SRS How to get over a resentment?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Killuminati, Sep 9, 2007.

  1. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    (my bro was accidentaly on my username about the thread with the baby)

    A former best friend and girlfriend (same person) fucked me over really really really bad. I feel like she has ruined my life for a period of time... Sometimes I feel like I hate her for what she did and sometimes I remember all the great times and it's not so bad.

    In other facets of my life if someone fucks me over I fuck them over unless I forgive them. And in order to forgive them they have to make some effort. I don't know if I can just let things go.

    The thing is she has not even tried to make it up to me. The only reason I don't hurt her as much as she hurt me is because I still care about her even though what she did to me. But I"m starting to care about her less and less.

    How the hell do I just forgive her if she makes no effort to make amends? Sometimes, I want to ruin her life like she ruined mine. It's like I cannot just let it go. It has been 6 months now and all we have done is argued since that point she fucked me over.

    I feel like I can either just forgive her or fuck her over. (sometimes I feel horrible about thinking that way)
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2007
  2. FredricaBimmel

    FredricaBimmel Great big fat person

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    Will fucking her over make you feel any better in the long run? I doubt it because you will be just an ass as she was to you.

    Be the better person and show her and everyone else that you are above her. Seperate yourself from her completely and show her you don't care about anything she has to offer you anymore.
     
  3. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    what did she do to you.
     
  4. QueenOfHearts

    QueenOfHearts New Member

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    If it's incredibly bad to the point of Social Anxiety, you don't want to be a server.
    That would send you in to panic mode within 20 minutes.

    Go for a prescription and hope you're not an addictive type.
     
  5. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    We just got in a huge argument..... She is mad I keep bringing up the past but I am not yet over it..... She thinks I should get over it, but that is hard to do w hen you are the one that got fucked over. I have almost a hate hate relationship with her now.
     
  6. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    It is very hard for me. I was at a very low point in my life when I met her... IF it wasn't for meeting her I knwo I would be in jail or dead right now.
     
  7. Seto Kaiba

    Seto Kaiba Screw the rules I have money!

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    i would really just leave her and move on
     
  8. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Forgive her and let it go.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You have to tell us what she did that was so horrible.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Her being good in the past isn't a justification for being allowed to hurt you in the future. Clearly it isn't a big deal for her, so what i would do if i where you is put her saving your ass in the past to cancel out the bad thing she did to you in the future, that way you can even out these two events,forgive her, and leave her for what she is, so you can move on with your life.
     
  11. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    In another thread another dude posted this.
    "I remember hugging you for the first time. I remember everything about you, the way you smelled, how your voice sounded and I could hear your heartbeat from miles away. I felt as if I was a part of you."

    That is exactly how I felt about her. We were in a very deep relationship I know we loved each other very much, it seems almost too much sometimes... The chemistry we had and the way we clicked was almost too good to be true. Our relationship was just on a level that I don't think either of us had been on. We both worked in the same office so we saw each other ALL the time. I beleive that the greatest relationship is one where your partner brings out the best in you. This is exactly what we did. I know we both felt exactly the same way about each other. She used to cry to me all the time because she was so happy with our relationship. Her 2 kids even started to call me Dad.... Our friendship was just fucking amazing. It was almost like we could read each other's minds we were that close. This chick is married. She was/is in a really bad marriage. Please do not flame me I know it was wrong. Her husband was home like 3 days out of the month he works offshore.

    A week before she fucked me over we were "together" and she started crying uncontrollably telling me how much she loved me and how she didn't think anyone ever loved her as much as I did. And how she wanted to be with me forever, etc etc...

    A day before my birthday she told me that she thought it would be best if we ended things because she was feeling guilty and wanted to work things out with her husband...... And you know this hurt me but not as bad as what happened next. Later on in the week I found out the day after she had told me that (which was my fucking birthday) she was over at some other guy's house that she had known for about a fucking month. WTF, I'm pretty sure they did not have sex but I COMPLETELY trusted this girl. I felt like when she lied to me she was threw our entire relationship/friendship out of the window. I could not believe it. She says that my relationship with her was the best she had ever had in her life (and I think that's true). How the hell can she just throw that away like that?

    I feel like a lost a soulmate, a girlfriend, the best friend i have had in my entire life, and 2 great little girls. Since that happened I have never looked at her the same way and it is like she is completely different.

    I could understand why she was messing around on her husband because they had a terrible marriage but everything was perfect with us, why would she fuck me over? It was the best relationship either of us had ever had why would she do that. Usually when someone fucks you over like that there is something wrong in the relationship, but I see absolutely NOTHING. That is why it hurts so bad. It was so unexpected our relationship was almost too perfect. Almost too good. She fucking asked me if I would be a stepdad to her kids and if I would marry her (she was planning on getting a divorce).

    Do you think its possible we were too close? Is that even possible? All she can say is she made a mistake. Sometimes when we talk she cries and cries saying how we had the best relationship in her whole life but look at us now. We have been arguing for the past 6 months. I have not let go I constantly throw the past back in her face but it is not like she is trying to make right what she did either.

    What the fuck went wrong? How the hell can I forgive her if she doesn't even try to make amends. How can someone just fuck over someone they love so fucking much.
     
  12. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I don't know that I can forgive her. I just feel like I need to know why she did that. And it's like she doesn't have an answer.

    (and for those who read my post a year ago in the Vaginarium about her you guys were partially right she did HURT me, but it was not because she was married it was because she lied to me)
     
  13. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    We talked and we are gonna try to make this work I have to get rid of this resentment somehow. This is the last chance I am giving her.
     
  14. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Make WHAT work?

    You're trying to salvage a relationship with a chick that's been maybe cheating on you, while she's been cheating on her husband WITH you for around a year?

    Am I missing something?
     
  15. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Oh no I don't want to be with her anymore not like that. I just want to be friends.
     
  16. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I just don't know how I can forgive her if she doesn't make an effort to make amends with me.
     
  17. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    Dude, wake up. She is not a great person. She had her KIDS calling YOU dad!!!! They had a hard working father supporting them working a tough job, his wife was a cheating bitch, cheating on him with YOU, and you think she's a great person?

    So you're mad at her because she ended the affair? Is that what I'm reading? What do you want her to do for you? Divorce her husband?

    Stop talking to her. Period. She is a bad person. No offense, but you got what was coming to you.

    Stop talking to her, don't be friends with her, just stop.
     
  18. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    Self perpetuating regret isn't going to cure your resentment understand something. The only thing that will "fix" you is by forgetting about the past because each second looking at the past is a minute that you can't look into the future.

    while I could go into detail why you feel the way you feel. Others have already covered it from what I read so I don't need to beat a dead horse. just know the reason she isn't communicating a firm apology is because she isn't sorry.

    Sorry man but its the truth think about it, your willing and she's not how many seconds do you think it would take for her to just say and be honest about it "sorry". Not long.

    Your putting in all this time on a girl that is so far from you. Stop because there are other doors open for you. Going down the road your going down will land you a one way ticket to a rectangular seat talking to some guy that's giving you a lot of "uh huh's" while playing tick-tack-toe.
     
  19. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Dude, forgive yourself for getting involved with the situation in the firstplace, because that's some shit right there...

    And then run. Leave it all behind you. Do not contact her, do not try to be friends with her. Just say fuck it and walk away.
     
  20. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    I'm trying to practice what I preach, but people are just not nice. I don't really know how to put it, but good people are always subject to the whims of others -- who are most likely unstable. You deserve to be with someone better than that -- we all do.

    Could you honestly look at her the same if you two were to make amends? Don't you think you would still have this "other" view of her, no matter what she did to try and change it?
     
  21. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Serious question, Kill:

    Putting aside all the stuff about who did what, who all was cheating whatever...

    Why, in general, would you want to be friends with someone who fucked you over in a big way?

    I say, if a person fucks me over in a big way, they lose their opportunity to be my friend.

    EDIT: Ad a word of advice...don't trust someone who cheats and complains about a marriage/relationship, but doesn't get out of it. If the relationship was really that bad, she would have left the husband.

    Every guy (her husband, you, the new guy) got used by this women. I would not be surprised if this is a pattern of behavior for her. She loves the new attention, but when it gets old, ends it and goes after someone new.
     
  22. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I don't know man. I just feel like I need to forgive her, I've forgiven people for fucked up shit in the past but they are the ones who tried to make amends.

    It's like I can't let it go I feel like to get over this resentment of her that I have to forgiver her. I kinda feel used and I kinda don't, I mean I know what we had was very real...
     
  23. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I don't know man it's like I almost refuse to believe she is a horrible person. I just do not want to think that. Like, how could I be so wrong about a person for a fucking year. Our relationship was just so fucking unbeleivable how am I supposed to forget that.
     
  24. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I do not know if I could look at her the same. I just don't want to think she is just used me you know?

    Anyways this is the last chance I am giving her. period.
     
  25. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    I know I could never look at my ex the same, though in my dream world I would forgive and then go back to how we were in our prime, but that's just not possible. I'm not one to forget the things that she has done to me.

    The best thing you can do is get angry. Anger is exponentially more productive than depression because you (I can at least) channel it into something productive.

    I blame myself for not seeing the warning signs earlier and not having more respect for myself. This is something that, in the future, I hope to improve. Self-respect and service to others is the source of much confusion and often times I think I (and probably you) step into the "hero" role. FUCK that. I'll help my friends, but I will not become attracted to someone because I think I'm helping them lead a better life. It bites me in the ass every time.

    This is therapeutic for me, so I'm sorry if it doesn't provide some support, but I really hope that it opens you up to new ways of looking at this problem.
     

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