How to let the gf know I want to slow down our relationship?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MCohen, Nov 7, 2008.

  1. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    I don't mean slow down as in take a break, but more in the sense of lets just be bf and gf, and not worry about buying a house, getting married, our mutual finances etc. She's been really pushing for those lately, and I'm not ready for any of that, but I don't want to tell her so it comes off as an ultimatum and I want her to know those are things are do want from her in the future, but just not now.

    A good example of her being pushy about this is: I want to buy a new car, and she said threatened to leave if I do because it'll hinder our ability to buy a new house in the near future.
     
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Well if you don't have enough communication in your relationship to have a conversation about this, then I'm surprised she would even be pushing for that those things.
     
  3. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    My point is talk to your girlfriend
     
  4. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    I know I have to do that. I'm asking whats the best way to approach her without making her feel like she's overbearing or smothering me.
     
  5. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Is she overbearing and smothering you? Why would you not want her to know that if she is doing those things?

    Seriously, grow a pair, sit your girl down and have a heart to heart. If you can't even do that I don't know why marriage is even an option for you two.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    "Hey, honey, can we talk? Yeah, you should sit down. Anyway, I recognize that this is only going to get worse if we get married, so I am going to go ahead and end things now before this nagging literally drains all the life out of me and you suffocate me with your controlling tendencies. Thanks for all the good times we had together. I'll never forget you. It's not me, it's you. Peace."
     
  7. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    She's not, but she could possibly take it that way.
     
  8. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    I don't want to break up with her :hsugh:
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah, she is:

    She's "threatening" you instead of sitting down and talking to you about it.

    You don't need to slow this relationship down, you need to frikin end it. I'm very skeptical about her actually changing these control-like tendencies, which is why I am saying that it's probably better to end it.

    But if you don't want to jump into that deep of water right away,then just sit her down and be upfront like you are here. It'll probably cause a huge fight/arguement, may lead to making up and trying to change, and likely will end anyway, but it's worth a shot.
     
  10. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Then explain that isn't how you see it, BUT....



    Are you scared of her or something? Does she manipulate what you say often enough for you to fear this conversation going in a bad direction? I honestly hate how people in the Vag just jump straight to "break up with him/her". But if you don't have enough communication with this girl to have this conversation then why the hell are you with her?
     
  11. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I don't want to go to the gym and friking jog on a treadmill for an hour either, but I know it's the best thing for me.
     
  12. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    This is going as bad as my last thread in here. :ugh:
     
  13. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    I want to be with her, I don't know why thats so hard for you understand, bro.
     
  14. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    She can takes thing the wrong way and run with it. I don't want to start a huge fight over this.
     
  15. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    The solution I see in every Vag thread now, in regards to any relationship, is "dump him/her"
     
  16. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    But you are not happy with the way she is smothering you...i.e. you are not happy with HER.

    Your solutions:

    1. Talk to her and tell her what you are saying here and see how she reacts.

    2. End it.

    I'm suggesting 2, merely because people don't tend to change controlling, smothering tendencies and it will just save you a lot of time in the long run.

    But I am not opposed and encourage you to do number 1 if you must see this play out for yourself.
     
  17. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    How so? You wanted to know how to let the gf know you want to slow things down. SO TELL HER THAT. Sit her down and have a adult conversation about it with her. If she takes offense so be it, you are either happy or you are not. Currently you are not, so you need to act like an adult and communicate that to your girlfriend.



    Seriously, the solution to your problem is simple. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. What exactly were you expecting from us?
     
  18. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I agree.
     
  19. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    Its starting to look like that.
     
  20. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    If you go about it in a mature fashion and she takes it the wrong way and runs with it just say something along the lines of "When you are ready to grow up and act your age come find me so we can finish this conversation". Don't enable her to run with it by fighting with her, or letting her yell at you or anything.

    Talk to her like an adult, if she starts acting like a kid walk away until she is ready to grow up and communicate like an adult.
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Jesus Christ, I just looked in your thread history and now I remember who you are. :uh: :ugh:
     
  22. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    It seriously is, it's the go to solution for a lot of people in here for some reason :ugh:. In your case though instead of breaking up, TALK TO HER. If she does over react and start acting childish though you may want to consider what spending the rest of your life with her will be like.
     
  23. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    For those who don't have subs, I can't link to the thread he posted before cause I am on a proxy and the link is jarbled, but the title of the thread (which was 10 pages long):

    I constantly cheat on my girlfriend

    Turns out my "end it" advice is spot on in this case. And there is another side to this story and the girl here might not be as controlling as I thought.
     
  24. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
     
  25. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Is it the same girl? :mamoru:
     

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