SRS How long will a girl wait for you to tell her you really like her?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by McFly, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    Basically, How long after you meet someone and go out with them a few times, hang around with them etc do you need to tell them your intentions. They will eventually give up on you as I am learning the hard way here. This girl is really into me and has told me her feelings many times - thru IMs and e mail but never really seriously to my face. We have been good friends and have done just about everything together and to an outside person youd say we were together. In reality, I only see her once a week if that, she goes out every weekend with her friends etc. There was one guy she was really into but I somehow convinced her not to - pretty impressive considering he is super rich and has it all and I am just an average joe...

    But now she wrote this monster blog on myspace and it is about me. She has now met this new guy (the kareokee DJ:rolleyes: ) and seems to want to persue that more than me. I just feel really bad about all this, sick actually. I don't know why because we were never BF/GF just amazing friends and I feel like I am losing her. Any thougts/advice? I am 29 and she is 21 by the way.

    **UPDATE on post 7**
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2006
  2. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    Why should she wait for you after she's made her feelings clear and you have not? Most women need a clear cut "you are with me or you are not" " you love me or you just want to fuck me but make your intentions known" thing. And most girls won't give you the "take it or leave it" speech, they will just leave you in your self imposed friendzone and go for someone who will make their intentions/feeling known.

    I think she's trying to cut her losses and get out and find someone that will express to her where a "relationship" is going to go. Because yes, friendly fucks and games and sex unattatched is fun, but most girls want to turn a fuck into an engagement eventually if they really like the guy.

    So if you want her, like her, love her whatever and want ot be exclusive, you better tell her NOW.
     
  3. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

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    Communication and action is the only way to go here.


    Tell her how you feel and show up spontaneously surprising her. Be heartfelt, honest, and give it your best shot - and don't wait any longer.

    Women, and everyone really, appreciate confidence. But ya' gotta talk to her, because she can't do all of it herself. :eek3:
    Meet her halfway and then some.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    The "right time" to make your move is measured in relationship milestones, not calendar time or clock time.

    You need to get those right signals.

    Depending on the level of attraction, the skills you have in communicating that attraction, the intelligence you have in receiving and recognizing signals displayed to you....that could be anywhere from immediately after meeting, to one date, to a few dates, to possibly after already having had sex.

    But if it's been several weeks/several dates and you're still getting a feeble signal or nothing at all....either she (and you) are very introverted/shy or else there's nothing really there.

    And in cases like that where its sorta feeble to begin with, even if you really piled on the effort and stoked the flames really high...once you kick back a bit and ratchet down the intense effort then everything kinda falls apart anyways.

    Never try TOO hard. If its strong, it'll live on its own. Intensive life support from you just muddies the water, doesn't let you clearly see her intentions.

    In your particular case, it doesn't seem like there was anything ever really there.

    Next time you're up at bat, at least SWING for chrissake. If you strike out, just nod, smile and move onto the next one.

    It's quite useless to be paralyzed, never making your move, and then agonize WHY WHY WHY WHY for weeks afterward. Don't live your life in the shadows.

    Think. Feel. Decide. Then ACT.
     
  5. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    :werd: Listen to him he knows what he's talking about. Don't sit on this because to me also it seems like you're running out of time..
     
  6. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    Well, I want to thank you all for your input. It's really interesting to me to get another persons perspective on this. I hate always wondering if I am the only one that has these feelings. I suppose most of my problems from this miscommunication are from me not being expereinced with relationships and now I am learning the hard way. I've never been "in love" with a girl so to speak so I don't really know how it is supposed to feel. I don't know that there really is a certain by the book way a person is supposed to feel.

    In the past week, I have e mailed, chatted and talked to her on the phone almost every day. At first I was angry and we said a lot of hurtful things to each other. The one thing I said that really hit a nerve with her is that no guy will ever drool over her 24/7 and compliment her on everything. I guess that was in reference to me not expressing how I felt about her. I did compliment her a lot, but I guess I started to just assume she knew what I felt.

    I talked to her on the phone last night for almost 3 hours. It took me a long time to really bring out what I was wanting to say and my real true feelings. We talked a lot about our lives in general, what we want career wise and general views on things. She is so amazing to talk to and has this drive and motivation that is really inspiring, and is what attracted me to her in the beginning. I could tell her tone of voice with me has changed over the last week or two, not the caring type voice or the "I am really into you" voice. It was more of a business voice.

    I told her exactly how I felt about her, how I always felt and how my feelings were increasing for her. I told her that I am not very expressive sometimes and even though she was sending clear signals, I did get them. Why I didn't act on them I guess is the key issue here. I am not sure I know either.

    I am just so afraid to take these risks and get involved in a relationship. I don't know why and it does bother me. I have this feeling that I let an amazing girl slip away from me. We went through this several months ago too, almost the same thing.

    To hear her talk about this new DJ guy I can tell she is really into him and she writes about him on myspace. She says he has the best voice she has ever heard. He tried out for american idol twice, but they kept lowering the age.. I think he is 30. it seems like she is letting herself go and really fall for him and it is happening fast. She has been staying up all night with him, wine, talking laughing etc. I know that is all normal stuff people do but I want to be that guy. It hurts...

    Well, Who knows what will happen. She is still a cool girl and I know we will still speak with each other and at least be friends. But come on, a Kareoke DJ!!?? Why do girls fall for the guys they do... And how can they just fall for a person so fast! I am too slow, I am not into rushing things. I guess we just didn't sync up in what we want at this time :hs:
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2006
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    So you went through this "several months ago"...and then it cooled off, and then it picked up again just recently, which presumably is why you started this thread, and now it's cooled off again in favor of this DJ.

    Does that about sum it up?
     
  8. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    Yes. After the first time we talked about this, we just started hanging out again and she fell for me even more aparently, but again I didn't show her I was feeling the same thing and was moving as fast with things as she wanted to.

    I didn't make the right moves at the right times. or give off the right signals. That pretty much sums it up.
     
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

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    If she really fell for you twice, and it's not just you misreading the signals, then WHY are you standing around doing nothing?

    Why don't you make a move now instead of being all timid and listening to these pathetic stories about some karaoke DJ.

    Why don't you step it up and reciprocate her affection? Why don't YOU go out on a limb for a change instead of leaving it all up to her to stick her neck out every time? Twice so far, according to you.

    It's not about making the exact surgically precise move at the precise moment. If she's into you, any time is the right time.

    Stop sitting on the bench, afraid to play. Get in the game.
     
  10. Basal

    Basal OT Supporter

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    man.... i can relate to this thread so much... all the input here is helping this ol' fellow as well :hs:
     
  11. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Don't miss the boat. She has made her feelings clear, now it's time to make yours clear. Hurry or you'll lose her
     
  12. thegreatlanfrit

    thegreatlanfrit New Member

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    +1

    although as an added bonus, i'm not good @ picking up signals either:rolleyes:


    chin up and sack up man! you're a better man than me @ the moment!:x:
     
  13. chiisu

    chiisu New Member

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    she's already made her choice, time for you to move on
     

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