How to enjoy being single?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by interstate, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. interstate

    interstate New Member

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    Here's a quick story of the last few years of my life.

    I had a lot of good friends.. Most of us were single.
    OVer the course of 2 years, most of my friends either fell off, moved away or got married.
    I've dated a lot, had a lot of fun, but am still single with no sign of that changing anytime soon.

    Now I find myself spending most of my time on my own. I'm sick of dating and kind of taking a break from it for a while, however, I often get bored/lonely which leads to being depressed because I don't have a steady girlfriend or wife.

    It's a huge catch 22 for me. I haven't met anyone I want to get very serious with, so I don't want to date much anymore, yet I find myself being lonely because I'm not dating anyone.

    I'm trying to find a way to be happy and not worry about never meeting the right girl, but I can't find anything that works.

    I'd appreciate any insight any of you may have.
     
  2. spirited driver

    spirited driver New Member

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    I went throught this same shit two years ago, I'm 24 now. I think human beings generally want what we can't or don't have. Of course, losing friends and or having them get serious with their girls doesn't help, but ultimately, if you think you're better off without a girl/relationship, then at this stage in your life, you probably are... Just try to find things to occupy your time and keep your thoughts from straying. Try not to think too much about the past, or worry about the future, just deal with and have fun with whatever you're into right now. Shit always seems to work out when you stop thinking it through so much... This is a very brief summation of what helped me-
     
  3. I'm in the same boat as you OP, but I seem to spend a lot of time reading PUA stuff, because it humors me, I highly doubt I will ever use it, but it seems genuinely good to read and enjoy. Other than that I spend a ton of time with my car and don't do much else. It keeps me occupied what can I say?
     
  4. interstate

    interstate New Member

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    I'm 23 right now.. This has been going on for a little over a year. In about a year period, all 3 of my closest friends got married and doing the married thing. ONe pair even has a kid already..

    I think what makes it hard is that all of my friends are gone or busy most of the time, so I really don't have anyone to hang out with unless we all manage to get together and hang out, which happens about once a month.

    I'd like to make some new friends, but I'm pretty introverted around people I don't know well, and I don't even know where to meet new people at my age.. It's just frustrating, I feel abandoned by everyone. I guess it's just a harsh reality of growing up..
     
  5. I lost all of my good friends in the past 6-7 months, I'm basically down to myself, and a few older friends who have lives and wives, but I'm trying to get out of this hole I made for myself, and it seems to be an up and down battle at times.
     
  6. interstate

    interstate New Member

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    I know how you feel.. It's the same for me. I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom. Can't make new friends.. Rarely see the old ones. Can't meet the right girl.. Don't really want to waste my time/money dating anymore when nothing ever works out well.
     
  7. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Friend With Benefits :dunno:

    Always works for me. I never get lonely and am very very picky about who I get into relationships with so I usually go a long time being single, but love being single.
     
  8. I hear it gets better when you get older, though I doubt it. I just seem to want to figure a better way around this, but it fails, so I'm eager to hear what people's responses are to your thread.
     
  9. spirited driver

    spirited driver New Member

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    Well, again, you have the whole past/future thing going on too much, and you need to break out of that mindset first and foremost. I'm not trying to sound all mystical or anything, but
    Example a: Can't make new friends.. Rarely see the old ones. You're living in the past although you may not be trying to. Your old friends are gone, at least in the sense of how your old friendships used to be, and you must accept this. You probably can't, or think you can't, make new friends because you are trying to make friendships that are exactly like your old ones, the ones familiar to you, the ones you miss. Again, that is in the past, and new friendships are all around you, they may just look or seem unfamiliar at first. Recognize this!
    Example b: Can't meet the right girl.. Don't really want to waste my time/money dating anymore when nothing ever works out well. Here, concentrating too much on the future. Sure you may not be meeting the girl you think is right for you, and many girls/relationships can be wastes of many things, but at least you are still young, probably healthy, and can still impress girls without trying too hard. Imagine when you're 70- you think it'll be that easy? Appreciate the present, and what youth brings!
     
  10. Malakius

    Malakius Guest

    You have my same age. I pictured you older. I also went through that stage when I was around 22, but didn't quite care about that.
     
  11. interstate

    interstate New Member

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    I have a few of these. While it was cool at first, I'm getting sick of it. I'd really rather have a fulfilling relationship.
     
  12. interstate

    interstate New Member

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    The problem is that it's hard to meet new friends where I live. I've never seen such a cliquey place. At least half the population is mormon, which I am not.

    I have a lot of hobbies, but I can't find ways to meet new people doing them. I'm into art (Drawing, painting), yet I can't find any artist groups. When I lived in FL, I met cool people and hung out. Here it's as if things like that doesn't exist.

    The average marriage age is 20 here, compared to about 25 in most other states. Many people my age are married (like most of my friends), which cuts down on the people I can meet even more.

    I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but it really is very difficult around here. I could probably do better, but I don't even know where to go to meet new people, since it seems most of the things to do around here are family/couple oriented.

    I just moved to a different city a few months ago, and will be attending two new schools.. hopefully I can find something there. My last college was lame as far as non-class related activities go..
     
  13. Jackie Treehorn

    Jackie Treehorn Active Member

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    I'd move the F out of Utah to start. Sorry if that sounds crass, but it doesn't really sound like you fit in amongst the rest of craz...uh, population.
     
  14. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    Not that I suffer from it, but I find the best method to avoiding sinking feelings of loneliness is to keep yourself busy. Work (although that should be taken in healthy doses), school, your hobbies, that project that has been sitting on the shelf forever, and so forth.

    Personally speaking, I've been single for many years. I prefer it (although if I were to get into a situation with a person, I can handle that as well & if not, well back to normality). I am used to it and it's all I know so I find no reason to change what has become comfortable. It's like a warm blanket.

    You said you had an interest in drawing/painting; why not visit somewhere that deals in this particular area? Look up a studio to see if they have shows coming up, local schools could have some displays, and as silly as it may seem, look through the yellow pages to search for particular things relating to your interests. Rather than trying to seek people, visit and frequent the areas that pertain to your interests and you will come across others of similar backgrounds and interests.

    And more importantly, speak to everyone. Doesn't matter if they are the guy at the newspaper stand or the person next to you at the bar when you're having a drink or watching a game. Most people are so wrapped up in their own worlds, they don't speak up and sometimes that initiative has to be taken by you then it can flow easier.
     

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