How to gain confidence in myself, so i can start dating

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by quamen, Jun 16, 2009.

  1. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    I have low self esteem in myself, when i know i shouldn't but it is affecting my dating life. I have gotten numerous girls numbers without even asking for them, but i have failed to follow up with them. I always put myself down and feel like i'm not good looking enough, successful enough, but mainly i feel like my looks why would that hot girl want to go out with me. Then it starts to spiral into other feeling of low self esteem and i cant seem to break this habit of thinking.

    I most likely missed out on alot of good opportunity's to meet nice girls, but didn't make a move. A girl called me tonight who i met at a party last week and wants to go out, but i just feel like any of these cute girls are always out of my range.
     
  2. Dargone

    Dargone Noob

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    Why do you feel this way? You are getting numbers and a girl called you! I would say, if anything, you should be confident. There is probably a deeper issue here. Have you had some bad experiences? Or has this been a lifelong problem?
     
  3. TuopaT2008

    TuopaT2008 New Member

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    Alcohol.
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    People here will say you need to work on yourself: take up hobbies, make friends, et cetera.

    I agree that you need to work on yourself. Work on yourself by taking "risks" with women. Work on yourself by approaching girls for sex. Work on yourself by flirting as awkwardly as it may be at first. Accept that it is a learning process like any other learning process. Whenever possible remove your ego from the situation and just soak in the experience. That's how you "work on yourself."

    Getting hobbies will just make you good at getting hobbies, lifting weights will make you good at lifting weights, making friends will make you good at making friends... only hitting on, flirting with, and seducing women will make you good at hitting on, flirting with, and seducing women (aka "being attractive" aka "just being yourself" aka "being confident").
     
  5. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    It should stand to reason that if a girl calls YOU, she's definitely not out of your range (unless she's 'beneath' your range in your mind... but based on your post I doubt that's the case).

    Quit yer bitchin' and go out with her/them! There are many guys out there who would kill to be in your position -- being handed numbers without asking, having girls call them, etc.
     
  6. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Agreed, but in his case I'd say he's already attractive to girls, he's just not good at taking a hint and letting himself go in social situations one-on-one with girls.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Actually I think we agree on both counts. He needs to take risks, fall down to get up - all those old cliches.
     
  8. paranoidandroid

    paranoidandroid New Member

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    you're over thinking it. going out with girls is fun. even if you aren't good enough, who cares? if you were about to go down a waterslide would you ask yourself if you are good enough for the waterslide? no. just have fun and stop thinking so internally. also, get a hobby so that you don't become reliant on girls for fun. neediness is a turn off. when you are on the date, think "waterslides" and just relax and enjoy yourself.
     
  9. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Let me guess, your dad used to call you ugly and good for nothing.
     
  10. Dargone

    Dargone Noob

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    ^^^
    Gets it
     
  11. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    is there more to it then what you're telling us?

    girls are approaching YOU. calling YOU.

    are you afraid of what would happen if you did go on a date..... i hope i dont hurt your feelings, but..... are you lacking in certain areas that make you freak out of the "what if"?
     
  12. Dargone

    Dargone Noob

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    Yeah, that's what I'm wondering? The guy has girls calling him, so he must not be hideously unattractive?
     
  13. NightyNight

    NightyNight OT Supporter

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    Call 'em back. Have the mentality that everyone wants to fuck you, because you're so goddamn hot. Just trust yourself dude, or you wouldn't have girls giving you their number and calling you. If you use any sort of drug disclaim that please, because it could very well be the cause. Lots of substances cause people to lock up in a state of paranoia.

    If not...maybe you're gay? :dunno:
     
  14. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    no not at all, i guess from the past i just seemed to strike out alot. I believe i started getting more numbers because i have been working out for the past 2 years and really changed myself for the best, but i don't know. another thing that bothers me and really embarrasses myself, is my living situation. I graduated from college with a BA degree and cant get a decent paying job. I own my own business and make good seasonal money but the season is short. I am 27 and still live at home with my parents, because of my financial situation. I cant afford to live on my own, with the student loan payments i have to make which sucks. My goal is to get a job and buy a small starter home, because i dont want to rent an apartment, seems like a waste of money. I live in PA and the homes are very cheap as well as taxes.

    I have plenty of other hobbies that keep me busy, I just feel all the time that im not good enough and good looking enough to take out these cute girls i see or the ones that gave me numbers.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2009
  15. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Talk to a therapist. I try not to tell people to get counseling, but you sound like you have your shit together and even have girls going after you, yet you are still feeling like shit. Sounds to me like you've got some issues to work through.
     
  16. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    There was a thread where a guy was in a similar living situation and he worried about it for days before his date. The girl talked the entire date and his situation never even came up. Does anyone remember the title of the thread? I looked quickly and can't find it.

    As far as the confidence: write down everything you have to offer someone and do not write down anything negative. Keep building your list until you know exactly what women see in you. You have to know your strengths in order to sell them whether it be a hookup, dating or a relationship.
     
  17. Sh4dow5

    Sh4dow5 New Member

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    Dude just go for the score with these girls. Have some confidence. Girls from PA normally seem pretty easy from my experience.
     

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