SRS how to deal with jealousyh

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cooldragon, Oct 15, 2009.

  1. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    i am new to the whole relationship thing and i just had had a few questions.

    my grilfriend likes to go out to the city and hang out with her best friend. i really dont care but the one thing is her friend likes to hang out with alot of guys all the time. Last time my gf went they hung out with 2 guys that her friend knew. I didnt really like that but i guess its not that big of a deal.

    she is going again today and they are going to meet with her friends boyfriend and possibly other guys but she doesnt know. I asked her i could join her and she just says ah no. and i asked her why and she says cause she is hanging out with her friend and i dont need to come. i really couldnt go but just wanted to know why its a big deal if i go. It just seems shady to me and from knowing her friend who moves from one boyfriend to another.

    i know i shouldnt ask her too many questions and be jealous but it bothers the crap out of me. we dont spend alot of time together i c her maybe once or twice a week and i make more plans but she is busy. But when it comes to going to the city with her friend its no big deal. That makes me more mad. i dont know if i should just let it go or just not deal with the headache...
     
  2. Gannon

    Gannon Guest

    tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable because you can't trust her around other guys, or the guys around her. Then leave
     
  3. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2002
    Messages:
    64,128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philly, PA
    If a girl is going to cheat she's going to cheat no matter what, you just have to trust her till she gives you a reason not to. Telling her not to hang out with other guys is just going to piss her off.
     
  4. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    do you all let your girlfriend hang out with other guys. do u guys care if she does? I guess i dont like it but its true she was saying why are u asking me so many questions about everything and to me i just want to know who it is. it seems like nothing is a secret except when she hangs out with her friends and her guy friends
     
  5. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2000
    Messages:
    29,769
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Canada
    what do you mean "let" ? do you really have control over someone's actions ? Unless it's your pet. Stop caring about it unless she gives you a reason to be worried or find a gf who won't do this.
     
  6. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    If she's not willing to include you with her friends, she's really not worth having around. Seriously.
     
  7. R6Tuan

    R6Tuan OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2004
    Messages:
    712
    Likes Received:
    0
    yeah, i agree. if i go sumwhere n theres guys n girls i invite my gf and vise versa. unless its boys nite out or my gf has girls nite out then we both understand and theres never a problem.
    u need to talk to ur gf seriously man
     
  8. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2002
    Messages:
    64,128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philly, PA
    Well it depends if she never wants you going out with her and her friends, yeah something is shady I'd drop her...but its not healthy to spend every minute of the day together either it is nice to have your own separate lives.
     
  9. 9c1 driver

    9c1 driver New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2009
    Messages:
    248
    Likes Received:
    0
    She wants a boyfriend and she wants to hang out with other guys and you can't go...run away dude
     
  10. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2009
    Messages:
    924
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah fuck her once more then leave. She's being an ass hole. To tell you you can't come out with her and her friend is fucking weird. She's trying to either hide you from them or keep shit from you. Enjoy the last fuck and leave. You don't want to deal with that.
     
  11. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    i didnt talk to her all day the whole day she went. i am surprised she didnt call either. i am just going to ask how everything went and what she did and why couldnt i come.

    the one thing is this is the first time this has happened where she said i couldnt come but it is still not right. she said she was hanging out with her girl so i dont need to come. understandable but her friend is not tooo great. she has been with so many guys its not even funny. i guess if she cant give me a straight answer than its done. though part of me thinks its overreacting
     
  12. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest


    I made that recommendation b/c she seems to going out of her way to keep him at a distance. ;)
     
  13. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    its been 2 days since i have been in contact with her. I didnt call or text her since she went out with her friend. she hasnt called or texted me either. I have been freaking out with all kinds of thoughts but i think im done. i am surprised she hasnt called or anything but in a way i am not..

    I think its time to just end things unless there is a very good reason that would change my mind other wise. I definitly desreve a girl that wants to spend time with me and is more honest..i dont have any other girl that i am talking to and i am really not sure where i can meet other girls. most of my friends are either married or dont know or care to get girls. i am not too great myself so i gotta work on that. i fear losing her because shes all i have.

    i mean last week things were fine but now this and i wont be surprised if this crap comes up again and i am tired of it. i could be just too jealous and i am worrying too much but i just dont like this. I feel lonely as **** right now and if i break up i know it will suck but i really need to just end this.. that is what i keep thinking..

    i mean hanging out with her friends i cant join her since then no call or text uh i think its done in my mind...
     
  14. whippet_1

    whippet_1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    17,039
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    T dot
    things went from fine to 2 days without contact? yea...something's up
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Let me make this incredibly easy and clear, because if you follow it and understand it you'll be better off for your future relationships:

    If a girl tells you you cannot come and hang out with her, when she clearly is not just having a "girls night," something is up.

    She's just using you for attention and the stability of being able to come back to a relationship if other flings don't work. She's not really that into you though.

    Stop trying to tiptoe around her feelings. She knows that's what she's doing and she's going to walk all over you. Have some respect for yourself. Either stand up to her, or realize this relationship isn't what you want and just move on from it, knowing not to make the same mistakes in your next one. She's more interested in another guy. If she hasn't contacted you in 2 days that speaks volumes.

    ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
  17. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    i hate to admit this but yes its the same girl. I was about to end things but she turned around. we were hanging out alot and talking on a daily basis and i was like things are fine.

    I was wrong and i keep regretting it. I really hate myself for being such an idiot. I cant believe that things were okay and all of a sudden she goes out with her friends supposedly and now no contact at all. i dont even know if i should contact her at all or wait for her to call and just end it then. I still dont want to thinking that things will be better but that is just dumb.

    i feel horrible for letting so many things slide. feel like a big time pussy but i know you are all right and this needs to end. this is pissing me off to no end
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Don't wait for her to contact you.

    Don't bother contacting her.

    Take this as the official end of your relationship.

    Don't beat yourself up, just remind yourself of the things you will never do again.
     
  19. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    Im so stressed out right now its driving me crazy I just want to call her and ask her wtf. Happened I mean how do u not contact me at all unless something is up I just want to know but I need to wait for her to call but right now I am just stressed lik crazy
     
  20. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    Not to sound disrespectful, but you're sounding like a woman with the "I can't believe you didn't even call!" stuff.

    Jealousy and cheating is a catch-22 situation. The more you are questioning her and showing your insecurities, the more likely she is to try to get with other confident guys.

    It's hard to do, but you just have to force yourself not to ask questions or worry about that stuff. When you feel the urge to say "So....where there any guys at the party?" you have to stop yourself and say "Nope. I'm not doing that stuff anymore. It's pointless."

    I'm mostly talking about future situations. This girl sounds like she is cheating on you for sure. Or at least is intending to.
     
  21. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    well i understand but i usually never ask or worry about that unless i have a hunch. i mean she went to hung out with her friend and her boyfriend maybe there were going to be guys i couldnt come she said because she was going with her girl and i havent been in contact since. like 3 days before that she would be pissed if i didnt talk to her or not messaged her all day. i just find that to be strange and i think somethings up.

    i am still pissed and i am trying to stay busy with work and friends but it sucks trying to sleep or when alone. i am just wondering. i could just contact her but i am going to wait it out and just end it when or if she decides to contact me.
     
  22. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    -You like her more than she likes you
    -You are insecure. She knows this and takes advantage of it.
    -Red flag: She blows you off when you try to make plans with her.
    -Deal breaker: She doesn't want you out with her and her friends.

    What you have to do, although you'll prolly be too chickenshit:
    Tell your gf that it's sketchy for her to not want you out with her and her friends (There's a good chance she wants to at least chat up other guys when you're not around - i know that's what i want to do when i want to have a guys night). Say you will not be in a relationship with that kind of dynamic(AND MEAN IT!!). You need to be ready to lose this girl if you want a chance at making it better.
     
  23. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    You gotta man up and grow a pair.

    Fuck this girl, tell her how it is or she's gotta go.

    You can do it!!

    :)
     
  24. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2003
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    eh i guess my intuition was right..she finally decided to call and i called her up and asked her what happened the last 3 days and shes like nothing. then i ask her what happend on thursday and she starts saying why u asking me questions and why r u keeping tabs.

    then she hangs up i text her saying i am done. she says thank u for breaking up with me. i ask her if she wants to breakup and she says yes she does and she was thinking about it the last 3 days and also when she came back that day from the city. and she tells me through text and doesnt even want to talk to me about it. She says the relationship wasnt working for a while and now after i actually ask her about it she finally tells me how she feels.
    i am guessing she met a guy there and just doesnt want to tell me which i wouldnt be surprised at.

    i am so pissed, angry, sad, hurt, and depressed. i cannot sleep. this is fucking bullshit. i am so down right now i knew she never gave a shit about me at all and i stayed in it for too long.
     
  25. Pond Scum

    Pond Scum New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2007
    Messages:
    2,435
    Likes Received:
    0
    It sucks and their is nothing anyone can say to make it better. Knowing that almost everyone here has gone through something similar won't help. Us telling you any cliche in the world won't help. Nothing any of us can say will help. Just pick your favorite sad music, pick your favorite comfort food, ice cream, pie, brownies, mmmmmm brownies, sit on the couch and drown your sorrows in chocolate and some lame CD.

    Also.....Don't be so hard on yourself about being stupid. There is a reason they say love is blind. We are ALL morons when we are in love. IMO, do not try to contact her again, unless the only question you will ask her is how she is. No why this, or why that, it doesn't matter anymore. Wait until you are totally over your anger (usually takes at least 2-3 weeks) before talking to her again........just my opinion.
     

Share This Page