How the hell do I stop overthinking things?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by surrender, May 29, 2008.

  1. surrender

    surrender [ON MEDS]

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    A bit of backstory: I went on my first date ever a couple of weeks ago at age 22, two months from turning 23. It went pretty well (her cousin told me she had fun) and she wanted to go out again, but unfortunately all plans had to be put on hiatus for a couple of weeks because she had to leave town.

    Well, she's back in town and I'd like to call and ask her out again, but I'm overthinking it as I usually do. Before the first date, I peppered my friends with questions - where do I take her? What should I wear? How early should I pick her up? Thankfully, I was relaxed during the date, but immediately after I started thinking about any mistakes I had made. Now I'm starting to worry about the same things, even though I know it's not rational.

    So, how do you guys cope? Is this something that will go away with experience? I had to down a beer before I called her the first time, but I'm sure that's not the best option.
     
  2. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    Try a Monster M-80 or Khaos if you are that kind of guy. Just relax and stop overanalyzing it.
     
  3. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    From one over thinker to another....Just relax. If you don't, then things will always go wrong.
     
  4. Cumstang02

    Cumstang02 New Member

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    you'll quit worrying as you become more experienced. Just have fun.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Aww, you sounds so cute. Just calm down hun.

    I know it's nerve-racking being completely new to dating but it can take a lot of time and experience to feel comfortable. The real advice I can give you is to not get too caught up in your first girl just because you are so excited she might like you or because you've gotten this far. Overanalyzing situations and actions will only cause you unnecessary stress.

    Take everything as a learning experience. First things first though, call her-RIGHT NOW. Say hello, ask her how her time away was and immediately ask her out again. Say you had a great time and plan right now (before the phone call) what you could do. Don't call her and chit chat for 40 minutes about nothing followed by asking her on a date that you haven't thought about first.

    Here's a few threads on date ideas you can browse.
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3173691
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3225731
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3148649
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3360933

    Seriously though, call her ASAP and set the date and update :) Oh, and if she doesn't answer just leave her a brief message saying hey, hope she is well and to call you back.
     
  6. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    you're puttin the pussy on a pedestal

    alright jk, but seriously you wouldn't call a guy friend and be all nervous would you?

    It's just a casual get-together.. don't put it in your head that she's some goddess whom you have to impress.

    Treat her like any other friend, and HAVE FUN!
     
  7. Persaeus

    Persaeus New Member

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    Why haven't you ever had a date before 22 years of age? That could definitely create higher anxiety levels than normal as you have probably had many years of amping up the world of dating. I would suggest finding some ways to ground and center yourself to release some of the excess energy without having to alter your mind. A drink halfway through the date is one thing, but showing up to pick up your date buzzed? mmmm...nope not a good look
     
  8. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    I overthink most things and get nervous but I also get what I want and I pick and choose my battles VERY wisely. I have the job I want, got into the college I wanted to etc.

    My biggest fear is failing. I won't go after anything unless I know I can get it done (I don't mean like.. refusing to go bowling for a fear of losing or anything) but I typically overanalyze these sorts of situations.

    Girl at work isn't responding to my voicemails or emails...and that, in general, pisses me off. If I send an email to anyone with a question, I typically want an answer :rant: worried that i'm being too pushy/needy...
     
  9. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    you get used to it

    everyone still gets that feeling sometimes, though -- I had it last night

    jot down a few things you want to talk about, just in case you sorta get stuck -- just simple bullet points
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd: I used to do that when I was really excited over a guy and didn't want to ramble or sound like I had nothing to talk about :mamoru:
     
  11. surrender

    surrender [ON MEDS]

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    Heh, I ended up staying late at work and forgot about this thread!

    iwishyouwerebeer: I'm not emotionally invested in this girl (yet) or anything, so "losing her" is like the last thing on my mind. I'm just overly analytical with everything in my life, and now that I'm dating, my behavior has extended to that part of my life.

    Persaeus: I was a late bloomer socially... had terrible social anxiety during my "golden years" in college, and I only started coming out of my shell during senior year. So now I have to make up for about 4 or 5 years of social development, and that unfortunately includes dating.

    Anyway, on to the good stuff: on my drive home, she texted me and asked me if I wanted to hang out this weekend, so I called her and made plans to go to a wine bar on Saturday evening. Easy. Now cue two days of nail-biting panic :noes:

    Thanks for all of the responses!
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :h5: Nice man! Good job on calling her instead of just texting her back!
     
  13. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Why panic? The hard part is already over, you're on easy street now.

    Only thing left to do now is to wow her with your personality and show her how much better her life would be with you in the picture. :bigthumb:
     
  14. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I often over-think and over-analyze as well.

    Best thing to do is learn to act on impulse and do not think too much. The more you analyze the more you realize what could go wrong and you ultimately sabatoge yourself.

    Luckily, the hard part is over (scoring that first date). She wants a second date so you're pretty solid. Just be yourself, and dont't forget to HAVE A GOOD TIME. Showcase your personality a bit and let her know that you fun and she is doing herself a service just by hanging out with you.
     
  15. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    no shit? i never figured women would have to care about what to say or how they come off. All the pressure is on the guy to see if he can close the deal without fucking it up and turning her off - why would he ask her out if he didn't like her in the first place? Shit.. i guess that's what being attractive is like, you get asked out and girls have to worry about saying the right things and trying to game you. Nuts.
     
  16. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    hm, i dont think i gets any easier, he still has to make his move, going on a bunch of dates without anything happening can kill it too.. how did it feel on the first one?
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    That's where you're wrong. Any girl who is excited about a guy gets anxious and nervous about themselves; unless it's the type of girl who thinks her shit don't stink. Girls tend to be incredibly insecure, you're all just too worried about what you're doing to notice.
     
  18. XxvODvxX

    XxvODvxX New Member

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    I have seen it before with my previous g/f. I learned to stop putting so much pressure on myself and had fun and once your on that mind set you can see the girl is nervous if she really does like, infact that relationship lasted a while.

    Don't get me wrong though i still get the heart pounding butterfly jitters when i like someone i just try to not show it and have fun.

    Surrender: I have been there too. It sucks. But you can push through it. Use your over analyzing to your advantage. When i use to over analyze things i would never sleep, get really sick, and make stuff even worse. I stopped caring so much about alot of things which made me get over that. But it may be different for you. Maybe theres a twist you can use it to your advantage, make it help you instead of deter you. Right now i can't think of a good way of doing it...I am sure someone can figure it out on here and turn this around for you....

    Good luck this weekend to. Take it easy not too much pressure, go with the flow and enjoy yourself. maybe take this over analyzing approach and watch how she reacts to things see if she is nervous like the way IWISHYOUWEREBEER described above. Then you will know you may have a keeper.:hsd:
     
  19. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    its too far outside of my reality. by "excited" you mean that she'd be thrilled just to go to his or her place and skip the date?
     
  20. Ep

    Ep Guest

    :rofl:
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Of course. When I first met my current bf for example, he kept making dates for us to go out somewhere but the best parts of the dates were when we just ended up at his apartment on the couch talking for hours.

    I even just meant excited. Like when you meet a guy you really like and you get giddy just thinking about them, or when they call you let out a squeal of delight. Girls either hide that excitement well or don't hide it at all (those girls we refer to as "clingy").
     
  22. surrender

    surrender [ON MEDS]

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    It's go time :eek3: I'll post an update when I get back!
     
  23. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    Paralysis by analysis. :hs:

    This is where the seemingly cliché advice of just being yourself kicks in. You have to do something OTHER than sit around thinking about her and how you're going to interact with her. It doesn't do any good. What you're failing to consider is that all that crap is keeping you from just being YOU.

    Stop trying to be a certain ideal that you've contrived about perfection, doing things a "right" way, or (conversely) making mistakes. There are no such things. Dating is interaction to see if you're compatible with each other for continued relationship. Acting and trying to hard gets you the exact opposite result.

    RELAX
     
  24. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    and if that exciting guy tried to kiss you right away, you wouldn't reject him, you'd go for it?
     
  25. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    IMO it all boils down to control. We humans seem to want to control everyone and everything so we won't be hurt. Funny thing is, rarely does control work tho.

    I've found that just letting go of my control issues and going along for the ride can be the best time. When I try to control, I miss things that happen that can be quite funny.....like when something unexpected happens. If I'm not worrying about controlling everything, I'm much more likely to notice it and have fun with it.
     

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