How to handle a girl with low self-esteem?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by TenSteel, Oct 13, 2007.

  1. TenSteel

    TenSteel Ted Cruz suicide hotline OT Supporter

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    I'll try to keep the story brief.

    Long story short-- been friends with this girl for a while, there's been sexual tension between us. We've started hanging out again now that both of us are single (nothing ever happened in the past because we got into other relationships.) I could see being a FWB with this girl, but not date her.

    Last night we got together, ended up in an adult shop after dinner. She tries on this Roman slave girl dress that she looks great in-- shows off her rack and legs really well. The ladies behind the counter are floored at how good she looks in it, tell her to go put it back on so they can see her again. All the time she's changing they're telling me how great she looks in it, that they've never seen a girl with the kind of body she has to fill it out. In hindsight, I probably should have tried on a costume myself.

    After we leave, my friend is freaking out. Apprently she's really uncomfortable with showing off what she's got, and has never done anything like that in a public setting. I tell her that she has nothing to worry about, and how the ladies loved the way she looked in it. Then I told her, at the very least, she went out of her comfort zone and was willing to at least show off for a little while.

    Obviously there are some self-esteem issues with this girl. Are there any other things I should say to help the situation, or should I just :run: away before things get ugly in case the two of us start to get sexual?
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Why worry about it if you don't see yourself getting involved long term with her?

    Better to spend the time and effort you would use in fixing her to find a girl that has good self-esteem.
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    i'll read this better later, and give you a better answer, but one bit of advice:
    you can't save anyone. I've been trying to internalize this for awhile, b/c i'm a caretaker, overly maternal, and take on nut cases thinking I can save them all the time.
    YOu can't
    its not worth it.
    Find someone healthy to be with
     
  4. TenSteel

    TenSteel Ted Cruz suicide hotline OT Supporter

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    ^^

    Yeah, kinda leaning towards the same thoughts. :sad2:
     
  5. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    Am i the only one that thinks that its a bit of a stretch to say this girl has serious self esteem issues just because she considers wearing a sex outfit in front of strangers a bit unusual but did it anyway? :dunno:
     
  6. Matt2000ss

    Matt2000ss OT Supporter

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    low self-esteem girls are more likely to cheat imo.
     
  7. CastorTroy

    CastorTroy New Member

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    Same thing I thought. Out of her comfort zone does not mean lack of self-esteem. Of course we don't know anything about her other than this brief post, does she have any clinical traits of low self esteem?
     
  8. TenSteel

    TenSteel Ted Cruz suicide hotline OT Supporter

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    Clinical traits? Hm, not sure about that.

    She dresses up like a tomboy mostly, jeans and t-shirts.

    Something I didn't mention is that this girl has some pretty serious allergies. Her skin will break out easily, and she has some leftover scarring on various places on her body, some of it around her breasts, which was somewhat visible when she wore the dress. I'm not sure if this is the sole reason of her being uncomfortable, but it's definetly a big factor.
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Yeah what you are describing is not low self esteem. A girl with low self esteem would be more likely to dress like that all the time because she loves the attention and self esteem boost she gets from it. This girl is either just not comfortable in clothes like that because it's not her style or doesn't want people to see that because of her skin problems. Nothing in your post indicates to me that this would be a problem in any way if you guys wanted to sleep together.
     
  10. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Well, I think you need evidence to support your claim of her having severe low self-esteme. Most girls that are not whores or at least attention whores will not feel comfortable trying on sex-play outfits in front of her friend (that she might like) and complete strangers.

    That being said.... My last ex and LTR had some pretty serious self-esteem issues. She is a beautiful girl, very sext, incredibly intelligent, and just a great catch all around. But her self-esteem problems put a huge strain on our relationship because she was always jealous, got angry easily, would get kinda crazy sometimes and could get quite insecure even though there was no reason for her to be.
    I take partial responsibility for our relationship going downhill because I was not as supportive as I should have been, but dating a girl with self-esteem problems (if you're a pretty confident male, which I am) takes a huge toll you. Like Demonstat said, you are always concerned with wanting to "fix" them, but sometimes you just can't. My girls issues came from her parents, and even though I didn't do everything in my power to help make it better for her, I am not sure I could have actually fixed it.

    I've heard that a lot of girls grow out of that phase when they finally mature... so maybe that is the case here.... but you have to be ready to put in some overtime on your part "if" she really does have self-esteem issues... This particularly prevails if you guys make the relationship sexual.

    The worst part about girls with low self-esteem is that they let guys treat them like crap and they become huge flirts and attention whores... and in some cases just whores in general.
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Don't get her get too comfortable.

    Once a hot girl realizes she's super hot, she learns to take advantage of it and as soon as a guy who is higher status than you comes along, you're gone ;)

























    I'm half joking...
     
  12. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Sad but true.
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    1. You're not her therapist.

    2. You are not there to "Save her."

    3. Learn how to tease and flirt. Next time say something like "Oh PLEASE. You loved the attention. Don't think I'm so stupid as to fall for this girl trick/line you're giving me! :p "

    4. Try on the Gladiator costume next time. :naughty:
     

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