SRS How should I go about this (very new) relationship?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JakobwithaK, Jan 19, 2008.

  1. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    Say you just started talking to this girl (few days ago) and she told you that she just had a one nighter with some random dude like a few days before you met. She said it was totally unexpected and unplanned prior to meeting, but a spur of the moment kind of thing. In other words, ah I was horny, he was so hot, and I couldnt resist but spread my legs for him.

    Also she was fucking some other dude not long before that for a few months - from what she tells me a friend that shes known for awhile but never dated since she doesnt find him dating material. At this time, she had just got out of a 4yr relationship, so Im sure she really needed support and someone to to talk to and was willing to listen to her for the time being. Hooking up with a friend after coming out of a long term relationship is fairly common, so...

    Would you completely ditch her and move on? I dont want to because I really enjoy her company and what not. I also just met her and never judge anyone right off the bat, without even getting to know them much. But Im not going to lie, hearing about her past 3-4 months sex life didnt give me the best impression of her to say the least. My biggest worry when meeting girls is that they still have feelings from their past relationships. Even though this girl, claimed they were just booty calls, nothing more, nothing less and would never date these 2 guys.

    I asked her if shes still talking to either of them anymore and she said "one keeps texting me" (which was the dude she just had a one nighter with earlier this week) and asked if she plans on still fucking any of them anymore and she didnt give a concrete "no"...but a "probably not" :ugh2:

    She seems like a really nice girl and enjoy chatting with her, but wtf? What should I do? What can I ask or say to her to find out if shes honest when getting to know new guys. :wtc:
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2008
  2. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Red Flag 1: No Class, User, Gossip,

    Note, she just got out a felationship. It violates another rule. A guy ought to "never" get involved with a girl who is either "in" a relationship still or who has just left one but remains connected in some form.

    Fair enough, hangout with her. I'm not saying fall into doggy love heaven over her, keep detached and just chill out. If you're expecting something more physical, well, you're going to be disppointed.

    Change that rule. Judge people, judge them in your mind, and qualifty them. Are these people sending out red flags, are the hiding things, are they putting on a show, are they sincere? Analyze the shit out of them. If they pass the basic tests you'll be fine. Basic test: Do they look you in the eye when they talk. Are they talking to you or at you? You know what I mean, they type that says "You should be sleeping so many guys, you know?" -- but she's really talks about "herself."

    People who switch their pronouns between you, and I are trouble. They don't take personal responsibility and usually everything that is wrong with them is someone elses doing.

    You should afraid. Look at this:

    • -- Never Settle. Settling down with one partner is fine, but never settle on anything that compromises your integrity when finding her. Appearances, goals, attitude - she must be compatible with you, so don't fit a square peg into a round hole.
    • -- If you're not interested for any reason in her, don't debate it, don't empathize, don't pity her, don't explain it to her -- simply end it with tact and walk.
    • -- Always trust your gut. If you think something may be wrong, something probably is. Side on caution and walk away. Even if nothing was wrong that ever surfaced, there are "plenty of fish".
    • -- The right girl for you should, have a positive attitude, is giving, kind, loyal, has integrity/class, and is trustworthy and flexible. If these qualities are absent, you should be too.
    -Red flag: Never date a girl who either talks about her ex/or guys she's fucked on the first or second date, or is still spending time with her ex/FBs. Never date a girl who lacks class.

    Nothing. She's already told you everything via what she said and the timing of how she said it.

    You: So tell me about yourself.
    Her: Well I'm a user, I sleep around, and I have no problem being unclassy and telling some random guy like you. Also it's important that you know that guy that I just fucked, I probably won't sleep with him again, but I can just say no, I mean I like to leave my options open. Oh hold on, I have to answer this text.
    You: Who is the test from?
    Her: Oh nothing just that guy I fucked the other night.
    You: He stills texts you?
    Her: Yeah
    You: Are you fuckin' guys as a substitute for the love you've lost in your long term relationship? I mean, are you afraid to get emotionally involved, and sex alone is your way of connecting without having to feel?
    Her: You shut the fuck up you don't know me *She starts crying*

    As you can see, I've seen this so many times. Don't date her chief, if you know what's good for you. Hang out with her if you think you can keep your hands off, but I'll bet you'll latch on and fuck it all up, so beware.
     
  3. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2007
    Messages:
    305
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Missouri
    :rofl: Too funny...Pretty darned accurate, but still hilarious to see it in this context...:rofl:

    I couldn't agree more. There are reg flags going up all over the place with this one. DONT DO IT!!!! This girl at the MOST should be friendzoned...but don't date her. If she is going to sleep around like that and then brag about it(yes, however she said it, it was still bragging)to a guy she barely knows...well...that reg flag just smacked you across the face...just back away from it:iough:
     
  4. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    What do you mean by this? Sorry bit lost, is the no class, user, gossip coming from me?

    I agree, but I didnt know. Should I say something to her about how I want her to end things off with the other dudes if she wants to get to know me? The last thing I want is to be played here. Im not saying im going to date her heavily but Id prefer a girl who isnt fuckin some other dude on the side while talking to me.

    Fair enough.

    Ill take it slow, friends for now and see how it goes. But Im going into this very cautiously.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    She lacks class. She uses people, and then she gossips/brags/boasts about it (to you).

    The rule is clear. There is nothing to say. The rule simply says: A guy ought to "never" get involved with a girl who is either "in" a relationship still or who has just left one but remains connected in some form.


    You're wasting your time champ. If you're befriending her to be a friend, meh ok, but if you're befriending her with the serect mission of bypassing the rules I laid out, you will fail.

    Additionally, who befriends someone who acts like that? Those flags could easily be applied to the type of people you even talk to, much less date!
     
  6. hitmikey

    hitmikey DRIVEN FROM WITHIN

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2000
    Messages:
    7,462
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    NY
    agree 100% with metallic blue but never wouldve broken it down so well
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    Read it again, she didn't just get out of a relationship. He said she slept with one guy for a few months after ending a relationship so she's been out of it for awhile.



    Have you seen this guys other posts? I don't think I've ever seen him say anything positive. Any girl with a positive attitude would go running if he is anything like he is on here IRL. Search for threads he has posted if you don't know what I mean. Examples-"Am I being like a piece of shit or what?", "Im so fuckin pissed off!!! My Christmas is now ruined! ARGH!!! *RANT*", "Asian Girls Are Such Bitches!!!!", "Im the most selfish person in the world, and it makes me feel like complete shit" etc...

    Jakob-first of all, this isn't a "new relationship", you said you just started talking to the girl. If you don't want to keep dating her then don't, you don't need us to tell you that. But considering you are always complaining about never getting any women then maybe you should still hang out with her some just so you can figure out what you are doing wrong and get some experience. And you seem to have a lot of anger issues so hopefully you'll get some help for those sometime.
     
  8. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    I consider any relationship sexually as a relationship. As long as that person's name comes up, I apply the rule.

    No.

    That's unfortunate.

    If he is as negative as you say, then absolutely!

    Unfortunately I don't have a sub now. I'll take your word for it.
     
  9. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    I agree with her lacking class, but I dont neccesarily think she was bragging about it to me. Im not defending her though, because even though our convo at the time, led to her past relationships etc...I found it a bit odd how someone would bring up the fact that they had a one night stand just a few nights ago. And she didnt seem to be ashamed of it or anything, I know if I was her...I sure wouldnt act all proud of it to someone I just met. I definitely found that odd because normally people dont bring stuff up like that right away, if ever.

    I agree with you on this. I think I'll pass on her altogether. But how would YOU normally handle a situation of a girl just coming out of a relationship and still being in contact? Not saying Im going to with this girl because Im not, but would YOU stay away completely/avoid girls who are still in contact with past bfs or do you just limit yourself to them as friends until you feel the time is right to go furhter. Just curious...because a lot of the girls I meet are usually like this, just coming out of relationships, etc.
     
  10. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    I seem to have a lot of anger issues? Actually I dont, it may seem like I do on here but I dont. People dont neccesarily act the same way they do online as opposed to in person everyday life. Just because I talk about this stuff on here, doesnt mean I show it in real life - in fact I conceal it very well. You can ask anyone that I know if I have anger problems, and they would tell you the opposite.
     
  11. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Tomato, Tamato, right?

    Simple, I follow my rule, that's why I created it. I tell them "Sorry, but I don't get involved with girls who are still dealing with their prior relationships.

    If it's just a matter of the girl being recently single and in contact with her ex, I "might" date her down the road, but I wouldn't be waiting. It would be highly unlikely that I would be single by the time enough time had passed for her to deal with her past relationship.

    So no, I probably wouldn't. I don't fool myself into thinking I really want to be friends with someone when the reality is that I'm attracted to them.

    And you're there to make them feel better. Don't do it. Don't give women advice when they have a break up, don't date them during a break-up or even after (Not until the ex is a long gone memory that they don't bring up for an exceptionally long period of time.

    You may be attracted to the fact that they are more vulnerable at that time, resist the urger to "help" and focus on yourself and finding a good relationship with someone who is ready for a good relationship.
     
  12. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2002
    Messages:
    97,153
    Likes Received:
    69
    Location:
    Republic of Dallas
    I'm not one to give advice on women because I usually chase trash around at bars. However I recently went out with a chick who has a regular job, isn't constantly drunk, and her phone doesn't ring all the time (with other trash calling, or last nights random cock), and she's generally a respectable person.

    I'm learning to desire more because it may be available. Its definitely hard to find.
     
  13. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    I agree with you. I just dont understand why 9/10 women I meet are like this? Still in contact with ex's that is. Am I just meeting sluts or...? I cant explain it, I just cant.
     
  14. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    There is nothing wrong with you except you've continued to invest time in them, thus while you were spending time on them you were missing other opportunities. When girls enter your life who have these red flags, you distance yourself and keep your owns open for other good prospects.

    Don't try to figure out the details, my suggestion is to just follow the simple rules and be merry.
     
  15. Lindsay Loo

    Lindsay Loo ミ★ Mikel's POZ Partner ミ★

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2006
    Messages:
    19,751
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas, Tejas
    honestly this girl doesn't have any self respect. it's obvious in the way she treats herself. if she wants to act out and sleep around with a lot of guys, that's her business. while she's being "honest" it is probably worse than what she says. if she's only telling you that it's a few guys, then more than likely it's more than a couple guys. :hs: for whatever reason females like this tend to either try to hide the actual number or exaggerate the number. so in truth she also may be exaggerating. it's really hard to tell unless you listen to her long enough to find out more info and/or catch her in a lie. either way, she will do one or the other.

    also, i find it really unusual that she told you all of this so openly. that also shows that she just wants attention. especially if she is so wishy washy as it seems. she's not done but she can't tell you that she's not completely done because yes she wants to get with you. if she didn't want to lose her chance at getting with you, she would have said yes im going to sleep with him again and he wasn't a one nighter because he is still texting her and she keeps responding. chances are it's more than that :(


    girls talk to their ex's because they feel safe and comfortable most times. it also means in most cases that they have a low self esteem and very low self respect. they are usually also trying to keep their options open. if a girl has had sex with a guy and keeps him close, more than likely she wants to have sex with them again. bottom line.

    there is no reason that you can't be friends with her, however, you're going to have to be SUPER strong and not fall for her drama and traps :( you're gonna have to make everything black and white in your mind and you're gonna have to form an opinion of her before you're going to be strong enough not to fall for her drama. :( i know you said you don't like to judge, but this is a case where you really need to judge her and see if you're tired of meeting girls like this then why settle now and be played and trapped. :(
     
  16. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    I talked to her late Sat night (she called me) and it sounds like she has a lot going on in her life right now. Break up from a 4yr relationship 6 months ago, dealing with her ex in terms of who gets the rights to her 2 boys (ages 1 and 3) and I guess theyre going through counselling. I thought that sounded odd since they were split up anyways, but I guess her and her ex both want to still be good parents to their kids even though they are split up, so according to her...its for the benefit of their kids and not for them. Right now they both get the boys, ex 3 days at moms, 4 days at dads and so on...

    She also told me that she had cheated on her ex and thats the main reason they split up, he began to treat her like crap after she told him and she eventually left him because she couldnt put up with the way she was being treated.
     
  17. Japan Four

    Japan Four Guest

    all these actions she has made are a taste of things to come, just remember that before you go any further with her.
     
  18. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Did you give her advice?

    Remember what I said about details? Once red flags are present, it doesn't matter. There is always a reason, but that doesn't mean I have to burrow my hands into the shit pile searching for a diamond. Ignore complicated messes, avoid shit piles, and you'll be alright. If I want drama I turn on TNT.

    Another red flag, big surprise. My advice, end contact. Save your precious time, after all time is running out everyday you wake up.
     
  19. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    None whatsoever.

    I agree.

    Ya when she had told me that she cheated on her ex (in a 4yr relationship) and at this time already had one child, wow just wow :wtc:
     
  20. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,131
    Likes Received:
    8
    A girl would NEVER talk about those things with a guy who she wanted to actively pursue.
     
  21. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Good, and don't ever do it. Never give advice to a woman you're potentially interested in pursuing romantically. Listen, but don't advise. That's what her therapist is for.

    I know, it's hard. The patterns are like stone sometimes, you can see it from miles away and are helpless to stop it. The only thing you can do is use it to your advantage, so you don't end up involved.
     
  22. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    Yip, I know a lot of guys who were taken advantage of this way - because the girl would end up just using him for his advice and seeing him as nothing more. Good thing I havent been though.

    This is where my weak spot ALWAYS is. I dont know what it is, I always get way too caught up in girls looks if Im madly attracted to them. Pretty pathetic, because often at times I will be so caught up in their looks and body, I completely overlook the importance of a girls personality and a positive well-being. :( I dont know why Im always like this, it pisses me off how I bend over all the time for hot girls.
     
  23. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Don't beat yourself up for the way you were programmed. You're designed to behave that way. As you mature and grow you define more refined parameters for choosing a long term mate, but in the early years we're designed to hump anything that moves that we're attracted to. That's evolution! It doesn't mean it's in your best interest, but don't berate yourself for how you feel.

    The fact of the matter is, you have to ask yourself a very important question when looking at girls pretty faces and gorgeous bodies. Ask yourself "What does she have to offer me besides that? Because I'm a king, I'm a man, and I deserve respect from the "lucky" girl I choose from a myriad of options.

    Because you're too busy trying to live up to what you can offer them instead of the other way around. What does she have to offer you? You're the fuckin' man, we already know what you have to offer, so what makes this "pretty face" any different?

    Get it champ? You'll find it's so much easier to handle beautiful women when you realize they're everywhere. They're the ones putting on all the makeup trying to catch "you" -- not the other way around.
     
  24. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    [/quote]

    Thats exactly what everyone has always told me all my life. Its not about how I can impress the girl, or what I bring to the table but the other way around. And I would have to agree to that whole heartedly, that is so true. Because with all these beautiful women, its not like they dont already have enough men bending over backwards for their attention. THey should be the ones asking themselves all this, not me.
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    She likes sex. She told you upfront. Whether you can handle that is up to you.

    As for practical stuff, don't take off the condom without getting yourselves tested first.

    A lot of women enjoy sex. It takes a special kind of woman to go against her social conditioning and admit it openly. In your position I would be respectful of her openness but otherwise completely unphased.

    What she has with some random sex guy doesn't change what she has (or doesn't have) with you. You and this girl can probably experience something meaningful together. Just, always be safe.

    On the other hand if you are considering attempting to pin her down into a contractually monogamous relationship with you, then if I were you, I'd find a girl who was less in touch with her pussy than this girl is. These days I can no longer fathom contractual monogamy, however, so I might be biased.
     

Share This Page