how nice is too nice?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by dumbaznboy, Jul 6, 2007.

  1. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    i ask this only because when i do things (sometime) for my gf (not because i feel like i should, but because i genuinely want to) the line "but i dont deserve it" or"i'm a bad gf" comes up.

    what the hell? im being nice cuz thats who i am, just thank me and appreciate it.

    so im wondering, how much is too nice?

    [just so everyone knows, im a good person that likes to do nice things for friends and family just to show i care/to be nice but i will not let people take advantage of me or walk all over me (happened once, never letting it happen again)]
     
  2. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2004
    Messages:
    1,062
    Likes Received:
    0
    it's weird for her to verbalize it that way. she's fucked up or socially inept. not your problem. that's her stuff bro
     
  3. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    :rofl:

    No, seriously, she is telling you that you're doing it wrong, so fucking knock it off. Make her EARN this kind of stuff. Tell her "What do I get out of this" in a way. Don't just give for nothing, it's GIVE AND TAKE. Remember that. If you're not taking, then you're shooting yourself in the foot (you're acting like you are unworthy and have to "buy" her presence, which says she is a whore and you're a loser.)

    Hey, try this - instead of buying things or doing things to show you care, ACT in a way that shows you care.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Yeah...if any girl ever says that to you than honestly you are either way too giving or she is a bad girlfriend (who doesn't appreciate you enough). Stop doing so many nice things for her all the time because like those people who say "I love you" too much it kind of wears off the whole meaning if you do things for her all the time.
     
  5. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,057
    Likes Received:
    0
    Umm, I thought people only said that to seem modest or grateful.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0

    well, if it's like once or twice, yeah. But if she says it consistently, it probably means she wants him to stop, or that he is doing it way too much, or she has huge self-esteem issues.

    To the OP, give us more details. What do you do for her? How often do you do it?
     
  7. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    to those that have asked for details, its not like i take her out and buy her things all the time (if ever actually), but its little things like:

    -cooking for her (which is just a bonus for her, since i LOVE to cook and will do so for my friends just so i can try new recipes on them)
    -if im on my way home from work, and im stopping somewhere to grab a bite to eat or pick up some groceries, illl occasionally ask to see if she needs anything (which she would pay me back for) -- this i only do since i figure im there, might as well save her a trip
    -ill give her a back rub or something when she asks, but when im done i usually expect (and receive one in return)
    -rarely i will buy her flowers or something (just to surprise her from time to time)

    but its after the first couple things that she will say the stuff she says, and ive asked why she feels that way, and she says she doesnt deserve it and that shes a bad gf cuz she doesnt do anything like that for me
     
  8. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    oh and to poco - how do i ACT as if i care? cuz id like to think i do...

    oh and one way that i like to show i care for people is by putting time and effort into creating a meal from scratch (cooking and food has always been a sign of affection for me - weird as it may be)
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ok, doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong...just being considerate, which is cool. So yeah, she may either be fishing for compliments (which would be strange since you are already showing by your actions that you care for her), or she is really insecure.
     
  10. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    7,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    :werd:
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Here's a tip - if you make dinner, she does the dishes. What do you get out of this? I know you enjoy cooking, but doing it for nothing is supplicating and kissing her ass. Make her EARN your time, your effort, and your company.
     
  12. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2004
    Messages:
    1,062
    Likes Received:
    0
    i think that's bullshit. relationsihps aren't quid pro quo. relationships are based on you do shit for the other person because you care about them and want to. similarly, they do things for you because they feel the same way. it's not tit for tat, it's a general feeling of caring and wantig to do something for each other

    that said, if you're a chode who can't tell the difference between supplication and just being caring to the one you love, this is probably not a bad method of acting til you sort that out
     
  13. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    poco - i never said i do her dishes for her...

    i would like to think im well aware of the fact that it would be quite easy for me to be taken advantage of, but that being said, ive also stated that its heppend before, and that I will not allow it to happen again in my life.

    my original question wasnt that of am i being a doormat? it was more along the lines of why is my GF saying what she says (and yes ive asked her, and i get responses similar to what she says when i do things for her). sorry for the confusion.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    :werd:
     
  15. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    i'd love to hear more ladies chiming in...gracias
     
  16. Whatever you are doing, you are being too nice. :)
     
  17. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    haha thanks beast.

    so should i cut back? i mean i dont think im doing too much nice-ness? (and is too much a bad thing? - its not like im a pushover with her or that i let her take advantage of me - so i dont think its going up up being "you have no spine, im leaving you for a REAL man")
     
  18. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2005
    Messages:
    15,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte, NC
    You know how if the government was to just go and print a bunch of money, it would make all money worth less?

    Kinda like that.
     
  19. NCS

    NCS Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2002
    Messages:
    5,777
    Likes Received:
    0
    just keep gauging how much you give vs how much you take

    if she gives, give back. if you give first, wait till she gives back before giving again, even if its against your 'nature'
     
  20. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    The point was to make an example.

    The bottom line is that you have to ask yourself "What am I getting out of this?" Too many guys think that just hanging out with a woman is "getting something", and will give women rides to places, buy them dinners, take them out, and get nothing - and I mean NOTHING - in return. You have to learn how to meet a quality woman for one (if you can't do that, you're already starting on a bad foot) and you then have to learn how to not do every little things she asks, or to do every little thing period.

    I know a guy who was pissed because his GF was always asking him to do shit, like get up and get her a glass of water in the middle of a movie, she'd wake him up in the middle of the night to get a snack, etc., rather than getting it herself. He was pissed she never did anything for him in return, and felt used. So I asked him "Have you ever ASKED her to do anything for you?" and he replied "Well, no, not really." and so I :slap: him and told him "So how about ask her to get you a soda at some point, or something like that, and see what happens." He did, and guess what? She happily got up and grabbed him a soda. He thought it was some fluke, but no, she did it several other times.

    Bottom line was he realized that he had simply never ASKED for anything. Don't be stuck in a relationship where you are giving and giving and not getting anything in return, and be damn sure it's not your fault for not asking or something stupid like that.

    It's a lot more complex than that. As mentioned by ware_ru, supplication is a HUGE concept that guys need to be aware of. I cannot even begin to tell you how much this can affect your relationship. Basically, a lot of guys treat their GF's like she is your mother. You do have a say in what she does, you know? If she says she is going to go hang out with her ex boyfriend, the supplicating male says "Well, ok, but don't be late." where as the confident male says "Babe, I totally trust you, but that makes me uncomfortable. I'd prefer that you and I go together, or invite him back here." If she's really pushy and it feels like she may be cheating, he then says something like "Look, this really seems disrespectful to me, and while I would never tell you what you can or cannot do, I have to tell you that I wont tolerate being treated like this. If you do this, it will cause major problems." He may even drop the ball that he'll dump her if it's a really serious situation. Bottom line, to be a healthy male partner, you have to be tactful and truthful - among a myriad of other traits.
     
  21. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    :werd: :werd: :werd:
     
  23. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    3,010
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    maybe she just means that she didn't do anything do deserve you getting her something for no reason. some people have never had anything nice done for them and don't know how to react to the situation
     
  24. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    haha..that is funny.
     
  25. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    Some people have an extremely hard time accepting anything....even kind gestures. Her responses, while strange, may simple be because she really doesn't know what else to say. It's possible that it's her way of saying thank you.
     

Share This Page