FRK How to get started/talk about new things?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by aex, Sep 30, 2008.

  1. aex

    aex New Member

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    I think this is my first post here. :eek3:

    So, the other night, my husband and I were getting down and dirty, and I had a thought go through my mind that I have NO idea how to talk to him about. I was like "Wow, I think I'd really like being tied up right now and letting him have his way with me."

    It didn't just go away, either. I still think that sounds like fun. I just have no idea how to talk to my husband. He's never not been up for something I've suggested, but I think any suggestion I've ever made has been pretty vanilla. I think the most off the wall one has been telling him to slap my ass. :rofl:

    I'm not sure how much background info will be helpful ... we've been married about 2 months, and we're pretty open about things and generally communicate well.

    Any advice/suggestions are welcome, as well as any tidbits of wisdom that might benefit newlyweds that any of y'all might have picked up along the way.
     
  2. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    Just talk. Seriously, sit down one night over aniece dinner at home and say "I really want to share somehting with you. My be we can try and spice it up a littel with som Sexgames or bondage?"

    if that scares you, write him a little suggestive note in a greeting card, maybe one of those little slightly pornographic cards you get at adult stores.

    I hope, that since you Are now married, you have some basics of communication with each other... but that's a hope. You should be able to talk to your husband about anything and most of all about your sexual relationship.
     
  3. FallNAngel

    FallNAngel ...destroyer of threads...

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    "So last night when we were with each other, I was thinking it'd be really hot if _______ , what do you think?"

    Sounds pretty straightforward to me...
     
  4. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    :werd:


    However.. i have found that a lot of people..... a LOT of people have a problem being straight forward....
     
  5. aex

    aex New Member

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    I'm really, really good at dancing around what I want to say. I haven't had a lot of occasion to talk about sexual things, so I'm just not really sure where to start. It always seems like it will be a little bit weird and one of those "Phew! I'm glad we got that over with and can talk about something else now" conversations - especially if I just bring it up out of nowhere, with no context.
     
  6. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    He's your husband. You need to be abel to talk confidently and openly about sex. if he's a red blooded male, he'll respond positively to just you being confident and talking sex.
     
  7. dumb_end_user

    dumb_end_user Sad Gus

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    Do NOT "dance around" what you have to say.

    I speak for all males and will say that we fucking hate that. We are not mind readers. We do not understand chick-speak.

    /rant

    Do not wait until you are in the throes of passion to bring this up. Do not beat around the bush. Do not hint. If you do these things all you are doing is setting him up to fail. If you two do not have a clear understanding of expectations how can you expect to accomplish anything.

    Ok, so now I guess /rant
     
  8. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    motherfucking DOT

    you're married to this person, if you can't communicate effectively with them now start writing the divorce papers.

    men, no matter how intelligent or empathic do not understand subtle hints. we are not women, we do not think like women, we do not share your brain patterns, brain chemistry, body chemistry, gender bias, societal norms or way of thinking. we can not learn to think like you, our brains are built differently, our way of thinking was shaped differently and our value systems are different.

    look your man in the eye the next time you just finished dinner and say "i would love it if you did XYZ in the bedroom" after his response you can offer to show him right then and there what you'd like.

    if he doesn't get hard he's gay, get a divorce or get a boyfriend. :mamoru:
     
  9. aex

    aex New Member

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    I actually thought you were a chick up until I read this. :hsughno:


    Tonight will be the first time we've gotten to really see each other for any length of time while both being awake since Saturday morning, and I'm planning to tell him how I feel. :x:
     
  10. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Agreed. You need to hit a guy over the head. They do NOT do subtle. If you try to subtly bring something up, you will just become frustrated because it is VERY unlikely that he will ever catch on.

    As others have mentioned, you need to communicate it OUTSIDE of a sexual context.

    Now there are a few problems that I can see occuring. First off, you have only been married two months. He could interpret your comments as you not being happy with your currently sexual dynamic and relationship. You might have to reassure him that this is not the case.

    Second, I hear you saying that you can not figure out how to sit down and talk to him about it; that it feels awkward and difficult. I know that one very well. I have found that sometimes an email works well when I am not really feeling I can verbalize things or that I am embarrassed or do not know how to bring it up. An email allows you to hide behind your words and allows you to read over what you want to say BEFORE sending it out. At the end of the email, it would be good to conclude it with 'it would be great for us to sit down and talk about whether you are interested in this idea and how we can incorporate it into our relationship.' That will get the topic out in the open but allow you to hide initially. :)

    Good Luck :)
     
  11. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    I am. :mamoru:
     
  12. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Ah, the joys of being a [FONT=&quot]Hermaphrodit. I'm Male, no, wait, Female...nope, Male again :mamoru:

    EDIT: Weird Font Change....
    [/FONT]
     
  13. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    much funnier when i fuck myself.
     
  14. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    It is great when you can be self-sufficient
     
  15. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    loopback.jpg
     
  16. aex

    aex New Member

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    I am SOOO confused. :wtc:


    Hubby and I were talking the other day. I jokingly told him to "Suck a giant dick." and he said "I'd suck mine if I could" and I said, "Fuck you" - "I'd do that to myself too, if I could." My gem of a comeback was "If somebody had a penis and a vagina and could fuck themself, would they have a girl orgasm, or a guy orgasm, or both?" :eek3:
     
  17. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    combination boy/girl. feels good man.
     
  18. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Switch back and forth. Good to have variety
     
  19. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    Good luck aex, hopefully the vanilla suggestions that he really isn't into trying for you doesn't mean that he won't be willing to try the more kinky suggestions.
     
  20. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    :werd: it's damned hot when she initiates. I've gotta pull my wifes ideas out of her head like they were teeth. The few times she's started it, or come right out and said it, it was damn hot. :x:
     
  21. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    you're... wait, what?!
     
  22. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    :rofl::rofl:


    I love it when he messes with people....
     
  23. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    Ok, confusion over... Tigre, you rat bastard :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  24. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I can't believe people believed the comments :rofl::rofl: I thought our conversation was rather obvious :mamoru:
     
  25. aex

    aex New Member

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    I'll keep that in mind. Hopefully it's a somewhat universal guy-thing. I haven't had time to talk to him between our schedules being crazy and him getting sick.






    I give up on TigreTek. :wtc: I'm just going to accept whatever he/she/it says he/she/it is on an individual post basis.
     

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