SRS How to deal with friends that are compulsive liars?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by rejiro, Sep 7, 2008.

  1. rejiro

    rejiro New Member

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    I have two friends who are dating and are compulsive liars. The shit that comes out of their mouth is really retarded. Hell we even catch both of them in lies, but no one has the heart to confront them.

    Help? :hsd:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    With friends like that who needs enemies. Seriously these people are most likely self centered, and you only accompany them in an attempt not to be alone. And you two are weak for not having the strenght to tell them, however..

    You know.. You shouldn't take those two people seriously, just take them for company sakes and don't listen to a word or keep for true anything that they say', don't count on them either. And when possible you should replace them and get some real friends.

    A real friend will step into your life where a fake friend will step out of your life.

    Bottomline: You're better off without them. But only do so until you found better company.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    short answer: Why the hell would you be friends with someone you know you can't trust?
     
  4. kf4zht

    kf4zht New Member

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    I seem to always have at least one friend that is this way. It's mean but I swear some of us keep them around for entertainment. We deal with them by just shaking our heads, laughing at them and not provoking them too much. A big key is to not rely on them to actually do anything that will affect you.

    Over time you can change them, but it takes alot of work and I can understand not wanting to deal with the BS
     
  5. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I had a friend who was a compulsive liar. If you're friend really is one, its a disorder, they need therapy and can't help.
    I was only around this girl (we were roommies in a summer program) for a couple months so I never suggested this to her. However I did make it clear that I wasn't interested in her fake stories/lies, in the politest way possible.
    Examples: she informed me she spoke French, and I asked her, in French, where she had learned it.
    We were in the program to learn Arabic (which I already speak a good amount of) she told me she spoke FLUENTLY, and then later needed help with simple translations. She kind of tried to trick me into doing it for her 'how would YOU translate this, the meaning is a bit ambiguous' and I didn't answer until she flat out said 'I only know like, two words here'
    She told another friend that she lead a meditation circle in her hometown, the friend happened to be really educated on the matter and asked her what style they did etc, until the girl backed down and mumbled something about only leading the group once or twice.

    It was really sad b/c as I got to know her better I realized why she was doing it, it was really sad/pathetic and stemmed from daddy didn't have time for me issues.

    Wait (it shouldn't take long) for an opportune moment to point out discreetly that you know what they are saying isn't' true, and essentially embarrass them into not doing it around you.
     
  6. Ancoats

    Ancoats New Member

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    Have you maybe thought about physical in-your-face confrontation about it?

    My best friend was really bad for compulsive lying, going as far as to say he lost a son in America in a house fire and repeating that to his ex'es at the time which really pissed me off.

    I ended up punching him in the mouth and threatened him with the next time he ever mentioned that or any of his other outlandish lies I would informing his family - sounds kind of dramatic, but sometimes compulsive liars just need the blunt truth that everyone knows the shit they come out with is complete bullshit.
     
  7. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd:

    i had a girl friend that was a compulsive liar. she used to lie to me about anything and everything. she didn't know that i caught her in 99% of her lies.

    one day i just flat out told her i had to end the friendship. i gave her my reasons, and i never looked back.

    :)
     
  8. Ridonkulous1

    Ridonkulous1 New Member

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    I've had my share of friends like that. It's really sad when they think you have no idea that they're full of shit, when in reality they've contradicted themselves half a dozen times on one subject.

    If you like the person and the lies aren't really important, I say keep them as a friend (but never too close). I mean, most of the time, people who lie are just trying to make themselves feel better or boost their self esteem in any particular area. Be a good friend to them as long as they're a good friend to you back. When their lies start affecting you or people around you, bail
     
  9. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Ding ding ding
     
  10. glass

    glass New Member

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    to be fair.. i value honesty tremendously, but friendship is about looking after each other's interests (one of which could be honesty). i know liars i've kept as friends because they were sincere when it counted, and i've known assholes who were 100% "honest" in the most superficial sense of the word.

    i have one friend who's a compulsive liar - he's more irritating than anything, and because he's always looked after my interests in the past i'm not gonna just tell him to take a hike. another friend, who's a much better, sparing, and subtle liar, is playing surrogate mother to her two younger cousins. ergo, i think as long as your interests are aligned (again, one of which may be honesty, for which compulsive lying may be a dealbreaker), there should be a way to work things out.

    i like the idea of embarassing them in front of your other friends. just make sure they're outnumbered, and i wouldn't embarass them both at the same time. it'll work better if it's in a playful way too.
     
  11. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I have a friend like this as well, for her its really a compulsion and she has gotten help for it. She's never lied about big or important things, so it's never really been a "trust" issue. It was very hard for her to "come out" as a compulsive liar when we first started hanging out, but once I caught her in a few she admitted it and told me about it.
    The funny thing is she'll still lie but a few seconds latter she'll say, "No, that was a lie" (a technique from her therapy, I think) and then re-state and tell the truth or say something else. I just try not to make her feel bad when she admits it and keep going with the conversation minus the lie.
     
  12. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    It is a compulsive thing but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it if it bothers you. The kind of compulsive liar I really hate is the one who lies about minor, really irrelevant things that will never matter. It just makes having simple conversations tedious.

    A girl I met my first semester in school was a grand liar, claiming to have traveled to Berlin, being friends with certain people who didn't know she existed, basically trying to make herself seem hipper than she really was. I suspected she was making a lot of things up, but had no proof until it got to a point where she would tell people things that blatantly contradicted things she'd told me when we were alone and I just dropped her as a friend after that.
     
  13. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd: that's the kind of friend i used to have. i never wanted to talk to her because after a while i didn't believe anything she said...

    :o there were other reasons why i dumped her as a friend, but the lying was a big part.
     
  14. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    I have a friend just like that, but I really don't have the heart to tell him off. He's one of the nicest guys I know, and he's always 100% honest when talking about anything that matters. He rarely lies about himself, 99% of his lies are just made up facts about stuff like drugs, pop culture, history, since no matter what the topic is, he feels the need to look like he's knowledgeable about it.
    I just put up with him and enjoy his lies for comedic purposes.
     
  15. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    It's very funny that this topic came up because I used to have a co-worker who would literally take a story I told him and turn it into a story of his own. It was really bad, I mean and I'm 23 now and he's in his 30's married with a kid. I feel sorry for the family.

    Like the others have said you will be better off without them.
     
  16. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    walk away
     
  17. Diesel Fumes

    Diesel Fumes Guest

    "My whole life is a lie" - George Costanza

    I don't care if people lie to me about mundane things. Don't lie to me if it affects me in a negative way. Don't lie to me to gain my trust. Don't lie to me to make yourself look better.

    There is some poor advice in this thread. Walk away? Why? So we can leave our friends alone? Lying is a common thing. People have reasons for lying and if they don't, its an uncontrollable problem. DOn't walk away, confront them on it. Ask them why they keep lying. Tell them that its obvious that they are lying. Have a set of balls.
     
  18. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    Personally, I can't stand compulsive liars and will distance myself from them as quickly as possible.
     
  19. Mel

    Mel RIP James :(

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    I don't enjoy being friends with people like that. I've known people like that in the past, and I've learned to stay away from them. Since they do nothing but annoy me, I can't really be "friends" with them. You can't be friends with someone you dislike all the time.
     

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