a weird feeling for some reason. Also he's pretty significantly older so I feel he could probably handle it. ugh.

    Advice needed and appreciated.
     
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Could be he does just want to be friends. Most likely just wants to join the other guys that are hiding in the woodwork for their shot with you though. Either way though he didn't make any advances and knows you have a boyfriend so it seems rather harmless :dunno:
     
  3. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    hmmm, well i know you weren't trying to, but it seems like you gave him the green light at the beginning. i have liked a lot of girls in my past who have bfs - some indicate immediately either by word or action that there isn't a chance and some don't. that being said, some guys don't give a shit and will pursue non-stop.

    i am just curious why hanging out with him now is any different than what you did prior by going to the party with him, dancing with him, and hanging out at his place. was it not inapproripate then?

    also, when there is a red flag there..per your comment, it is usually justified. just be honest with him. nobody can knock you for that
     
  4. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    tell him you have herpes.... if hes still interested you found yourself a real loser
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    If it doesn't seem appropriate, tell him so. Why not be straight up honest with him? You have nothing to lose.
     
  6. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    I would bluntly spell out that you hope he isn't trying to court you because, yeah, you're not interested in him but if he's just looking for friends on campus then I don't see why not hang out with him (unless he was just generally creepy). I think the dynamics are different in this sort of situation because a lot of people are just looking for friends at school regardless of gender.
     
  7. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Yes I'd be fine with that under the circumstance of him being on a campus enviroment and wanting to meet new people...as long as he wasn't doing anything behind my back. There's also a vibe you get when you know there's something else going on, at least I get it. I like to feel people out before I leap to any immediate conclusions.

    This guy does sound like he's coming on a bit too strong though, with the immediate IMing and facebooking.
     
  8. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Maybe I'm a weirdo but I don't see anything particular wrong that. It was St. Patrick's Day. :hsughno: A bit of silly dancing and a group movie. I hope my SO would know if his new friends had alterior motives.
     
  9. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    It wasnt inappropriate there because it was a college group setting, and I'm very used to hanging out with a lot of guys and meeting new people when I go out. I live on a very small, rural campus where it is very easy to go out and talk to new people and give them rides and go to other peoples houses without knowing them, and there's little threat (also, being with a group of my friends helps). Its an honest place and creates a very cool atmosphere. It threw up a red flag when he followed up the next day. My bf knows about it, he didnt mind (or didnt say that he did), he was just glad I was honest I think. He told me he didnt know what to tell me, but to just deal with it. He knows I have a lot of guy friends who I hang out with alone and its just never been a problem-- we have no trust issues because we're in a long distance relationship and if we had problems with this there would be no relationship.

    I probably did inadvertently give him the green light at first, but you have to understand the extent to which I was talking about my bf. Although I guess in his eyes I could have been saying one thing and meaning another. I'm usually rather oblivious to people coming onto me until it gets too late...like this.
     
  10. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    and yankees chick youve been her too long to be even thinking twice about this

    you know your being a whore if you go meet him.

    thats not what a good girlfriend does
     
  11. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    harsh...but i also :rofl:
     
  12. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    btw, wtf with the college and ldr. you will never ever in your entire life be able to be in the college setting; meeting people, going out, having fun, experiencing new things. to limit that by being in a ldr is a mistake. unless you are going to get married...
     
  13. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    yeah, I would be a whore if I did...and I'm not a whore so I'm not going to meet him :)

    my being in a relationship hasnt hindered my going out, having fun, meeting new people, or experiencing new things. we had to go to college apart from each other, and if we can make it through that we can make it through anything. We've never felt like we couldnt do anything because of the other. The LDR has been very good for us, it was the right choice, and marriage is in the plans.



    yeah, now i know. And yeah, I'm going to tell him, this has gone too far already and it needs to be put to an end before it even gets off the ground. but there are guys I'm "out and about with" that arent my boyfriend. I can't swear off an entire gender, and its not like my bf is even remotely close to me. I'm not going to stay inside and fear men and just wait until its time for me to go home again, I go out and live my life and every once in a while it kicks me in the ass.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    He's interested in you, that's all there is to it. Doesn't matter that you reminded him over and over you have a bf, in his mind you were the girl that drove him around that night and technically danced with him. He thinks he's got a shot.

    If you respond to him you can either be honest and say you are worried his intentions are beyond friendship in which case you remind him of your bf and how nothing would other than friendship would develope between the two of you. Either that or you just ignore him or say you're busy and ignore him from here on out. Up to you.
     
  15. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    in 10 days?
     
  16. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    just as a quick FYI

    i had a situation like this in undergrad. girl and i talked a lot after class and we had to walk across campus to get to her car and my frat house (where i lived) was next to the parking garage. she lived with her bf at the time. i didn't care and just kept asking her to do things - go to lunch, invite to frat party etc.

    within 3 weeks she broke up with her bf, started dating me, and about 15 months later we were engaged
     
  17. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

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    ABSOLUTELY CORRECCT
     
  18. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    how to lose a guy in 10 days.....
     
  19. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    right. but i had to meet those guys at some time, right? its not like i went to college knowing them.
     
  20. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    He might be looking to get into your social circle so you can introduce him to some of your friends. He knows you've got a boyfriend and if he still wants to chill with you it means a few things

    1) He doesn't care about your boyfriend
    2) He wants to meet some of your other girl friends
    3) He has no motive and just thought you were a cool chick for giving him a ride and likes you as a friend.
     
  21. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    interesting and different opinion. thank you. at first I was really banking the farm on number 3....now I'm afraid that its number 1. if I still act like its number 2 or 3, I wonder if I could field this to turn it into a friendship. Because honestly, he's a pretty cool guy and I enjoyed getting to know him a bit last weekend. he similar to a lot of the people that I am friends with now and would probably sit easily into my circle, except that he's like 6 years older, out of college, and doesnt live nearby. These last things dont contribute positively to his casse.
     
  22. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    :h5:
     
  23. nezfotnemom

    nezfotnemom OT Supporter

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    :rofl::rofl:
     
  24. KJB

    KJB Guest

    start being a spurs fan!
     
  25. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    What need is there to care about his feelings... you care more about his feelings or your SO's?
     

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