How to handle this situation v. unwanted 3 way

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Aug 2, 2008.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I started working a new job about 2 months ago in an office where another girl (Jane) and I are the only people under the age of 40. I am 20 and Jane is 23, so naturally we became friends pretty soon. During my first couple of weeks I heard her talk about her fiance, Glenn, who she's been with for about 5 years. I also told her of my boyfriend of 8 months, you know... girl talk.

    Well a few weeks into working, Glenn came in to pick Jane up from work and I got to meet him. I thought it was sort of weird that within like 12 hours he friended me on myspace and left me a message about one of my pictures being "very nice". But I brushed it off. Over the last few weeks he's been saying things like "Tell Ashley I said she's hott" to Jane while they're on the phone and Jane just relays the message casually.

    A few days ago while my boyfriend was out of town Jane and Glenn asked if I wanted to go out and do something one night. I already had plans to go to a bar w/ a bunch of friends so I invited them to that. Once we got there Glenn asked if they could stay the night at my place since they wanted to drink and I live just a couple of blocks away. I said sure they could crash in my guestroom on the futon.

    Once we got back to my house, Glenn was acting really really drunk/silly and extra flirtatious. At one point he grabbed me around my waste and pulled me down onto my couch. I popped right back up and went to my bedroom and he followed me and layed down across my bed, refusing to get up. Much to my shock, Jane just stayed back in the guest room and let all of this happen as it unfolded. Finally, the only way I could get him to leave my bed was to grab a pillow and lay down on the couch myself in the living room. A couple minutes later he got up and went into the guest room with Jane. I went back to my room, closed and locked the door. I overheard him say "aww, she locked the door on me."

    In the morning when I got up, Glenn had thrown up in my trashcan all night and Jane was occupying my toilet to do the same (they aren't very big drinkers I take it). There was also some puke on my guest room pillow cases. It was obvious that they'd both had way too much to drink, so I thought maybe that was the excuse for his behavior and the reason Jane didn't intervene. Then yesterday he came to work to pick her up from work and on his way out he said "hey check your myspace". I went on there and checked when I got home and had a message from him saying "Yummm Yummm, you looked hott today... ;-)"


    I feel totally awkward about the situation now. I have a boyfriend and I'm in no way interested in either Jane or Glenn. Not in a 3some or any other type of sexual arrangement. Neither of them are very attractive and it's just not something that I'd want to do with a coworker in the first place. The other night alone made me decide I didn't ever want to go out with them again, and now it's even worse because I feel like he's just not getting it!

    What do you guys suggest I say/do to get it through to him that I'm not down for whatever it is he's got planned?


    Cliffs: Coworkers boyfriend keeps hitting on me/drunkenly tried to get with me... how do I tell him to back off?
     
  2. Timer

    Timer Guest

    First, where was your boyfriend in all of this? If I were you, tell Jane about what he's done. She has a right to know and will take the better action than anything you can do. Tell him you do not want him to go near you like that in any way more.

    Not a hard situation.
     
  3. Atheist

    Atheist oh, hi OT Supporter

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    He was out of town, she said that
     
  4. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    As far as telling Jane because she has a right to know... she's pretty much been up to speed this entire time on what he's doing. She's been relaying me the "Glenn thinks you're hott" messages over the phone, and they SHARE a myspace account so she's probably read everything he's been sending me. Plus, she could hear me trying to get him to GTFO of my bed the other night when he wouldn't get up.

    Telling him not to come near my anymore is easier said than done, it's a really awkward subject that I'm not too comfortable confronting face to face. I thought that cussing him out and telling him to get out of my bed and then LOCKING my bedroom door would have been straightforward enough...
     
  5. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    IIRC you're in a LDR which is why your BF isn't around.


    The first thing you need to do is block him from myspace

    You need to have an extremely stern talk with her and tell her that you are extremely uncomfortable with the way her BF acts towards you and that just because SHE is ok with it doesn't mean that you are. Tell her that it has made you uncomfortable at work when he comes by and that you want it to stop NOW.

    If things keep going on you should report it to someone above you at work. Her boyfriend shouldn't be allowed on the property if he continues to harass you.

    From there you have other legal options to take but I think that the first few steps may help you diffuse the situation before they get worse.
     
  6. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Yeah, my boyfriend would have definitely come out with me if he was around, and he would have probably broke the guy's nose for coming onto me like that. He's back now and I told him that the guy was hitting on me but didn't go into detail to avoid unwanted complication from him being pissed.
     
  7. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Not LDR now, it will be in January... he was just in Germany for a couple of weeks.
     
  8. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    It may be hard and you might not be comfortable with it but honest to god it sounds like this guy could go as far as rape without giving it a second thought and his girlfriend wouldn't care either.

    Cussing someone out and locking the door means absolutely nothing to them when they're drunk. You don't need to yell or "bitch them out". Have a stern calm conversation. Bring a close friend or your boyfriend along if needed.

    He needs to know what happened as well.
     
  9. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I can definitely block their myspace, I barely get on the thing as it is so I might just delete it all together.

    I can talk to her on Tuesday when we work together again, although I feel like it's going to be weird telling someone to have their boyfriend back off. If it were me and my boyfriend were acting that way I would have a fit and end the relationship, but every couple is different I guess.
     
  10. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Well if I have anything to say about it hopefully we'll never be in the same room alone together ever again. The only time I care to see him in the future is if he's picking Jane up, and even then I could do without.

    I certainly won't be cussing if I talk to him about this, I was just annoyed at the time because he was acting like a child about wanting to sleep in my bed and I was dealing with a drunk guy which is never fun. I see what you mean about telling him what happened, he could in fact have blocked it out since he was puking all night afterward.
     
  11. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    I second this.
     
  12. fray

    fray New Member

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    I know Jane is aware that the bf is saying all of this to you, but you have to make it clear to her that you are not interested.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Jesus, that would gross me out.

    If it were me I honestly don't think I'd say anything to Jane just yet. I'd block his myspace and ignore him whenever he came in. I mean a casual "hi" if he says hello but still ignore him if he wants to talk past that. If he continued to say shit to Jane like "tell her she's hot" on the phone or that garbage I'd very calmly say to Jane "please stop saying things like that, they make me feel uncomfortable." And then never invite them out again.

    If it finally came down to Jane asking or even Glenn asking why you are ignoring them :mb: then I'd flat out say he/Glenn makes me feel very uncomfortable with the things he says. You think it's rude and unfair to Jane and you are not interested and in love with your bf :dunno: But that's just me.

    You could also obviously just tell them straight up how you feel.
     
  14. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    umm... nowhere does it say that you clearly said "no. Sorry but im not interested. Stop the weird sexual stuff. "
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I'm gonna go with everybody else...delete/block their myspace, tell them both that you are NOT interested in anything sexual with either of them, and cut off all contact besides what is necessary for work.
     
  16. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I'll give you guys an update after Tuesday when I work with Jane.
     
  17. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Tell your boyfriend about everything that happened (the details as well). Because if things get more complicated between Jane, Glenn, and yourself then the truth might pop out eventually and he's going to be pissed that you didn't share the whole story.

    Block the myspace and simply don't go out with them anymore... Hopefully that takes care of the issue. Honestly, I would be more pissed that they both got sick in my place.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    See? That's why I don't invite people to do shit. Because everyone ends up being fucking weird. I almost never invite anyone over to my place EVER except for a) very good friends I've known for a long time and who don't give off "weird vibes" and b) girlfriends.

    No company > weird ass or bad company.
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I've actually always held co-workers at arm's length. Even when I was a server and everybody hung out with one another. I might go out with them...but I never invited them out with me and other friends. Too easy to fuck shit up and make work awkward.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    .

    That, too.
     
  21. SabZ

    SabZ New Member

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    How the hell do you become THAT close to a married couple?! lol. Just tell your boy and then tell Jane & Glenn to back up. Don't just block them out, you gotta have the courage to tell them how you feel and sort things out so they get the message. Show them that you take no shit. If anyone puked all over my place, on the FIRST night out with them, I'd be pissed off.
     
  22. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    You have a problem with confrontation.

    If you want someone to know you're not interested, you say "I'm not interested." If you have a problem with how her bf is acting towards you, tell her so.
     
  23. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Tell her, it's really rather simple.
     
  24. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    Just tell her that it's inappropriate for her boyfriend to act like that, that you're happy in your relationship, and you don't want her boyfriend screwing up what you already have. Tell her that if she can't keep her boyfriend under control, then you will have no other option than to cut her out of your life (other than work of course), because a good friend wouldn't allow that to happen, especially after you've made it clear that you aren't interested.
     
  25. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Be polite (since you have to work with her) & upfront... Tell her that you are not at all interested in any sexual experimentation and you would appreciate it if she & her BF would drop the subject.
    I'm not sure you really need to telly your BF anything other than what you already have unless they continue to persue you.
     

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