How to get rid of my girlfriend’s ex bf

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by 72SSAbody, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. 72SSAbody

    72SSAbody New Member

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    I’ve been seeing this girl that I ran into last summer and things have been going well….all except for the ex boyfriend.



    My gf and I have a history (no, not that kind of history…one where we were friends first) together that dates back to high school. I had the biggest crush on her then but my best friend was dating her at the time.



    I hadn’t seen her from my senior year of HS until this summer. That was 8 years ago (I’m showing my age here).



    We both went off to college in different directions and started careers etc. and we just happened to meet by coincidence one night during a summer weekend while I was visiting a friend before he went on active duty. Things kicked off great and we were getting along great. But…..



    For the last couple of weeks I would try to get ahold of her at her house and on her cell phone. She would never call me back until 8 or 9 o’clock at night (we live 3 hours away from one another and I see her on the weekends). So I confronted her about it and she admitted that her old controlling boyfriend was giving her the sob story and telling her that he would commit suicide if she didn’t come over and see him. I told her, “Great! Let the asshole knock himself off!” She didn’t like that though so I asked her some more questions about him and why she felt obligated to help him.



    She also told me that he has been following us around when we were together and that’s the reason she doesn’t like to go out on the weekends with me and do normal couple “out and about” stuff (for fear that I would pistol whip the mother fucker to a bloody pulp…which I would).



    She doesn’t seem to want to get any restraining order nor do I think that she could as he has never done any harm to her or me.



    I believe what my gf has told me about him and his actions towards us. I love this girl to death and I wouldn’t doubt if she’s the one, but it’s this idiot that has me second guessing what our intentions for one another are and what our future together is going to be.



    So I guess my questions are: 1.) Has anyone been in this situation before and what did you do? 2.) How do I help my gf realize that all she needs in life right now is herself, myself, my family and her family? And she doesn’t need this jerk pulling these kinds of stunts.



    I can’t believe she dated this guy for 6 years!



    BTW, she’s two years older than me (if that makes a difference) and the ex bf is 6 years older than me.



    CliffNotes: How do I get rid of my gf’s ex bf w/o beating his ass to a pulp & going to pound me in the ass prison??
     
  2. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    This guy is manipulating her. He was obviously unstable long before they were together for him to be reacting this way towards their break up. She needs to recognize this and that she is not to blame for his current unstable condition due to their relationship termination. He was already crazy and needs help.

    She owes this guy one thing - a phone call to human social services to report that he is suicidal (the statistics of males who threaten suicide and actually follow through is drastically higher than that of all the women who cry wolf). Other than that, there is nothing else she can do and by continuing communication with him, she is instilling false hope in his mind that they will one day reunite.

    It is rare that exs can be friends, and in this situation, friends is NOT what he wants.
     
  3. 72SSAbody

    72SSAbody New Member

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    I guess I just need to talk with her this weekend.

    She's a beautiful girl and admits that he's crazy and she's glad she's not dating him anymore, but I'm just going to have to lay down the law and say its either me or him.

    Its not her fault he acts like this, but she also needs to understand my needs/wants from the relationship.

    I'm glad that she admitted this to me, but at the same time I'm pissed that I had to confront her about it.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Talk about it, but don't make any crazy demands or statements ("I insist you stop seeing him OR ELSE" type of thing).

    The more restraint and maturity you can show in this situation, the further ahead you will be. Restraint doesn't mean being a pushover though. Restraint = being mature and firm.

    If she's as great as girl as you think, she will do the right thing here. If not...well there you have it.

    These things tend to sort themselves out quite well, if you don't interfere with the natural order.
     
  5. Repost

    Repost PENCIL DICK

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    I have a similar situation.

    Except he's not threatening to do anything, he just keeps in contact with her. It's not too bad, you might say, however, the first text message I saw (that he sent her) said "Sorry, I was only flirting because you're a great girl and I thought you were single".

    She keeps telling me they're only friends etc. But I'm still not too comfortable with it, especially as he's a faggot.
     
  6. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    She has got to want him to leave her alone for good. There is no redeeming him, she cant save him from his mental problems. Until she realizes this nothing will change (unless you kill him heh).

    She should just let him kill himself though. If he wants to threaten to commit suicide, he should just do it, those people are weak anyway. Most likely its just posturing crap to try and get her back through sympathy.

    My SO's ex is a crazy fuckwit like this, except he's pretty well left her alone finally at this point, but she also does everything she can to have zero contact with him at all. That's probably what your GF needs to do.

    Personally though if the guy ever showed up causing shit I wouldnt hesitate to beat the shit out of him either. (no killing, not worth jail time over some crazy asshole).
     
  7. Rizion

    Rizion New Member

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    :ugh:
     
  8. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    beautiful office space reference...:bigthumb:

    sadly enough, there's really nothing you can do in these situations, and if you try to do anything, it will just make you seem like an insecure jealous assholy =\

    The best thing you can do is just always be supportive of her, when she talks about him, and how he makes her feel bad, focus on the fact (in agreeing with her) that she doesn't need that kinda drama in her life...make it seem like her idea by just confirming her thoughts.

    good luck
     
  9. Trina

    Trina New Member

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    I had an ex like this. I also had close friends on the police department who gave him a serious "warning" about messing with me. He quietly disappeared.
     
  10. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    It is your GF's responsibilty to cut her ties with him. She is keepin the ties, she is keepin him around. You have nada to do with this. Its her problem that she isnt ready to walk away from....that would make me worry.
     

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