How to deal with jealousy?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by SpicyMcVoodoo, Sep 15, 2006.

  1. SpicyMcVoodoo

    SpicyMcVoodoo New Member

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    So I me this girl, we went out, and really hit it off. We have plans to see each other again next week. Wonderful, right? Not rly...I hear through the grapevine that she's going to be hanging out with a guy she was/is dating this weekend, so now instead of having warm fuzzy feelings when I think of her, I think about that guy railing her this weekend.

    I've almost totally lost the urge to hang out with her again next week. I don't know why I'm having a hard time just putting it out of my mind, but when I see her again, all I'm going to be thinking about is how she was getting railed 3 days ago...:ugh:

    This is totally irrational on my part, because I just met her and I can't realistically expect her to throw away everything she had going before me, and I don't even know if we'll turn into anything, but it's bugging me. My mind is programmed to think: If you know girl is banging other guys, don't take her seriously and treat her like a whore. Yet we really do get along well and I'd like to take her seriously. :hsd:
     
  2. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    so to get things totally straight, you aren't exclusive yet, but you'd like to be, right?

    so this gives her permission to do what she's doing, so she's not in the wrong. (not the point, but i'm getting there)

    if you're uncomfortable with it and really like her, then tell her how you feel. tell her that you want to get to know her better because you really felt a connection with her, but you don't really want to do that if she's banging other guys. (or leave off that last part and just tell her that you want to get to know her better) and see how she reacts.

    if she goes totally bonkers and says thats bullshit, then you probably don't want to get involved with her.

    if she seems to understand, then go with it. it might take her a little while to warm up to the idea of being exclusive, but if she really digs you too, then you've scored in all the right areas.

    but for now, to prevent ruining possible future success with this girl, i would do everything in your power to not think about her banging another dude :hs:
     
  3. SpicyMcVoodoo

    SpicyMcVoodoo New Member

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    No, we're not exclusive at all. In fact, we've only been on one date, albiet an awesome date and already have plans for another. I don't even necessarily want to be exclusive. It's just a mental wiring problem with me. I can't take a girl seriously and be respectful toward her and all that, all while knowing she was (probably) banging this other guy like 3 days ago.

    If I could put it out of my mind, we'd just see each other again next week and see where it goes, but for some reason I can't. Before I heard about her and this guy, I was all excited about seeing her again. Now I almost don't want to see her...but I'm being ridiculous...if you meet and date an attractive girl, the odds are there's already someone else in the picture. :hs:
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That last bit is exactly right. Intellectually can you agree that your jealousy is unfounded? If so, then allow yourself to repress it emotionally.
     
  5. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Like JJJ said, it's all a matter of whether you want to believe that you are being silly and can get over it. But no matter what, be honest with yourself... if you really can't, that's ok, but in that case you are better off letting her go. Cause what happens if you start to date her and weeks or months down the road you are still preoccupied about this?

    The important thing to realize - not just "yeah, ok" it but fundamentally accept - is it's always pointless to stress about where a woman goes or what she does. You will never be able to control it; all you can do is take it or leave it. It's up to you to figure out what you can put up with.

    DO NOT talk to her about it. If you do you will be saying to her "I like you" which is bad enough when you don't even know her yet, but more to the point, you will be saying "you seem like kind of a slut" which is really REALLY bad at any stage.


    (ed) cliffs: Exclusivity happens when she wants it to. the end.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2006
  6. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    You're right. You're being irrational.

    You JUST met her. Her dating other people doesn't make her a whore, it means, God forbid, she has a social life.

    If you like her, keep seeing her, and chill out. :)
     
  7. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    I'm the same way. you need to tell her how you feel so that either she can become exclusive with you, or you can just suffer in silence, and that's an easy choice to make :o

    I told my gf how I felt pretty much right off the bat, and it was a load off my mind to not have to worry about it.
     
  8. scent of a wookie

    scent of a wookie OT Supporter

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    I am in a situation just like this, hung out with a certain girl a couple times, made out about every time and we were on a semi-weekly talking schedule

    well, saturday night I see her at one of the bars with some other guys (no problem) but when I go to greet her she is completely different and backs up when I go up to her, so I just walk away and hang out with my friends the rest of the night

    the kicker was I saw her leave with her roommate and 2 guys when it was closing time :hs: ... probably won't be calling her anymore simply because she blew me off (I expect there to be other guys, but come on)
     
  9. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    clearly if you dont like it, go elsewhere. Otherwise take some sloppy econds and hope to be exclusive some other time. If he IS dating her id bet hes jealous shes hangin with you... if he knows
     
  10. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    I won't try to 'logic' you out of the way you feel. That would be stupid. Instead, I will tell you WHY you feel that way and how to fix it.

    You feel sick to your stomach because SHE is the prize in the interaction. You feel as though you have no other options right now and she does. This puts her fully in control and you feel needy.

    How to fix this? Go meet a bunch more women and have a bunch more options. This will eliminate your oneitis and make you feel much more in control.
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Agreed.

    If anything, YOU need to up the ante and be more cool than this other guy. Stop being a pussy and go have a good time with her. For all you know, she isn't doing anything with him, or is looking for a replacement.
     

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