SRS How to get rid of this girl in a nice way (LONG)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by crunchy_black, Sep 29, 2005.

  1. crunchy_black

    crunchy_black OT Supporter

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    I dated this girl for about 6 months, broke up with her.. Then we got back together but never officially (so i could see other people + didnt have to care as much) We've been in that state for 8 months or so

    She is a wonderful and emotinaly girl. Her emotions are what i liked about her so much... but then after 2 abortions and her getting raped. It fucked up her head alot. More than i can understand.
    Before that shit happend, she was unhappy somtimes (just very moody)
    She told me of days were she would just get pissed, cut her self. Wake up in the back yard (crap like that)

    She is pretty, (abit big, but pretty still) has a loving family. Is studying some hospitality course..

    As of late we had a few arguments, and she said that we should have abit of a break. I replied "Thats a good idea Alison"
    I thought things were ok.. then i get emails like this

    Wow i just got another one..
    Its been about 6 months since her abortion, 3 months since she was raped.
    I thought she would be alot better now.. she doesnt come over and cry all the time at least.. but its still not good enough :wtc:

    The reason she likes me so much is because she cant turn to anyone else when she is really upset. Her friends arent big on talking about stuff like this + im the only one that knows about the things that have happend to her ( maybe some of her friends when she has been pissed, she would of said stuff, but how can they handle it?)
    :sadwavey:


    Pic of me and girl :bigthumb: pissed at her 21st party
    [​IMG]
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Your gf needs love.Which should be coming from you. Her life has so far only been filled with darkness and hatred although im not sure who is to blame for that anyway, she having 2 abortions and getting raped is enough to let anyone go insane, since you are a guy you might not be in touch with the whole idea of what an emotional crisis and being sexually violated has for an impact on a woman,and the grieve that comes along with losing 2 children. And to be honest i would re-direct her immediatly to the best phsychiatric clinic around the block.

    You know your gf really loves you, you are her last straw. If you put more darkness and hatred(for instance by arguing) Then she will commit suicide and die,because she basically already indicates that you are her last straw, and she wants to be happy with you.

    Carefull carefull carefull, she needs tenderness and things like yelling,and screaming at her are out of the question. There are basically two options or both, which one is. Be there for her , and guide her to a phsychiatric clinic to get help and give her all the love she needs. Second guide her to a psychiatric clinic and get out of her life for she is clearly not stable enough to be in a relationship.
     
  3. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    you're trying to do things in a "nice way" to ease your peace of mind.

    it's as selfish as the stereotypical woman that wants to "remain friends".

    There is no "nice way" to get rid of someone, aside from moving across the nation. You are going to rock her world (and not the toe curling type).

    So, do the right thing, and do it clean. You don't have to be a dick, but regardless of how you do it, she's gonna get hurt.
     
  4. crunchy_black

    crunchy_black OT Supporter

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    She is seeing a phsychiatrist currently.. every couple of weeks as they are expensive, and she earns shit all. She would never accept money from me, being that type of person.
    When we argue, we dont yell, or abuse each other. It's just silly little things. I dont get aggressive, she does sometimes but its laughable and she feels bad about it 2 mintues later.


    I frist broke up with her when she moved to her parents house and i felt releived, free of burden as she was using me in a way to escape the shitty people she was living with. I just want her to be stable with out her depending on me, then i think i will be able to break off 100% once i know that..

    im lost =/
     
  5. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    the only real way to get her stable without depending upon you, is for her to decide to get that way. which will most likely only happen if she is unable to depend upon you.

    regardless of what you do, she is still in control of her own fate/destiny (mental illnesses not withstanding). We have all been in sitations where we may have even professed "undying love, and I can't live without you drama".

    Similarily, most of us have had a series of bad experiences thrust upon us where we feel we simply can't go on another day.

    Yet, the sun sets, and then rises again, and we find that we have gone on another day.

    regardless of what she does in handling the breakup, it's her will, or lack thereof that will be responsible for those actions she takes.

    Again, part of your hangup is your own concience, and the drive to be nice.

    I'm not proposing you be a dick, or intentionally hurtful. But don't delude yourself into thinking that there's an easy/happy way out of this. Yes, eventually there may, and most likely will be a happiness for both of you. But change is painful, especially in the short run.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I think you need to stop dating/semi-dating/half-heartedly dating her.

    I don't think she should be dating anyone right now, she's not capable of it. She's got a lot of work to do. Try just being a friend.

    Look into free counselling, or state counselling programs for her. If she's going to school, inquire at the school.

    Oh and about being a friend...it might be better if you just went away. Yes, she'll no doubt HATE you for it, because she won't understand why. Your presence and the mixed-up chaotic love history between you just diverts her from really tackling the issues she has.

    You're familiar with the phrase "killing with kindness"? Be aware that your continued lingering presence is not necessarily good for her.

    It would be ok if you two were truly able to be platonic friends, i.e. support-only, but in her situation, that's just about impossible. You're making her re-live trauma with your half-hearted presence.

    It's not your fault, it's ENTIRELY YOUR prerogative who you choose to date.

    But that also makes it impossible for you to be the loving, PLATONIC, supportive friend she needs at this moment.
    It's better for her to develop her support resources OUTSIDE of you.

    Part of learning to grow up and stand on your own two feet...is doing just that. Standing on your own two feet. She's got to WANT to grow up. She needs to develop a friends network outside of dating contexts.

    Think about it.
     

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