how much strain can we take v.weightdifference

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MP525i, Apr 21, 2006.

  1. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    hey guys,

    this is really personal and i hope any negative comments will be kept to yourselves. i hate to bring this up, and my g/f would probably kill me if she knew, but i'm at my witts end here.

    here's the situation: my g/f weighs more than i do. i'm not that big though (5'10" about 135lbs). she's tried eating right and we go to the gym together at least 3 days a week.

    she's is so great for really trying her best here. and let me just say that I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH HER WEIGHT. however, she is very self-concious. she really beats herself up. i try to give her all the support i can with comments like, "you're beautiful regardless," and "i love you no matter what you look like."

    she comes back and says i "have" to say those things. :( a few questions..

    1. how can i get to believe i'm for real when i say that i WILL love her no matter what?
    2. how can i offer more support for her?

    i know she really wants to loose weight, and i support whatever she wants to do. i just feel like me being too skinny (???) is bringing her self esteem down.

    ladies of the vag - is weight that big of a deal when it comes to a relationship?

    i really don't want this to be a thorn in our sides but i'm feeling that it is. i just want to help her out the best i can.

    thanks everyone!
     
  2. noola

    noola New Member

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    Well has she made any progress?

    You mentioned her going to the gym and trying - but has any progress showed up?

    If yes, then just continue to do that.

    The harder question is if no progress has been made - in that case i don't really know the answer.
     
  3. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    this is HER problem not yours. this is not a couples thing. it is a misconception on her behalf if she thinks so. whether you're 100 or 300 lbs, she'd still feel the same way after a while.
     
  4. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    i know it's her problem, but i share in her frustration. i hate seeing her down like this.

    she does make progress but very small. i always try and compliment her and give her positive feedback when she does make progress. but it's always not enough.
     
  5. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    as world crushing as it may seem, why dont you tell her exactly what you just told us, be sensitive BUT be direct also.

    two things could happen.
    1) she'll be a bit shaken but she'll "get it" and it will help
    2) she'll freak out -> needs professional help.
     
  6. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    I am in the exact same spot she is. Im doing the exact same things she is, but I have always had a problem loosing weight.

    1. There is really nothing you can do to make her feel any better about herself. She is going to have to learn how to love herself first. No matter what you say she probably wont believe you bc you are her bf. Bf are supposed to be people that edify you and build you up. So its sort of but not really your job.

    2. Does she workout with anyone else besides you? Sometimes we wont mind being sweaty and stinky in front of a friend, however infront of the bf is a completely different story. We want to look our best and thats not the best most of the time. Accountablilty partners are wonderful for exercise and "diet" (I use that term very loosely). Is she doing any fad diets? That will only let her temporarily take the weight off. In my routine I am trying to control portion size, fat, and caloric intake. Im eating everything on the food pyramid so im not depriving myself of those things.

    Ill post more later, We have a tornado warning out.
     
  7. Neuman

    Neuman New Member

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    if you are trying to complement her try re-wording it.. like "your beautiful", not "...beautiful regardless". and "i love you" not, "i love you no matter what you look like". dont reaffirm her self conscious issues but rather enforce that you fell in love with her for who she is.
     
  8. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    As a continuation of my first post.

    Im not saying diet pills are the answer, and depending on how overweight (if she is at all) and if it runs in her family, pills that a doctor perscribes may help her, and also may help her get a referral to a nutritionist or something. Unfortunately the weight doesnt come back off as quickly as you put it on. It does take time, good eating habits take a while to form, so do work out regimes, determination and perserverance is key. Good luck to you and your gf, and thank your for supporting her. Remember as I stated on my first post she has to learn to love herself before the body image issues can be fixed, even if she does end up losing the weight.

    Have her do what my mom did with me. I put a sign on my bathroom mirror so every morning I would walk in, and have to say something good about myself whether it be physical appearance or mental attributes. Both help your self esteem, and if she does the phys stuff her body image.
     
  9. Jinx

    Jinx Active Member

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    I know some may view this as being shallow, but I know that I feel weird if I'm bigger than the guy. If he's taller, it's a bit easier for me to adjust to him being slimmer than me.. But it just makes me feel weird. :dunno: I always feel like I'll break him.
     
  10. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    just help her lose weight... problem solved. there are so many SIMPLE workout routines that will drop the pounds fast. just try them... Check out F&N

    i really have no respect for people who bitch about their weight but do nothing to change it. unless it's due to extenuating circumstances (i.e a disease), there is no excuse for being obese...
     
  11. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    He didn't say she was obese, just bigger than he is at 135lbs. That's pretty bloody tiny too so she may not be very big at all.

    I also don't really have any sympathy for people who are obese if they have no specific reason/condition for being that way. Just about ANYONE can lose weight if they want to, set their mind to it, and get out and do the work and eat properly. It really isn't that difficult.

    What you need to do MP525i is to support her, compliment her, and possibly train with her. She may also not have any clue how her body really works, so you might want to do some research for her. Maybe she is expecting to lose 10lbs in a week because she worked out twice... That ISN'T going to happen and if she knows that it will take a while, but slow and steady progress will get her where she wants to be eventually maybe she'll be more confident and enthusiastic about everything.

    There's heaps of information about health, weightloss, fitness, etc on OT or just the net in general. Go get some good information for her if you think it would help :)
     
  12. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    dont compliment her with general things like "you're beautiful regardless," and "i love you no matter what you look like" cause she doesnt believe that, so rather be more specific, with things she can agree with (like "that dress looks nice on you, or i like how you did your hair or i like it when you wear skirts..etc).

    as for the weight thing, im kinda tall for a female, and of average weight, and need a decent amount of difference or else i feel like im crushing him :hs:

    but really, its just up to her, and her insecurities. dumb and superfucial, of course.... but everyone has their preferences.

    if she really had a problem with it, shed drop weight. part of me says shes just AWing. so, yeah.
     
  13. Doog

    Doog New Member

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    you know 5 10 at 135 isnt that big at all, maybe you could bring this fact to the table
     
  14. Hipnotic_Tranz

    Hipnotic_Tranz Ma' Kin

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    I'm going through the same exact thing with my girlfriend. Just last night we stayed up with her crying about how she hates how she looks. I'm considerably smaller than she which I think just amplifies the situation. I've never pushed her to get smaller or commented about her weight or anything like that.

    I have no idea what to do, becuase she does work out 4-times a week. She confessed to me last night that she's made herselft throw up three times in the past week. Thats just not healthy? I don't know how else to help her and it's always been a point of strain in our relationship, which is currently rocky anyway.
     
  15. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    tell her to stop eating twinkies.


    For real, I have no sympathy for fat asses. They ARE disgusting to the general population. What is even more disgusting is the lack of self control. And then all the bitching because "they try to better themselves"...boo hoo.

    Ive had some extremely overweight friends and family that have tried to better themselves, in within months there were major differences. MOST fat people I know may THINK they are trying to better themselves, but only 5 big mac's a day isnt bettering yourself.

    If you being skinny is cauing her problems...then good. She needs to feel ashamed for her lack of self esteem and disgusting eating habbits.

    Fuck fat asses...I want my supersize back!!
     
  16. bobbarker70

    bobbarker70 New Member

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    You're obviously skinny or you'd never say something so stupid lol.
     
  17. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Skinny yes ... but that's because I work at it.

    Which part was "so stupid"? That just about anyone can lose weight? The no sympathy part? I stand by both of those...
     
  18. Riot

    Riot OT Supporter

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    i was a regular at fitness and nutrition for over a year and can give you some advice if you let me know her height and weight.

    my ex was self conscious about her weight too, and after showing her the means, she's lost seven pounds in the past four weeks. all without going to the gym.
     
  19. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    wow man.. usually i take your posts for that of something of value. maybe you're having a bad day but, that post doesn't seem like the others you have posted.

    just a little side information, we never go to mcdonalds. we never stuff our faces every night. we go to the gym 4 days out of the week and always stay active during the summer. we always try to eat right during the day and as little as possible at night. all while having pretty much zero time for anything else.

    obviously, if she was just sitting on her ass all day eating and complaining then i would have no sympathy for her. but we both try our hardest and for some reason the weight isn't coming off.
     
  20. jefrox01

    jefrox01 New Member

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    my gf is "curvey"..the only time it bothers me is when i hear her put herself down..she calls herself fat...none of her cloes fit her..etc..she trys to work out but she cant get into it..if she REALLY wanted to she would lose wieght..you are doing the right thing by supporting her..if she is reallty dieting and doing the right things at the gym..she will lose wieght..it will take time..loseing 2-3 pounds a week is good..
     

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