How the hell can I learn not to be clingy?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nouia, Aug 18, 2005.

  1. Nouia

    Nouia New Member

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    No. Okay? No.
    I'm a guy, in college, relatively inexperienced relationship-wise, and I have a tendency to appear really clingy with girls, especially in the begining of a relationship. What exactly is the proper way to pull of a new relationship without being that needy, over-enthusiastic psycho, but still let her know I'm interested? Is it okay to see her everyday? What are warning signs that I'm being to clingy?
    Yeah I'm naive, but I need some advice?

    Females, feel free to contribute. :hsd:
     
  2. sadangryboi

    sadangryboi New Member

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    IMO, be an asshole...they will be clingy on your ass - be ready!
     
  3. dscallaway69

    dscallaway69 New Member

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    Wow it is hard to say what is being clingy and what isn't. The best advice I can give is take a step back and think about things from the other person's shoes. Some people just feel the need to be close to the person they are with and others like to have their distance. I am the type that likes to be left alone alot of the time. I don't feel the need to spend every minute with that person. There is no real trick to the whole situation. The best thing is communication, you need to know how the person you are dating feels about the situation.
     
  4. danison

    danison The Contrarian

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    Just stay active and have a bunch of hobbies and activities in you life that don't involve the person you are dating. Women like men who have lives and are not big enough pushovers to give up everything for them. The more you give up for a woman, the less she will respect you most of the time. Seems counterintuitive, but it is the truth for the most part.

    Women respond to men who are confident and it drives them crazy to be teased. Anyway, these are some good starting points. Good luck.
     
  5. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    exactly don't make her your priority EVER even if you get Married your own life is your top priority first before none.

    Find things to do, call her here and there but do the no more than 1 rule. No more than 1 call OR email per day ( that is like a huge nono ) call only more than once if she asks or you say Ill call you back later tonight ect to arrange things but not more than once a day for just chit chats.

    Make it very cleary you have a life and things to do besides be with her, as the relationship moves on naturally you both should spend more time together and if it goes to marrige you will eventually be spending near-all time together outside of work perhaps.
     
  6. Nouia

    Nouia New Member

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    This is excellent advice, I appreciate it. She actually lives...um..about 100 meters down the hall from me. This might be tricky to navigate through.
     
  7. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Personally, this doesn't work for me. Yes there are times when you need to be apart and do your own thing, but what's wrong with spending a lot of time with your SO? NOTHING! As long as neither partner feels smothered, then there's nothing wrong with being together a lot.

    I completly disagree with the limits on e-mails and phone calls, as long as it doesn't interupt with work or other needed activities. My current SO and I would send several back and forth a day. If we didn't, our relationship wouldn't be where it is.

    But that's for me, it doesn't work for everybody.
     
  8. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    Instead of worrying about a woman you are interested in and what to do for her, think about yourself. Realize that you are living YOUR life and that you need to take care of your own needs and WANTS first. When your friends are having a get together to watch a game, go! Don't think that's an opportune time to have a nice romantic date with the girl; there will be PLENTY of opportunities to go on a date later.

    If she calls you constantly, don't answer every time. Better yet, make yourself too BUSY to answer every time. "Oh, hey, I'm busy right now. I'll call you back later."

    Not only does spending time apart help you get things DONE, but it actually makes the relationship BETTER, because when you're not together, she'll be thinking about you. This causes "sexual tension," which is like the bonding agent of a relationship. The more sexual tension there is, the better the relationship. Staying seperate keeps her in check and makes her realize she needs to appreciate the time you're together; the vice versa occurs when you are clingy and over-emotional: She will feel swamped and overhwlemed by your presence.

    AN idea to seem less clingy when you want to go on a date: Keep it simple, and don't make it a special occasion. The best dates are the ones with great memories, not when you bought her fancy food in a futile attempt to buy her heart. A pizza joint works well. And when you invite her, don't call it a date, or don't make it seem like you even need her to be there for you to have a good time. "Hey, I'm going to Toni's Pizza tonight, want to come along?"

    No cling, no problem. :bigok:
     
  9. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    That's the key. However, most people disregard this logic when they feel that heat of love in them, and that could break the relationship down a little. Just need to ALWAYS be aware and observing what's going on.
     
  10. JohnDoe

    JohnDoe Guest

    i get clingy and it ive ruined the past two that way. Infact I just got dumped tonight :(
    I feel like I need to have her to have a good time and I stop all of my other hobbies, and I think thats what is wrong with me. This is my first major heart break and I now know what I need to do and I WONT let it happen again, because I know this feeling and its a depressive, no hope feeling.
     
  11. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    its so fucked up when you have to act "busy" just to get her to want you more.

    why can't we just be honest?
     
  12. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    That's what I was thinking.

    As I was reading Symtic's post all I was thinking was "OMG, Games". :ugh:

    The way I look at it is, if I need to play games, she's not worth it, because if you ever do marry her, then the games will continue for life. I'd ratherhave an open and honest relationship from the start. :)
     
  13. scifimom

    scifimom Fear is the mind killer. I will face my fear and l

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    Games suck, it's immature and a waste of energy. If you both want frequent contact, great, forget "rules". Let her know you're honestly interested and enjoy being with her- communicating the truth will make her feel appreciated- not stalked. It will NOT make you look like a wuss, it will make you look confident and sincere.You can still take care of you and enjoy a close relationship.
     
  14. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    QFT!

    /thread
     
  15. Spaulding Smails

    Spaulding Smails Real Estate Guru

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    your attitude should be that you are very happy with your life, friends, social life etc...if you meet someone, you should be considering whether it is worth your time and energy to include them in that life... Flipping your world upside down for a girl you don't really know speaks more to how you value your life and time in a negative way...

    Keep busy, and get to know her mentally and physically...girls will generally push the issue to make it more...
     
  16. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    I was trying to hint hat you should actually keep yourself busy, not just sitting on OT and ignoring her phone calls. :hs:
     
  17. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    :werd:
     
  18. ProneToEpisodes

    ProneToEpisodes New Member

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    Get a hobby or play sports. If you are busy and have something to do theres no reason to be clingy you'll be to busy
     
  19. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    whats wrong with clingy? DOnt change yourself, find a girl that likes a clingy guy. They do exist...and I have found them to be very easy to find almost anywhere.
     
  20. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    try and space out when you see her, no more than 2 consecutive days together. dont demand where she's going or where she's been, ask her and act interested but dont interrogate her for details.

    don't ever tell your girlfriend she can't do something, if she wants to do something, let her. but let her know you're upset about it. she has her own life and if you try to control her and tell her what she can/can't do in it, she'll dump you.

    give her a call every once and awhile, but dont call her 15 times in 2 hours because you can't get ahold of her.

    sometimes people need some space and just time to get away, respect that and go find something for yourself to do. dont make your life revolve around seeing your girlfriend (i'm very guilty of this). keep other interests, friends/hobbies/shows/games/sports/school/work/whatever. so you're never sitting around going "damnit i want to be with _______"
     
  21. [HRT]Squirrel Master

    [HRT]Squirrel Master New Member

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    yup
     
  22. dscallaway69

    dscallaway69 New Member

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    Great advice. Don't play games and be someone your not just to keep her interested. Eventually the real you, which is clingy, is going to come out. Just be yourself and let her know how you are. You will eventually find a woman that is cool with it.
     
  23. [HRT]Squirrel Master

    [HRT]Squirrel Master New Member

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    My little moto.....

    "I would rather you hate me for who I am, than love me for who I'm not"
     
  24. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Words to live by!

    You will always end up being you, no matter how long you hide it. And life is much more of a bitch when you are trying to impress and make happy every person other than yourself.
     
  25. [HRT]Squirrel Master

    [HRT]Squirrel Master New Member

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    and man... does it feel ever so nice to finally be ok with being yourself around your woman..... its peaceful :)
     

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