How many sheets of TP do you use when you wipe your ass?

Discussion in 'Fitness & Nutrition' started by jmezz, Jun 8, 2009.

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  1. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    This is a serious thread.

    How many sheets of TP do you use after you're done taking a dump?

    I believe that FN houses some of the more logical posters on OT so I'm assuming that we all fold instead of crumple, but I've noticed that on average, I will use 3 sheets per wipe (spw) folded.

    How many do you guys get by with?

    Ofcourse there will be outliers displayed as such with mudbutt or the poops that mysteriously are not in the bowl and leave nothing at all on that first wipe. This is a given. I'm interested in the regular normal shit.
     
  2. 4cd-Air

    4cd-Air Rape seemed like the next logical step

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    this thread has potential
     
  3. 4cd-Air

    4cd-Air Rape seemed like the next logical step

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    oh and I guess like 3-5 sheets


    and in before bateman shoves the whole roll up his ass
     
  4. Arya Stark

    Arya Stark Resident Celebrity OT Supporter

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    3-4 sheets folded with Charmin Ultra-Soft 2ply.
     
  5. Arya Stark

    Arya Stark Resident Celebrity OT Supporter

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    But recently I've been going with five sheets.
     
  6. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    the thinner the tp the less sheets i tend to use :hsugh:
     
  7. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Dam 5 sheets. I noticed there's a point of diminishing return if you use too many sheets, in that it's actually TOO thick and it clean the area as well as if you used a few less sheets.
     
  8. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    I can't stand the thick, super soft TP because then it starts to rip a bit and the small straggler pieces tend to get stuck to the hair.

    Found this out the hardway and then quickly ceased using thick super soft TP.
     
  9. Arya Stark

    Arya Stark Resident Celebrity OT Supporter

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    I bet you sniff you fingers after each wipe.
     
  10. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    Want to make something of it? :ugh:
     
  11. 4cd-Air

    4cd-Air Rape seemed like the next logical step

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    3-5 I said, sometimes the poo requires a catchers mitt to be created on the hand, you know, when it splashes and you don't know where it all went.
     
  12. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    1: 1 Baby wipe traditional direction
    2: 3 sheets toilet paper against traditional

    Repeat steps 1 and 2


    If I remember correctly GTLifter has a similar protocol
     
  13. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    I always want to add baby wipes to the equation but the times where TP hasn't been enough are few and far between.
     
  14. 4cd-Air

    4cd-Air Rape seemed like the next logical step

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    so are people still shitting with their feet on the bowl too, squat style?
     
  15. Anabolic Pop-Tarts

    Anabolic Pop-Tarts New Member

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    This is an advanced technique.
     
  16. vudoodoodoo

    vudoodoodoo New Member

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    I do abox squat everytime I drop a piece of poop.
     
  17. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    I use TP to get the big chunks out of my asshole hairs and then clean it up with baby wipes. However, since increasing my metamucil intake I can usually get away with just one babywipe.
     
  18. Anabolic Pop-Tarts

    Anabolic Pop-Tarts New Member

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    Depends on the ply. Super thin, single-ply Costco special is like 5 sheets. Charmin quilted double ply is usually 2.5-3 sheets.

    I would also add that I do one wipe/pass per wad. I know of some people who do more of a back and forth. I don't find this technique acceptable.

    Finally, I do wad and not fold, but it is a scientific, controlled-chaos sort of crumpling that has been perfected over years of ass-wiping and it results in a complex, fractal-like structure that is both effective yet comfortable. If you've seen an expert origami artist making paper cranes, it's a lot like that.
     
  19. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    I'm very familiar with the catcher's mitt.

    However I've found that spreading your cheeks prior to sitting and then sitting to hold the spread has reduced the need for the catcher's mitt method.
     
  20. Anabolic Pop-Tarts

    Anabolic Pop-Tarts New Member

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    Placing a landing pad of 10-12 sheets of pre-wadded paper in the drop zone also helps reduce collateral damage.

    This is a great thread.
     
  21. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    See, that single ply shit is absolute garbage. It's like wiping with tracing paper. I'm all set with that.

    Second, I use the same sheet no more than 2x, but I will move the placement of the sheet so I'm hitting an unscathed area on the paper.

    I am a former crumpler turned folder, as I find folding suits my needs 100x better than crumpling.
     
  22. vudoodoodoo

    vudoodoodoo New Member

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  23. 4cd-Air

    4cd-Air Rape seemed like the next logical step

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    agreed, a cheek-spread-and-sit landing does allow for less, shall we say, scribbles outside the lines, but I find that the cheek-spread also increases muzzle velocity, increasing the chance for ricochet and splashback effects.
     
  24. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    glad i read this thread right before lunch

    FML
     
  25. Anabolic Pop-Tarts

    Anabolic Pop-Tarts New Member

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    There aren't many people who can pull off the double-fold re-wipe on a consistent basis. It's a high-risk, high-reward maneuver. I salute you.
     
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